What Does Respecting Your Husband Look Like? — Continued

We continue where we left off last time.

Last time, we began with the most foundational principle: a wife’s respect for her husband begins with her reverence for God.

Ephesians 5:33 says:

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

A Christian wife’s respect for her husband is not ultimately rooted in his personality, accomplishments, education, or even how lovable he happens to be on a particular day.

Her respect begins somewhere higher.

It begins with God.

Her motto can be:

“My husband, I gladly respect you because I worship the God who commands me to respect you.”

Respect God First

A wife who reveres Christ submits herself first to Christ and His Word.

Her husband will not always behave respectably. Neither will she. Marriage brings two sinners together who continually need God’s grace.

But her husband’s behavior does not become the ultimate authority determining hers.

God’s Word does.

Have Respect for Yourself

The second principle may sound surprising:

Have respect for yourself.

A Christian wife must remember who she is.

Scripture says:

“See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.”
1 John 3:1

And believers are commanded to:

“walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called.”
Ephesians 4:1

Even in the privacy of her marriage, a Christian woman represents her King.

So if her husband speaks disrespectfully, she doesn’t have to match his attitude.

She does not allow his sinful behavior to determine what kind of woman she becomes.

Her identity in Christ does.

This does not mean pretending sin is acceptable, avoiding disagreement, suppressing legitimate concerns, or refusing to confront wrongdoing.

It means speaking truth without surrendering godliness.

Some wives say:

“Unless I shout, he won’t listen. He made me shout.”

Another person’s sin may provoke and tempt us, but before God we remain responsible for our own response.

Shouting may occasionally win a battle. But what happens to the marriage when shouting, insults, contempt, and name-calling become its normal language?

What happens to friendship?

What happens to the children who are watching?

Most importantly, does our response glorify Christ?

Your Husband Is Not You

The third principle sounds obvious:

Your husband is not you.

Yet many marital frustrations grow because one spouse unconsciously expects the other to think, remember, respond, prioritize, and reason exactly as they do.

Genesis 2:24 says husband and wife become one flesh.

But one flesh does not mean one personality.

Marriage joins two distinct people.

Your husband may remember differently.

Think differently.

Communicate differently.

Notice different things.

Have different strengths and weaknesses.

Respect means learning to distinguish between sin that must be addressed and difference that should simply be understood.

Perhaps your husband forgets appointments more easily than you do. Instead of turning every forgotten appointment into a character indictment, perhaps you remind him, use a shared calendar, or divide responsibilities according to your respective strengths.

Marriage is not two people spending their lives trying to remake one another in their own image.

It is two different people whom God has joined together, learning by His grace to love and serve one another for His glory.

So far, we have considered three principles:

Respect God first.
Remember who you are in Christ.
Remember that your husband is not you.

Lord willing, we will continue with more biblical principles next time. ///