Asking apology won’t kill anyone but we need to know few things about asking apology and forgiveness.
- Saying “I am sorry” is not enough.
“Real men don’t apologize,” is one of those old time myths. Real men actually apologize because they know that they are not perfect. Someone said, “Plastic men are the ones who don’t apologize.”
- If the husband is the one who hurts the wife, the wife wants to know if her husband mean it when he says “I’m sorry.”
She wants to know if he regrets about what he did to her.
- She also wants to know if you know that you hurt her.
She wants to hear from you in what ways you hurt her so that she will genuinely accepts your apology. And spelling your wrong deeds out to your wife helps you never to hurt her in the same way again.
- Restitution is part of asking an apology.
It means – ask “What can I do to rectify my mistake?”
- Forgiveness is a decision you make consciously because you have been forgiven by God.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)
“ For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matthew 6:14-15)
God has forgiven you by decision too way before we did anything good:
“- – – While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
- Forgiveness doesn’t delete our memory
“Forgive and forget” is not a Bible verse. It has no biblical basis and it is beyond our nature. God has ability to forget our sins because He is God and He doesn’t need any memory because He is the God of NOW.
On the other hand, we, human beings, are not gods and we have what is called “memory.” That means we remember things especially the ones that made us very happy or very sad. Denying this fact is denying that we are humans.
“But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Genesis 50:19-20)
Joseph remembered what his brothers did to him but his remembrance didn’t prevent him from forgiving his brother.
- Forgiveness doesn’t remove consequences, wrong behaviors
What Joseph’s brothers did to him, the fact that he was not fully raised by his parents, the fact that Joseph spent 13 years in prison and all that are the consequences of the wrong things his brothers did to him. When Joseph forgave his brothers, all these things won’t be removed. They will be part of Joseph’s story. And his brothers behaviors won’t be different just because Joseph has forgiven them. Expecting those changes is wrong.
- Forgiveness does not rebuild trust!
Once trust has been destroyed, it needs to be built. Forgiveness though opens the possibility that trust will be built.
So, saying, “I cheated on my wife, I confessed my sin, now she is not trusting me with my phone,” is just outrageous. You have to build her trust that you destroyed before she starts to trust you.
- Forgiveness does not always result into reconciliation (bring back harmony)
Reconciliation in the context of marriage depends on many factors such as, for how long the couple has been out of harmony, how many times is the offender has committed this sin, so on and so forth. However, forgiveness opens the possibility for reconciliation but cannot guarantee reconciliation and if reconciliation doesn’t happen, that doesn’t mean that the offended party has to hold grudges against the offender. ///