Where did this “I write my own wedding vows” kind of thing come from?
I am not really sure; but I know this much: Social media and those Kardashian kinds of reality shows may have played some role into it. Talk about a wedding ceremony, you hear, “They even wrote their own wedding vows.” I mean, they choose their gender, they call any relationship a marriage; and who should write their wedding vows but them, right?
“If wedding vows are not written in the Bible, why is it wrong for me to write my own wedding vows?”
Just think about it for a second?
What does a 25- or 37-year old girl know about marriage and covenant?
She’s never been married before.
So, if this young girl writes her wedding vows, she composes them dictated by emotionally charged brain which at the time is fuzzy and drank with all sorts of romantic dreams, ideas and fantasies of how her honeymoon getaways should look like. So, her vows may sound like, “Even if I have to give my flesh to the beast of the field and the lions of the den so you live happily ever after, so be it; I will gladly do that.”
I mean, it is quite a poetry and touchy too; and it may even make our eyes teary but does it sound like a wedding vow? I leave that question to you. (BTW, more often than not, this idea of ‘let me write my own vows’ comes from the bride, not from the groom. Why? I’m not really sure.)
So, this is my advice for those of you, young people, who are getting ready to make your vows soon:
Even if it makes you look cool, modern and advanced, say “no” to the desire to write your own wedding vows. At your wedding day, give yourself gladly over to the Higher Authority, to the church, the only representative of the Higher Authority here on earth and follow the vows the church leaders have been using for years. Then strive to live up to it.
If you feel like those vows are old and outdated because they were written in the 14th-hundreds and need “a face-lift,” wait until you celebrate at least your 15th or 25th wedding anniversary so that your judgments will be right and balanced to renew the vows. But first get the approval of those whose lives and marriages are healthy and commendable before God and man. Then let the next generation of people use the updated version of the vows in the church.
Remember, when you make your wedding vows, you are not making a reality show. It is the most fearful and sacred spiritual ceremony you’ll ever have on this side of heaven. It is a solemn vow you make to God, to the people of God, to your families and friends and to your spouse and yourself that you’ll stay married with your spouse until death do you part. So, don’t let all those Kardashian kinds of reality shows have any influence in it.
Your marriage is not only all about you and your spouse, but also about God and the Body of Christ, the Church. ///
P. S. Some church leaders are refusing to officiate a wedding of a couple who writes their wedding vows. Good for them! One good example is, Russell D. Moore, PhD. Make sure you listen to what he has to say about this very issue on the Family Project series produced by Focus on the Family.