The natural desire of a girl to be wanted, needed, desired and pursued by a man is a very strong desire. Sometimes this desire can be so strong that it forces a girl to create a reality that doesn’t really exist.
If she doesn’t master self-control over her desire, sometimes the desire itself may make the girl act flirtatiously towards a man and she may end up saying something like:
“We were chatting about something silly and he suddenly kissed me.”
You know, men are naturally scared of women. I know that sounds an “up-side-down,” kind of statement, doesn’t it?
Well, men are not scared of women, fearing that she would chop their heads off with one karate kick (as it is portrayed on the movies – laughing matter).
Oh, no, they are not scared of women that way. If mentally and emotionally matured men are confronted by a woman who threatens them physically, they run away from her as if they were cowards. It is not like they are scared of her or anything but they are scared of themselves because if they respond back to her physically, they know that they will end up checking her out from this life with only one blow and they don’t want to do that. How nice!
I’m not talking about that kind of “camouflaged fear”.
Men are scared of a woman in the area of romance. Note: I’m not addressing here those men who are rapists, pedophilia, lunatics and similar group of people. Rather, I’m addressing here those normal and healthy men we usually meet in our day to day life, like in our church, school, work area, family and friends’ gathering.
Well, the one thing a man dreads to experience is to be rejected by a woman; a woman looking at him with contempt as if to say to him, “Do you call yourself a man? Do you think you are my match?”
He can’t take that “blow” very lightly because when a man pursues a woman, he pretty much puts “all his eggs in one basket”. He presents who he is, what he knows and doesn’t know, his looks, what he can and can’t do for that woman to look at and accept or reject. If he honestly pursues her with all his being, and if she rejects him, he gets hurt to the core of himself. If he pursues her “as-a-matter-of-factly” and she rejects his request, he moves on to the next one. But if he seriously pursues her, he gets crashed. He takes her rejection as if she rejected him as a person, as a man and a human being. And fear of that kind of experience can seriously keep some men away from approaching a woman.
Some men so hate this experience more than anything that they choose not to pursue a woman and sometimes they end up marrying a woman who pretty much pursues and kidnaps them.
So often a man tends to approach a woman he is interested in with caution. He first picks the cue from the girl from very far away. If she gives him “a green light”, he takes swift step to move very quickly.
Without the cue, Beloved, no man jumps and kisses a girl. Do you read that?
So when a girl comes and says, “I know this kissing and passionate touching stuff are sinful before marriage but yesterday when I was with a guy, he suddenly kissed me,” I smile.
I wonder if she is saying, “The man couldn’t resist himself. I’m so beautiful that his self-control ability was out of whack and he was all over me.”
I know that is a kind of reality we all women want to have: A man dying of our love, bowing down for our beautiful eyes and faces to the point of being in chain for love for life. That is fantasy, my dear, especially in this century.
Let me tell you something: If a girl is willing to be in the man’s car, in the dark, flirting with him, talking about what sex is like in the marriage or how many known sex positions are there, and if the man doesn’t kiss her or do something with her, his mental, physical and emotional health status have to be checked.
After she goes with him to a cinema, takes a backseat, wearing his jacket because she is cold and if this man doesn’t kiss her and keeps his hands to himself, he should be taken to the ER for being dead while breathing. And his ER diagnosis must read something like, “The man is not responding to the normal stimuli as he was supposed to and his brain has to be checked.” And to tell you the truth, most probably, that girl won’t see him again because she will question about his sexuality.
Beloved, there is no “He suddenly kissed me” kind of reality. He doesn’t kiss anyone who doesn’t give him a permission to do so. He first takes small “baby steps” to see if he can continue. If he receives permission, he moves on to the higher ones. A man doesn’t move his hand unless he first receives a “go ahead” cue from the woman.
So the message is this: If you are a girl reading this, take note! If you wonder why men tend to like to hang around you, talk about those “forbidden” topics with you and dare to kiss your neck (ouch!), you might be sending them those irresistible cues to them, cues which they read them as, “Move to action; I’m okay. I won’t eat you.”
If more than one man reacted towards you this way, daring to talk in front of you about sexual stuff and dare to touch and kiss you, the problem may not be with the men but with you.
So, Beloved, before you blame the men, it would be excellent to see if there is any cue you are sending to them for them to act erratically towards you.
See if you are not modest in the way you are adorning yourself. See if all your main and important body parts are covered properly. When you put them all out, the cue the man gets is this: “They are free for any man,” and forces him to take a bit from that “forbidden fruit”.
Last but not least, see if you have clear biblical moral standards when it comes to sexual purity. Once you get those things straight on your part, you will successfully clear your path out of those men who may seem “suddenly” jump all over you.
The Bible says: “I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.” 1Timothy 2:9-10 ///