Thank you so much, my friends, for staying tuned to this series called “Loving Wives.”

If this is your first time seeing this post, it’s okay. You have only missed one part. Please scroll down and read the previous post so that you can easily follow today’s message.

Last time, we introduced the principle we are considering today:

The Command Exceeds Natural Human Strength.

Before we continue, let me remind you of the statement that summarizes this entire series:

Husbands, you cannot love your wife apart from Christ!

The Bible says:

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25

Notice that God does not merely command husbands to love their wives. He tells them what kind of love they must have.

They must love their wives as Christ loved the church!

What kind of love is that?

1. Christ’s Love Is Holy!

Our Lord Jesus Christ was without sin. Hebrews 4:15 tells us that He was tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sin.

A husband is therefore called to love his wife in holiness.

When a husband deliberately turns his eyes away from another woman rather than entertaining lustful thoughts, he is seeking to honor Christ and remain faithful to his wife.

Christlike love does not make peace with sin. It pursues purity.

A husband’s love should not merely be romantic.

It should be holy!

2. Christ’s Love Is Faithful!

Christ remained faithful to His Bride, the church, even to the point of death on the cross.

A husband must likewise honor his marriage covenant.

A faithful husband does not live a double life, maintain secret romantic relationships, or deliberately hide sinful activities from his wife.

He cultivates honesty, transparency, and trust.

Faithfulness is not merely avoiding physical adultery. It means honoring the marriage covenant in heart, word, and conduct.

3. Christ’s Love Is Patient!

Oh, how patient our Lord Jesus Christ is!

In 1 Timothy 1:16, Paul speaks of the perfect patience Christ displayed toward him.

And Romans 5:8 tells us:

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Jesus did not wait for us to become worthy of His love before giving Himself for us.

In the same way, a husband is called to be patient toward his wife.

He should not give himself over to sinful anger, harshness, or frustration whenever she disappoints him or disagrees with him.

He should remember Christ’s patience toward him and respond to his wife with gentleness, humility, and grace.

4. Christ’s Love Is Sacrificial!

Philippians 2:6–8 tells us that Christ humbled Himself, took the form of a servant, and became obedient to death, even death on a cross.

Why?

Because He loved His Bride!

Christ willingly gave His life to redeem sinners and bring them into everlasting fellowship with Himself.

Of course, no husband can accomplish what Christ accomplished on the cross. Only Jesus Christ is the Savior.

Nevertheless, husbands are commanded to reflect His sacrificial love.

A husband must be willing to surrender selfish comforts, pleasures, and personal interests when they interfere with his responsibilities toward his wife and family.

For example, before marriage, a man may have enjoyed spending every weekend with his friends. But after marriage, he cannot continue living as though he is single.

If those activities cause him to neglect his wife and children, he must be willing to sacrifice them.

Sometimes when I see a groom wearing a black suit, I smile and think:

“Brother, marriage is calling you to die!”

Yes, to die daily to selfishness, pride, and self-centeredness!

Not to atone for his wife’s sins. Only Christ could do that.

But to serve Christ by loving his wife sacrificially.

5. Christ’s Love Is Self-Giving!

Romans 15:3 says:

“For Christ did not please himself…”

Christ gave Himself for His Bride.

He bore our sins, shame, and the judgment our sins deserved. He came not to be served but to serve and give His life as a ransom for many (Mark 10:45).

In the same way, a husband is called to give himself in loving service to his wife.

He listens to understand her.

He makes himself available so that she does not feel abandoned or unsupported.

He cares about her spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being.

He seeks to protect and defend her without controlling her or excusing her sins.

His attitude should be:

“Get to my wife through me!”

He does not use his position as a husband to demand that his wife serve his selfish desires. Rather, he uses his strength and responsibilities to care for her.

Who Is Sufficient for Such a Command?

Now, let me ask you:

Which husband can confidently declare:

“I am fully equipped to love my wife exactly as Christ loved the church”?

Who?

Which man is naturally holy, faithful, patient, sacrificial, and self-giving as Christ is?

This is why I keep repeating:

Husbands, you cannot love your wife apart from Christ!

An unbelieving husband may show genuine affection, kindness, and sacrificial care through God’s common grace. But the holy, Christ-centered love that glorifies God requires more than fallen human strength.

A man who understands the seriousness of Ephesians 5:25 will not boast about his abilities.

He will cry out:

“Lord, I am poor and needy! There is nothing in my natural strength that can love my wife the way You loved the church. Lord, help me!”

God Has Already Given His Children What They Need!

Now, here is something I do not want any Christian husband to misunderstand.

When I say you cannot love your wife apart from Christ, I am not suggesting that God commands you to do something and then leaves you spiritually helpless.

Oh, no!

If you belong to Christ, God has already given you a new heart, new desires, and His indwelling Holy Spirit!

Listen to 2 Peter 1:3:

“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness…”

All things!

Not some things!

Through His divine power and our knowledge of Christ, God has provided everything necessary for godliness.

In Ezekiel 36:26–27, God promises:

“And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you…”

And He continues:

“And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.”

