At last, I managed to convince all my older siblings to take me with them to an over-night party. I convinced them that I was old enough to go with them to one of our cousins’ graduation party.
I was sixteen, and I thought I was the oldest and wisest person in the whole wide world. Whenever someone asked me how old I was, I used to say, “Almost seventeen” even while I was sixteen years and one month old.
Taking me to a party was the last thing on my sisters’ list. Are you crazy? Let me ask you: Do you take someone who is going to put you in trouble later? I don’t think so.
When my siblings talk about going to a party, I always ask if I can go with them. They look at each other and say, “Oh, no, you can’t go. There are lots of grown-ups there.”
So, growing up, that was my number one dream. I used to read romantic fiction books and I was excited to put all the romantic dramas I learned from those books to practice, but all my older siblings were in my way.
One day, finally, my older siblings said okay to take me with them to a graduation over-night party. It will be an understatement if I said I was excited. Are you crazy! I was dying to go with them. That was the time my hair had just passed my waist, and I was approved to go to a hair-salon to get my hair straighten all out. I mean, talk about growing up, I was on the top – at least in my perspective.
Well to make a long story short, I went to the party with my older siblings and I thought I was born all over again. I thought to myself, “The life I so desire to have is here, in front of me and I am living it!”
There were cookies and sodas and there was one bottle of whiskey for the whole crowd of people. And one of my cousins said, “Missy, you don’t drink whiskey, do you?”
I laughed and said, “Well, we will see who drinks and who doesn’t.”
Wow! Where did that come from? Don’t ask me! The fun already began with one glass of whiskey. And I remember drinking the second glass but after that the only thing I remember was standing in the middle of the dance floor and saying, “Who said we have to dance with both feet! We can do it with one foot too!”
I know there are few people on this page who attended that party and I hope they won’t tell the rest of the story because they love me very much, lol.
And there was one young man who danced with me before I lost it all and I honestly don’t remember his name or his look. But I remember that he was half British and half Ethiopian and I vividly remember that one of my sisters and brother stayed closer to me. So, that young man whispered in my ears, “Why are these people dancing next to us?” I laughed and said, “They are my siblings.” And he said, “Let’s go out to have our privacy.” I said quickly, “Sure!”
And when he held my hand to lead me out, my sister came and stood on the way and said, “Oh, no, she can’t leave. If you want to dance with her, here is the floor, not outside.” (Now you know why my Berhan loves my siblings, lol).
Forget it! I don’t remember the rest. I know my loving siblings fought for me to stay inside and around 6am, I found myself in my bed. I don’t know how they managed to get me in bed. When I opened my eyes, I thought the whole world was foggy and cloudy.
None of my siblings said a word next day but I realized that I couldn’t ask to go with them to any party anymore.
I still remember how my siblings circled around and protected me that night. They saved me from myself even when I totally blew it. They also save me from the young man who wanted to take advantage of me. Why? Because they love and care for me.
But even if my siblings protected me that night, they couldn’t protect me all the way because I began living my own life by myself. After I turned seventeen and eighteen, I declared my independence and chose to lead my life as I wanted to.
To my shame, I took everybody out of my life while I was living among many loving people.
Sure, before I destroyed my life to the end, Jesus wrecked my life beyond recognition. Praise, glory, honor be to His Name forever!
After I came to Christ, the one thing that didn’t change was my tendency to want to live by myself; to lead my life all by myself. I didn’t want anybody to come to my life. I put an invisible barricade around my life to keep everybody out! And I enjoyed it but my life, as a born again Christian, became “stinky” if you know what I mean.
Then I learned that I can’t live a victorious life in Christ while I keep my brothers and sisters in Christ out of my life. Then after struggling with the truth for sometimes, I began taking one baby step after another as I let one person come to my life.
Then I learned to find the Emmanuel, God with us, with a transparent life God so desires to see in my life. Now I am addicted to letting others know my life because I became addicted to the Emmanuel I found, and find every day, in a transparent life.
Now, if I dwell on one evil thought for long, I find no rest before I confess it to someone else. Sure I ask God to forgive me but I also want someone to hear about my evil heart too.
Few days ago, I confessed one evil thought I entertained to one of my brothers in Christ. Somebody hurt me and I wanted to get even. But I knew that thought was not from God but from my evil heart. So I wanted to confess it. So, I confessed to this brother of mine. This brother is the one who mentors me in my walk with Christ and he is my role model when it comes to ministering to others. When he heard my sin from me, from my mouth, he said, “You thought like that! Oh, Missy! You thought like that!” I said, “Yes I did.” That kind of response from others humiliates me to the point of wanting to seek God’s face more; so that God will save me not from the devil, not from the evil people but from my evil heart.
This is my message for today then: Let’s surround ourselves by people who can save us from ourselves because when we blow it real bad, they rescue us. Let’s have people we can go and confess our sins to. Sure we all confess our sins to God but that doesn’t give us the freedom we so desire to have in Christ. We need to tell others so that they will hold us accountable and responsible for our actions and words. Let’s daily, willingly surrender our life to God and to others to the point of hiding nothing in our life. Remember Adam didn’t hide from God until Adam chose to sin against God. We too want to hide when we sin against God and others. The moment we decide to hide, we should know that we are living in sin. If we live in sin, we can’t walk in the light.
Let me leave you with this Word: “This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin.” 1 John 1:5-7 ///