A4P Guest: Hi, I’m a born again Christian man. I was born and raised in a Christian home in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. I left Addis at the age of 14. I am now 28 years old. I love my mom and my two older brothers to death. My dad walked out of our life when I was six years old. I have no love or care for him since he used to physically abuse my mom, my two brothers and I. I am the youngest. At the age of eight, I was sexually molested by two men who used to live next to our house. At the time, I didn’t know what was going on and didn’t know what to do with it. I still have nightmares once in a while and I cry like a little boy. I have never told this part of my story to anyone. Those two men might be out there now and I pray they don’t do such a thing to any other little boys. I don’t know if this part of my story has anything to do with what I’m going through since I was 13. I have never been attracted to a girl but a man. I have received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was fourteen years old. My tendency to be sexually attracted to men didn’t leave me alone even after I received Jesus Christ. Because I fear someone may find out what is going on in my mind and heart, I don’t usually go to a Bible study or a small group gathering of any sort. I now go to one American’s mega church here in my city and that is it. I know I don’t want to be a homosexual and I am not a homosexual. About a couple years ago, I searched online and joined a group of people who have similar stories like mine and I kind of felt relieved for a short period of time but I couldn’t embrace it as they advised me to embrace my same-sex attraction struggle as my identity. I want to do life as the Word of God says. Deep in my heart, I know that I’m a heterosexual and I want to declare that but I have this deep seated struggle which doesn’t seem to leave me alone. I still get attracted to men, not women. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Nothing seems to work. Right now, with all the animosity going around with the Supreme Court decision to redefine marriage, I totally lost interest to go to church. I don’t want to hear anyone making jokes about my struggle. Now, here I’m in my small one bedroom apartment, reading almost all your posts, I sobbed! I want to die! I want to end it right here. I want this struggle to stop! You see, I want to live a happy life. I want to marry one woman and have kids but this struggle is with me. I’m not sure what my future holds. Missy, does God really care about my struggle? Does He really know what I am going through? When am I going to rest from this struggle or will this struggle ever leave me?