As a young believer in Jesus Christ, I struggled to accept some passages of the Bible with all my heart—especially those that spoke about women and wives.

For a while, I simply skipped over those passages. But every time I did, I knew something was not right.

One passage in particular was difficult for me:

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:22

At that time, I saw many women suffering under the hands of their husbands, so this command made very little sense to me.

Later in the same chapter, after describing the responsibilities of husbands and wives, Paul concludes:

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Ephesians 5:33

As a young Christian, I understood why husbands were commanded to love their wives. But I struggled with the second command.

I often asked myself,

“Why should I respect my future husband? What is so special about him? Why is he called to receive my respect?”

Over time, something changed.

Instead of skipping difficult passages, I began bringing my questions honestly before God.

One thing I have come to love about the Word of God is this:

God is never threatened by sincere questions.

When we humbly come to His Word wanting to learn rather than argue, He patiently teaches us.

The understanding I have today did not come overnight, and I certainly do not claim to understand God’s truth perfectly. His wisdom is inexhaustible.

But I would like to share one lesson the Lord has graciously taught me.

Before Paul ever addresses wives or husbands, he first writes:

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise… understand what the will of the Lord is… submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Ephesians 5:15–17, 21

Everything that follows rests on those words:

“Out of reverence for Christ.”

Only then does Paul say,

“Wives…”

“Husbands…”

If we skip verse 21, the rest of the passage will likely feel unreasonable, unfair, and even impossible.

In one sense, that reaction reveals something important.

God’s commands were never designed to fit comfortably with our sinful nature.

Our natural response is often, “I can adjust my life a little and do this.”

But the New Testament is written to people who have become new creations in Christ. God never calls us to obey Him in our own strength. He gives both the command and the grace to obey it.

So why does God call a wife to respect her husband?

The answer does not begin with the husband.

It begins with Christ.

A wife who reveres Christ first submits herself to Christ and His Word. She does not first ask whether God’s command agrees with her preferences, emotions, or comfort. She trusts that God’s wisdom is greater than her own and that His Spirit will enable her to walk in obedience.

Respect for a husband is therefore first an act of worship toward Christ.

But what happens if we begin resisting God’s Word at this point?

If left unchecked, our resistance to God’s design for marriage slowly becomes resistance to God’s authority itself.

Whenever we accept only the parts of Scripture that agree with us, we begin reshaping God into someone who fits our preferences rather than worshiping the God who has revealed Himself in His Word.

That is the beginning of idolatry.

Instead of bowing before the living God, we begin creating a god we can manage, negotiate with, and redefine according to our own desires.

A wife’s respect for her husband does not begin with her husband.

It begins with her reverence for Christ.

In this message, we established the foundation: a wife’s respect for her husband begins with her reverence for Christ.

Lord willing, next time we will continue building on that foundation by looking at additional biblical principles that shape what respectful submission looks like in everyday married life. Rather than giving a human checklist, we want to let Scripture shape our thinking so that our actions naturally flow from a renewed heart. ///