Paul writes to the young minister, Timothy, saying, “Fight a good fight of faith.” 1 Timothy 6:12a
Because there are two kinds of fights: A good fight and a bad fight.
The one way we can fight good is by faith, means according to the whole counsel of the word of God.
What does it mean?
Well, for example, when married couples fight, they first put this in their minds: “We fight so our marriage will last until death do us part.”
For their marriage to last that long, the wife needs to always find ways she can express her submission and respect to her husband because that is what the word of God is calling her to be, respectful and submissive towards her husband. In the same way, the husband needs to always find ways he can express love to his wife because he is called to love his wife as Christ loved the church and died for her.
That sounds very straightforward and easy, right? Well, no, it is not easy. We all naturally don’t want to fight a good fight of faith. We want to fight a bad fight, according to how we feel at the moment.
So, knowing this fact about ourselves, instead of waiting and expecting ourselves to respond for marital fight in a biblical way, we need to arm ourselves with basic fighting principles which help us to fight a good fight of faith.
The following eight principles helped me in my own marriage, to fight with my husband in a healthy way, a way that strengthens our marriage:
- Do not bury conflicts because they resurrect themselves in the most unlikely time and place.
- Identify gender differences from real talking issues.
- Identify personality differences and don’t label or categorize your spouse’s different personalities as wrong, but as good assets.
- Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes – This principle is known to be the most effective way to nurture love and care in any relationships.
- During a discussion, avoid rolling your eyes or make sarcastic statements- doing so is contempt and it is toxic to your marriage. Respect should rule in all your discussions with your spouse.
- Attack the problem, not your spouse. Always focus on the issue!
- State your side of the issue using “I” statements, not “you” statements. Instead of saying, “You made me feel this way,” say, “I feel sad when you don’t directly come from work.”
- When you need to ask an apology (which we all need to once in a while since none of us are prefect, we made mistakes), state your apology appropriately; not like, “I said, I am sorry! What else do you want from me!” Instead say something like, “I am so sorry. I didn’t know that you get hurt when I go somewhere from work.” ///