I talked about the wrong, sometimes sinful, reasons to get married on this page on different occasions.
For example, a girl deciding to marry a non-believing man thinking that she will convert him through her “hard prayer” into a born-again Christian. This is called “Missionary dating.”
This is a wrong and biblically sinful reason to get married because nobody converts anybody. And the word of God says,
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” 2 Corinthians 6:14
Going against this word of God is going against ourselves because sin brings destruction to our lives and future callings.
The another wrong reason is, “He has money, so I will marry him so I can be happy for the rest of my life.”
This again is a wrong and sinful reason to get married because the Bible says,
“Life is not measured by how much one owns.” Luke 12:15b NCV
“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” 1 Timothy 6:10
Making lots of money and being rich is not a sinful thing. Going after money or loving money, and valuing others by how much they owe is a sin.
I have four other wrong reasons to get married, reasons commonly seen in women:
- “I decided to marry him because he did a lot to me.” – this is not only a wrong reason but also a very sad reason to get married.
Yes, we women are “responders.” When someone gives us something, we want to give back. This is our natural reaction. But when it comes to deciding to marry a man because “he did a lot for me,” is a reason many regret their marriage right after their wedding. Some young girls decide to marry a man much older than them because “he spent all his savings to save my mom. So, I have to marry him. “ As if marrying him would give him back all his savings. Yes, men do everything they can to get a girl they like. There is nothing wrong with that. Men shower their woman with gifts. (I heard that in this day and age, many men don’t do that. They actually expect gifts from the girl. Hmm! God have mercy!)
Some women feel indebted. Even though they know that (for example) the man doesn’t believe in Christ, is much older, drinks alcohol, and on top of that, is not physically and sexually attractive for them, some women still decide to marry him because “he did a lot for me.”
Well, in the first place, know that when a single man spends his money on a girl, he is not doing it for fun or because he has extra money; he wants to convince a girl that he is the right man for her. So, when a man starts pouring so much kindness onto you, stop him and say: “No more! Let me pay you for the things you have already did for me.” This will give him some cues that you are not interested. As a Christian, don’t receive and run away. Women of this world do that, but not you who belong to Jesus Christ. Don’t receive if you feel like you have to pay back, like by marrying him. Doing so is nothing but foolishness.
- “No one asked me for marriage. He is the only one. So, I have to marry him or else, I will be single for life.”
You are better off being single for life than marrying a man who is not going to be a loving and caring husband to you as the word of God calls him to be.
- “Even if everyone I know spoke against my decision to marry him, I will pray hard so God will give me what I ask of Him. After all, I am a virgin and I didn’t do bad things like other girls,”
As if to say, God is obligated to agree with her because she is a virgin.
The Bible says, “Fools think they are doing right,
but the wise listen to advice.” Proverbs 12:15
If your parents, pastors, friends and relatives disagree with your decision, it is wise to listen to their advice.
However, some parents disagree with their son’s/daughter’s decision to marry the person they love because the parents are not Christians. They think that by refusing to bless their child’s decision to marry a born-again Christian, they can “un-born-again” their child. In that case, your pastor and friends in Christ will support and encourage you.
Some convince their pastors to bless their wrong decisions.
If you are trying to do that, remember, your pastor is not going to marry the man you are planning to marry. You are!
- “He’s amazing and a perfect man! Everybody in his church talks highly of him, including his pastor.”
Again, “everybody in his church” is not going to marry him but you. So if you know that nobody is perfect, this man cannot be the exception. If you think that he is perfect, take a break from the dating business, or wait until you see something that shows you that he is, after all, a human being with faults and all. Then after that, decide if you are willing to live with those flaws he has.
Here is a rule of thumb: In a man, when all you see is his perfection and cannot find any faults or weaknesses with him, there is a big hidden problem with him. This is something we see again and again. So, be very careful! ///