Notice who takes the initiative.

God says, “I will!”

These promises find their fulfillment in the New Covenant through Jesus Christ.

And in 1 John 2:20, John reminds believers:

“But you have been anointed by the Holy One…”

In verse 27, he speaks of this anointing abiding in believers and teaching them the truth. This is not a promise of independence from Scripture or faithful teachers. It is God’s gracious provision for His people to know and remain in the truth concerning Christ.

Romans 5:5 also tells us that God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit.

And Philippians 2:13 says:

“For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”

Do you see?

God works in us both the desire and the ability to obey Him!

Even our new desire to love God and others is the fruit of His grace.

Now, does this mean we can obey Him perfectly?

No!

Because of remaining sin, believers still struggle against the flesh (Galatians 5:17).

But we are no longer what we once were.

We are new creations in Christ, and the Holy Spirit is at work in us.

Our obedience remains imperfect, but it can be genuine, Spirit-produced, and pleasing to God through Christ.

God does not command His redeemed children to pursue holiness while leaving them dependent upon their fallen nature. He has given them new life and His Spirit, who enables them to grow in obedience!

What a gracious God we worship!

Are We Trying to Manufacture What Only God Can Produce?

This is something I frequently encounter in biblical counseling.

Many believers seem to think that they must manufacture within themselves the very things God commands.

They struggle to love, forgive, exercise patience, or demonstrate self-control, and they try harder and harder in their own strength.

Rather than remembering what God has already given them in Christ, they approach Christian obedience as though everything depends on them.

That is why I frequently return to John 15:5.

Jesus said:

“…apart from me you can do nothing.”

I bring this verse into so many of my counseling sessions!

And here is something else I often observe.

Some believers tell me about their wonderful conversion experiences. They remember how they first came to Christ, how their lives changed, and the joy they experienced.

Praise God for genuine conversion!

But when I ask about their present relationship with Jesus Christ, I sometimes discover that they are describing something that happened years ago rather than a living, daily communion with their Savior.

Some say:

“I try to pray for ten minutes every morning, and I read at least one Psalm a day.”

Now, please do not misunderstand me.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with praying for ten minutes or reading one Psalm a day!

These are wonderful spiritual disciplines.

But here is my question:

What happens after those ten minutes?

What happens after you close your Bible?

Do you go through the rest of your day as though you are spiritually on your own?

When your wife disappoints you, do you remember Christ and depend on His grace?

When temptation comes, do you turn to Him?

When you become angry, do you ask the Holy Spirit to help you exercise self-control?

When you realize you have sinned, do you repent?

Beloved, Christianity is not merely remembering a wonderful conversion story.

Christianity is living in fellowship with the living Christ!

Jesus did not say, “Apart from Me you can do nothing until you finish your morning devotion.”

No!

He said:

“Apart from me you can do nothing.”

That truth applies throughout the entire day.

It does not mean that we must consciously pray every second. It means we live in continual dependence upon Christ, seeking to obey His Word through the strength He provides.

The Means of Grace Keep Us Dependent on Christ

God has graciously given His people His Word, prayer, faithful preaching, baptism, the Lord’s Supper, and fellowship with believers.

But these means of grace are not given so that we can become spiritually independent.

They are not exercises through which we eventually become self-sufficient.

God has not given us these means of grace to turn us into self-sufficient “little Christs” who no longer need Him!

No!

He has given them to strengthen us in Christ, nourish our faith, and help us live as dependent children of God.

Yes, we are being conformed to the image of Christ. But becoming more like Christ never means becoming independent of Christ.

We do not graduate from dependence upon our Savior.

We grow deeper in it!

And this dependence does not mean inactivity.

Philippians 2:12–13 commands us to work out our salvation because God Himself is working in us.

We actively obey, repent, resist temptation, pray, and pursue holiness because God is graciously at work within us.

What About a Husband Who Does Not Know Christ?

If a husband does not know Jesus Christ, his greatest need is not merely to become a better husband.

His greatest need is salvation!

Romans 10:13 says:

“For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Oh, how abundant is the mercy of God!

A man who has never trusted Christ needs more than instructions for improved behavior.

He needs forgiveness of sins, reconciliation with God, and a new heart.

He needs Jesus Christ!

A Final Word to Christian Husbands

Dear husband, when the command to love your wife as Christ loved the church exposes your selfishness and weakness, do not despair.

But do not excuse your sin either.

Remember what God has already given you in Christ.

You have been made alive in Him.

You have His Holy Spirit.

You have His Word.

God is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

So, confess your sins. Repent of your selfishness. Seek forgiveness where you have wronged your wife. Make use of the means of grace God has provided.

And above all, abide in Christ!

The Lord who commands you to love your wife is also the Lord who has given His redeemed children everything necessary to grow in that love.

Your task is not to manufacture Christlike love independently of Him.

It is to abide in the Savior who produces the fruit of love through His Spirit.

“Apart from me you can do nothing.” — John 15:5

What a gracious God we worship!

Lord willing, next time, we will continue from here. ///