Although I do not claim to have covered everything that could be said about respecting our husbands, we have considered several important biblical principles. I am grateful to God for that.
As a wife myself, I have been edified, convicted, and even rebuked by many of the topics we have discussed. I pray that you have benefited from this series as much as—or even more than—I have.
Lord willing, I will return to this topic in the future. For now, I will continue from where I left off and conclude the series with today’s message.
If this is your first time seeing this post, you can catch up by reading the previous posts so that this final installment will make better sense to you.
Encourage What Is Good
Last time, we began discussing how a wife can show respect to her husband by encouraging the good she sees in him.
It may come naturally to a wife to notice how imperfectly her husband cleaned the kitchen, point out everything he missed, and explain how he should have done it—or how she prefers it to be done.
But when she sincerely appreciates his effort, even though he completed the task differently from the way she would have, she shows him respect in a small but meaningful way.
A wife should not reserve her attention only for her husband’s failures.
When he works diligently, serves the family, shows kindness, admits wrongdoing, exercises wisdom, or seeks to grow spiritually, she should acknowledge it sincerely.
Encouragement is not manipulation. It is not praise offered merely to obtain a desired response. It is the truthful recognition of what is good.
Honest and specific encouragement can strengthen humility, courage, and perseverance.
Refuse to Humiliate Him
A wife should not humiliate her husband, either privately or publicly.
She should not expose his weaknesses merely to entertain others, gain sympathy, or damage his reputation.
This includes mocking him before family members, sharing private failures without a legitimate reason (for instance, during a marriage counseling session), making him the subject of humiliating jokes, encouraging the children to disregard him, or saying, “I told you so!” when he stumbles in the way she previously warned him about.
A wife shows respect by guarding her husband’s private matters as carefully as she would want him to guard hers.
When her husband confides a weakness to her—or when she notices one herself—a godly wife does not gossip about it. She asks God how she can help strengthen and serve him rather than shame him further.
Protecting privacy, however, does not mean concealing abuse, criminal behavior, immediate danger, or serious sin requiring intervention. Seeking help from trustworthy pastors, qualified counselors, or the appropriate civil authorities in such circumstances is not sinful gossip or disrespect.
Pray for Your Husband
One of the most important expressions of respect is prayer.
A wife should pray for her husband’s faith, wisdom, integrity, courage, humility, purity, work, health, relationships, and leadership.
Prayer changes the way she sees him. It reminds her that he belongs to God and that only the Holy Spirit can truly transform his heart.
Rather than merely rehearsing his failures, she brings them before the Lord. Rather than trying to control him, she asks God to correct, strengthen, sanctify, and guide him.
She may pray that her husband will:
- Love Christ more deeply
- Understand and obey Scripture
- Lead with humility and courage
- Repent quickly when he sins
- Resist temptation
- Love his family sacrificially
- Receive wise counsel
- Grow in patience and self-control
Prayer does not replace necessary conversation or appropriate action, but it should accompany them.
Respect Him Before the Children
Children learn how to think about marriage by watching their parents.
A wife should not train the children to despise, mock, manipulate, or disregard their father.
She should uphold his rightful parental authority, support what is lawful and wise in his parenting, and encourage the children to honor him. If she disagrees with one of his decisions, she should ordinarily discuss it with him privately instead of undermining him before the children.
At the same time, respect does not require her to defend sin or tell the children that wrongdoing is acceptable.
When a father sins against them, the wife should not force the children to deny their pain or pretend that nothing happened.
She can uphold both truth and respect by saying:
“Your father was wrong to speak that way. We should pray for him and address this honestly, but we must not respond with hatred or contempt.”
The husband has a corresponding responsibility not to undermine the mother’s authority or permit the children to treat her disrespectfully.
Respect as Worship
If I were to summarize this series, I would say:
A Christian wife’s respect for her husband is ultimately an act of worship to God.
Scripture says:
“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31
And:
“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus.”
Colossians 3:17
First Peter 4:11 teaches that Christians should serve through the strength God supplies, “in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ.”
This does not mean that a wife worships her husband. God alone is worthy of worship.
Respecting her husband becomes an act of worship when she does it out of love for Christ, obedience to His Word, and a desire for God to be glorified through her marriage.
A wife will never respect her husband perfectly, just as a husband’s love for his wife will never perfectly resemble Christ’s love for the church.
Both spouses depend entirely upon God’s grace.
A wife does not respect her husband because he is sinless or always wise. She respects him because she desires to honor Christ, obey Scripture, love her husband faithfully, and strengthen the marriage covenant they made before God.
May God help us all, by His grace and through His Spirit, to glorify Him in our marriages. ///