Thank you to everyone who stayed with me throughout our previous series, “Respecting Husbands.”
Today, we begin a new series: “Loving Wives.
Love and respect are foundational responsibilities in biblical marriage. Paul writes:
“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
—Ephesians 5:33
Some time ago, I read Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I still believe it can provide a helpful introduction to these important subjects, especially for newly married couples.
This series complements our previous one by addressing the husband’s calling to love his wife. I encourage you to follow it whether you are married or single, a man or a woman. These biblical truths can prepare unmarried people for marriage and help married people grow in holiness and wisdom—all for the glory of God.
Before we begin, I want to clarify two important truths.
Christ Is Not a Method for Getting the Marriage You Want
Christ is not a technique for obtaining the earthly outcome we desire. Jesus Christ is our Savior, Lord, life, and greatest treasure.
Yes, Christ changes husbands so that they can obey God faithfully. But walking closely with Christ does not guarantee that a marriage will immediately become peaceful. A godly husband may love his wife faithfully while she continues in serious sin or even abandons him.
I am not presenting Jesus as another marriage technique—as though following Him guarantees that your wife will change and your marriage will become exactly what you want.
We come to Christ because we are sinners who need Him to forgive us, reconcile us to God, give us new hearts, and rule every part of our lives—including our marriages.
Your Marriage Is Not Your Deepest Identity
If you belong to Christ, your deepest identity is not “a successful husband,” “a rejected husband,” or “a divorced man.” You are a forgiven, adopted, and eternally secure child of God.
Period!
Love your wife faithfully, but remember that you are her husband—not her savior.
Speak the truth. Seek her repentance and restoration when she is living in sin. Involve the church when necessary. Establish appropriate boundaries, and protect those whom God has entrusted to your care.
Confess your own sins without accepting responsibility for hers. Entrust the outcome to God, and continue following Christ even if your wife refuses to follow Him with you.
With those truths established, I want to say this to every husband:
Husband, you cannot love your wife as God commands apart from Jesus Christ.
Why not?
1. Marriage Began With God
Marriage is not a human invention. It was not created by society, government, culture, or even the church. Marriage began with God.
Before sin entered the world, God said:
“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’”
—Genesis 2:18
God then formed the woman and brought her to the man:
“And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,
‘This at last is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
because she was taken out of Man.’Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
—Genesis 2:22–24
God identified the man’s need. God created the woman. God brought her to the man. God established their one-flesh union.
Therefore, God is the Author of marriage.
Because God created marriage, He alone has the authority to define it, reveal its purposes, and tell husbands and wives how to live within it. We are not free to redefine marriage according to changing cultures, personal desires, or whatever appears convenient.
Marriage belongs to God.
Sometimes we call the Bible “the manual for marriage.” I understand what we mean: the maker knows how what he created was designed to function.
But the Bible is much more than a marriage manual.
A manual can provide instructions, but it cannot change the person reading it. It cannot give a selfish husband a new heart, make a proud man humble, or cause someone who loves his comfort to embrace sacrifice.
God’s Word does more than provide steps for improving a marriage. It exposes our sin, reveals our need for a Savior, points us to Jesus Christ, and teaches redeemed people how to live for God’s glory.
A husband may know every biblical command about marriage and still resist God’s authority. Knowledge alone cannot change his sinful heart.
That is why husbands need more than marriage instructions. They need God’s mercy and grace. They need forgiveness, new hearts, and the Holy Spirit. They need Jesus Christ.
Marriage began with God and must be lived under His authority. But because sin has corrupted us, no husband can fulfill God’s purposes for marriage through his own strength.
He must abide in Christ.
2. Marriage Reveals Something Greater Than Marriage
Marriage does not end with the husband and wife. It points beyond them to something far greater: Jesus Christ and His church.
Paul tells husbands:
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
—Ephesians 5:25
After quoting God’s words concerning the first marriage, Paul explains its greater meaning:
“‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
—Ephesians 5:31–32
Marriage began with God in Genesis, but its meaning reaches forward to Christ and His church. God designed the one-flesh union between a husband and wife to point beyond itself to the covenant love between Christ and His Bride.
Marriage is not itself the gospel. The gospel is the good news that Jesus Christ came to save sinners through His perfect life, sacrificial death, and victorious resurrection. But God designed marriage to serve as a picture of that gospel.
A husband’s sacrificial love should reflect the love of Christ, who gave Himself for His church. A wife’s loving respect and submission should reflect the church’s glad devotion to Christ. Neither spouse portrays this reality perfectly, but this is the greater truth toward which Christian marriage points.
Earthly marriage is temporary. Jesus taught that in the resurrection, people “neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matthew 22:30). The marriage covenant between a husband and wife ends at death.
But earthly marriage points toward a union that will never end—the union between the Lamb and His Bride, the church:
“Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready.”
—Revelation 19:7
Christ will return for His Bride, and the church will dwell with Him forever. The marriage of the Lamb and His Bride is the only marriage that will last eternally.
Therefore, Christian marriages between one man and one woman are like dimly shining stars in this dark world. They are imperfect, but by God’s grace they point toward something glorious: the coming marriage celebration of the Lamb and His Bride.
This also helps us understand why faithful marriage faces such strong opposition.
The sinful flesh resists the self-denial marriage requires. The world rejects God’s authority and attempts to redefine what He created. The devil hates Christ and opposes what displays God’s truth.
We should not blame every marital difficulty directly on Satan. Husbands and wives remain responsible for their own choices and sins. Nevertheless, the flesh, the world, and the devil all oppose faithful obedience to God.
So, husband, your marriage is about more than you and your wife.
Your marriage is earthly and temporary, but it has spiritual and eternal significance. God calls you to love your wife in a way that points beyond you to the faithful, sacrificial, and unbreakable love of Jesus Christ for His church.
You cannot do this through natural affection or personal determination alone. If your love is to reflect Christ, its source must be Christ.
Next time, Lord willing, we will continue with our third point:
The Command Exceeds Natural Human Strength. ///