A4P Guest: “I am a 40 year old woman. I grew up in a well-educated family, have a BA, on the looks department, I am okay, I have a pretty face, bit short, great confidence, beautiful heart,( as told by people). I am not a born-again Christian, but I am faithful, love to read the Bible, and Christian articles, very curious for knowledge, I love to read a variety of books, from children’s stories to politics. I love to dance, I don’t drink. I have had a range of boyfriends, mostly kind and good guys never had a full sexual relationship with anyone, due to my views, that sexual relationships are best only in marriage, as I believe God’s wish is. Right now, I don’t have any boyfriend, but these days I am facing a big problem, my family is pressuring me either to get married or have a baby out of wedlock (I am the eldest child, out of four siblings). I do understand their concern, and wish/dream to become grandparents, uncles, aunties, but it is also against my wish and belief to have a child out of wedlock. The option of being married is out of the picture right now. So what do I do? I know my parents are not getting any younger, nor am I for that matter. My wish to marry a humble Christian man, be a faithful wife, build a Christian family is becoming almost a mirage. I have prayed hard for the right partner, but my Boaz is nowhere to be found. I am stuck between fulfilling my and my family’s wishes the wrong way, or spend the rest of my life, alone, childless, and killing everyone’s dream and wishes, what do I do? You can share it on your Facebook page, some women might have the same problem so we can learn from each other, but keep my identity a secret.”
A4P: I believe you are at a tough place in life. Sure you are a bit older. I get it, you are 40 but I’m not sure why you said “The option of being married is out of the picture right now.”
Who said that? I saw many people getting married in their 40’s and 50’s. Is this the age (40 and 50) I advise people to get married? No, but at the same time, I understand that life doesn’t come as a “one size fits all” box that everybody should fit in. We all have different life paths.
Of course your families, especially your mom, want to hold their grandchild but their dream shouldn’t be fulfilled at the cost of you losing your value as a woman as you look for a man who donates his sperm. By all means, I won’t advise you to do that. I mean, love, respect and honor your parents but obeying them in ways that is going to devalue you and the life of your offspring is not something I advise you or anyone else to do.
While I applaud your moral values not to get pregnant out of wedlock, I can’t help but wish that you were holding on to the standard of sexual purity according to the Word of God. If that was the case, you wouldn’t have said, I “never had a full sexual relationship with anyone.” In light of what the Word of God teaches about sexual purity, your statement sounds like, “I’m a little pregnant.” As no one can say “I’m a little pregnant,” no one can say “I’m almost sexually pure.” You are or you are not.
That being said, my dear sister, the one thing I want to share with you is not how you need to accept your lot in life or follow your parents’ advice at least to fulfill their dreams ignoring yours, but for you to marry Jesus and call Him as “your husband.”
Did you hear me? Yes, God has proposed to marry us through the Cross of Jesus Christ and all you have to do is to say to Him, “Yes, I want to be married to You!”
The Bible says,
“For your Maker is your husband—
the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.” (Isaiah 54:5)
Whether you are married or single, after everything is said and done, what matters the most in life is not whether you are married and have kids but whether you are “a wife of God” through Jesus Christ or not. When you meet God through Christ, you are called a “born-again” Christian, betrothed to be married to Christ at the end. (You can read about it in the Gospel according to John chapter 3).
Being on the other end of the spectrum, as an educated person – more than two degrees, a wife of one man and a mother of three teenagers, I now come to a realization that success or fulfillment in life doesn’t come from all these things but from being the person God created me to be.
I know lots and lots of educated and rich but lonely, depressed and miserable married people who have kids. I hope and pray that you don’t desire to have that kind of life. If not, then focus on cultivating a life of God in you so that you will learn to enjoy life to the fullest even when life chooses to rain down on you it’s hell stones.
So, sure, I’ll pray for God to lead Mr. Right into your life if that is His will for you but more than that I pray that you find Christ and learn how to find joy and fulfillment in Him alone regardless of life circumstances. ///