“You Don’t Have Sex Experience”

A4P Guest: I am 29 years old, soon to be 30. I came to the US 4.5 years ago.  I was living in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. I was a member of one of the Emanuel branch churches. I was in the church prayer team. When I was 24, I was in love with someone but in one of our prayer meetings, one of the guys who pray in the group prophesied on me and said, “God said this to me to tell you that you shouldn’t continue with the guy you are seeing now. If you marry him, you will face lots of sufferings and heartaches.” So, I called the guy the next day and told him never to call me. Then one of my church members relative came from America for vacation and I met him in church. Then he asked me for marriage. I didn’t like him at all and I was not attracted to his look either. So, I told him that I was not interested. But that same week, one prophet was invited in our church and he ministered to us on Sunday and he prophesied on me saying, “God told me to tell you that the guy who is with you now is God’s will for you to marry him.” So, I called and told him that I changed my mind. Then I married him and came to America within few months. After I came here, the guy started abusing me physically, emotionally and mentally. He also tells me that I am ugly and that I don’t have any sex experience. He is frustrated with me in the bedroom. I asked him what he wanted me to do. I have no experience with sex because he is my first one. I was a virgin at my wedding day. I don’t know what to do. I lost myself. I don’t know if I want to live anymore. I look at myself in the mirror again and again and try to make myself beautiful for him but nothing seems satisfying to him. I told all these to the church leaders but they say to me, “But he is a godly man. You may misunderstand him. We’ve known him for the last six years. He is one of our faithful members. You may need to pray.” But I prayed and cried a lot before God and no change. Missy, these days, he is telling to the church leaders that I have a mental disorder. I wish I had one so that would be the problem to be solved. But I am going to school and work full-time. I have no problem, Missy. Please what do advise me to do? I am totally confused and lost?

A4P: Wow! Very, very sad story. And what is even “sadder” for me is that this is the kind of story I hear almost every day these days.

My heart goes out to you!

Please listen carefully to the following three points:

First: The Bible does not say, “Those who are led by prophesy are children  of God.” Rather it says, “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.” Romans 8:14

Being led by the Spirit of God means, to strive to lead your life according to the word of God.

Jesus said, “It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life.” John 6:63 NASB

The Bible, the word of God, is what you need for your life, not prophesy from other people who claim to hear from God about you. Remember, you are not God’s step child to hear from “a middle man,” not directly from your heavenly Father.

In the Old Testament time, the Holy Spirit was not living in everybody as He is today, living in every person who believes in Jesus Christ, as the Bible teaches us (1 Corinthians 3:16, 1 Corinthians 6:19).

In the Old Testament time, people used to go to people, who are called and anointed by God, to seek prayer and healing. Now, God poured out His Spirit on all who believed in Jesus Christ as He promised (Joel 2:28-30). And God anointed all His children He called to Himself through Jesus Christ. It says:

“But you have an anointing from the Holy One, and you all know. . . As for you, the anointing which you received from Him abides in you” 1 John 2:20, 27a

So, Jesus Christ lives in you. Holy Spirit lives in you. You don’t need to go to anywhere to hear what God is saying to you. The word of God is the voice of God. Read and study what God is saying to you, His child.

Second: Your husband needs to get a serious help. He, in the first place, doesn’t understand what sex is. He is seeing marital sexual intimacy as prostitution and he is expecting you to perform in a bedroom as a paid prostitute while he is expected to be a godly husband who loving make himself available to me his wife’s sexual desire as the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4.

Please hear me: You are okay and you are healthy. You don’t need any sex “experience” as he said. There is no such kind of thing. When one man and one woman who are joined in matrimony, strive together to grow and mature in Christ, their sexual fulfillment and pleasures will also grow and mature.

If a man sleeps with 37 women, he won’t get experienced in sex. Rather he gets experienced in killing his sexual nature and pleasure as he becomes sexually “confused” because God created sex in the context of marriage, in a one man and one woman relationship. Our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical wiring and make up are created to be compatible for the kind of sex God created in marriage. Outside this, there is no sexual fulfillment and pleasure, only “sexual anorexia.”

If the church leaders are not understanding your situation, call this hotline: 800-799-7233 – this is the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. No one has a right to put his hands on you. No one!

The Bible says, “We also know that THE LAW IS MADE NOT FOR the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious,” 1 Timothy 1:9a.

If the church leaders cannot handle him and save you, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The law of this land will hold him responsible and accountable for his actions.

Third: Please make time every day to read and study the Bible. Here are some websites that I recommend to you to help you study the Bible. And please order some of their Bible study materials that help you study the Bible: www.gty.org and www.ligonier.org.

May God be with you! ///