A4P Guest: “I read some of your articles and read what you’ve been writing about men and I have a question about that. So, as a single man, I know that women have menstrual cramp during their period cycle but how that pain feels and how they process it from the inside, I don’t know. I don’t know because I’m not a woman but a man. On one of your recent blogs, titled "Issue of Kissing," you said this: “When a man looks at his wife’s naked body, he thinks – – -”. So, my question for you is this: While you are a woman, how can you know what a man thinks? ”

A4P: I live in a neighborhood where I see deer as often as I see human beings. I know that is a little funny but hey we love to see them.

Like 20+ years ago, I began to think a lot about the deer in our neighborhood because they seem to be very “foolish” when it comes to staying away from trouble or I will say, staying away from the highway. As if they were cars, they tend to jump in the middle of a busy highway and die.

I love animal and I love these precious creatures of God but I hate to see them dying left and right. Then I began to read and learn a lot about them. I learned that these precious animals don’t just die every day and around the clock; even if that was what it felt like for me. Rather, they die during the fall season. Yes, this is the season for most of them to depart from this life.

And I also learned that they are dying during the fall season because it is their “mating” season. So when you look at a deer during October or November, you have to know that the only thing in its mind (well, there is no mind to it only instincts but let’s say it has mind just for the sake of the discussion) the only thing in its mind is sex.

So, if I write on my blog saying, “If you see a deer during October, make sure you drive slowly because the deer won’t see you. The only thing it sees is a female deer and the only thing it thinks about is sex,” will I be questioned how I happened to know that while I was a human being not a deer?

You see, if you are sitting there and trying to know about only men, you will soon face danger when you start dealing with your woman.

Yes, it is good for you to know about women. You don’t have to be a woman for you to know about them. Read about how their brain works, process and interpret information. Know about women’s sexual nature; how they think about sex so that you know how to handle your woman. Otherwise you may try to attract your wife sexually by being naked because that is one of the ways you get sexually attracted. And if you try to attract your wife that way, you will fail terribly.

BTW, are you interested to know what your future wife may think when she sees you naked? In case you are interested, let me tell you.

This is what she thinks: “When am I going to finish doing the laundry I’ve started in the morning?” or she most probably thinks like this: “Thank You, LORD, for creating clothes for my husband to wear them every day.”

For you to know this about your woman, you don’t need to be a woman. All you need to be is a person who is willing to learn and live according to the right information you have about you and others for the good of you and others (in this case, your wife). And at the end, make sure you share with others the information which changed your life and marriage for better. ///

A4P Guest: “If I ask you to give me only one principle to do dating and courting right so that I won’t sin against God, what would be that principle?”

A4P: Excellent question!

Only one principle: When you want to hide an action from others, you should know that you are sinning against God and others.

Let me ask you: If you want to kiss your date, do you do it in the church, in front of your pastor, and other believers or do you want to do it at the back of your car, at night time, a time that nobody can see you?

Do you “pet” your date in the church or in the dark room of your apartment?

If you are honest, you will say that you won’t do those things in public. I mean do I need to say that those things are considered as "foreplay," an important step for a sexual intimacy of married couples? I don’t think so because I recently said that. Foreplay is not for you as a single person. So when you want to do those "biblically illegal" stuff, you want to hide them. Don’t you? The moment you want to do that, remember that you are sinning against God and others. So, stay away from those things.

Well, that being said though, there is a question that begs an answer: Do you have high regard to the church of Christ and to the believers of Jesus Christ?

Similar question: Do you have anyone you honor and respect enough for you to limit yourself from acting out inappropriately, sinfully?

If your answer to any of the above questions is “No” or if you say something like, “I don’t have a church. I don’t care about anyone and I don’t care what anyone says about my life,” then the above “principle” is useless for you!

That means if you don’t have a home church which you are part of and believers who care about you, you are right there in a danger zone. The stage is set for you to fall in sin. And when you are in that zone, you have no choice but live in sin.

Remember, we need each other (as the part of a Body of Christ) so that we stay away from the trap of the devil (our body organs, such as stomach or liver can’t fight alone apart from the body but when they stay in the body, they can fight virus, bacteria and even cancer).

The moment we decide to separate ourselves from the Body of Christ, we will be snatched by the devil. Then we start to hide everything.

Remember, devil steals us first from the family of God; then convince us not to care about others; then kills us (kills every good thing we have and may even kill us) and at last he destroys us to the point of nobody is able to remember neither us nor our descendants. Read John 10:10 ///

Most teens are losing their lives in the middle of this corrupted world not because they want to get lost but because their fathers are not getting involved in raising them.

Most teens are 100% dependent on their mothers who work two or three jobs to make the ends meet or try her best to be a mother and a father to her kids since her husband doesn’t get involved.

Are you a father? Are you involved in your sons’ and daughters’ life?

Making money and bringing the money is not all about fathering but being there for kids and being 100% involved in your kids’ life. Please don’t let TV and the culture raise your kids. It is not the church’s responsibility to raise your kids. The Bible says, “Teach your children about the law and precepts of God.” It never gives this instruction to the church but to you, fathers. Fathers you are not called only to be providers but protectors, servant-leaders, teachers, spiritual models, mentors, lovers and representatives of God to their daughters and sons.

Boys may get older physically in years but they can’t be MEN without a father who shows them how to be A MAN; or more how to be A MAN OF GOD! There are 40 and 50 years old or even older boys walking around. They are stuck in boyish-hood status because they have no way of knowing what it means to be A MAN! And one way for a boy to claim his manhood is through finding his sexuality and letting his sexuality be under the control of the Holy Spirit. Henceforth, one of the identifying characteristics of A MAN is SELF-CONTROL; (He knows how to control his sexual urges!) He knows how to channel his sexual desires to its rightful place (marriage); he is not given over to his sexual instincts. He uses his brain to harness his sexual urges; his sexual body part doesn’t tell him when to have sex but his heart which is molded and shaped by the WORD OF GOD!

Are you that man? If you are not, seek men of God in churches. Stick with them! Tap in to their lifestyle and “catch” their character. Find a mentor for you to follow after so that you come out of “boyish-hood”. Then you will know how to fight for your boys; know how important it is for you to be there for your boys and girls! ///

I was very excited to see this brother of mine in Christ preaching in my home church. I remember that Sunday morning as if it was yesterday. I met this brother in one revival conference immediately after I received Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. He was a bit older than me and he had been a follower of Jesus Christ for quite sometimes. Though our meeting was for a brief period of time, he left a mark in my heart when it comes to loving Christ and being sold out for the cause of Christ. After that meeting, I didn’t see him for a couple of years.

Within those two years of time, he began an international ministry and was invited to our church to speak. I was very excited to see him behind the pulpit. I could tell he recognized me from far away and I couldn’t wait to see him after the service. In the middle of his message, he mentioned about his marriage and their first child. So I learned something new about him that I didn’t know before.

Sitting there and listening about his ministry and family, I began preparing answers for the possible questions he might later ask me. I knew I had to congratulate him for his marriage and son but didn’t know what to tell him if he would ask me about the proposal ring I was wearing on my ring-finger.

So, the service ended and I ran to him and we hugged and exchanged warm greetings. I sure was very happy to see him. As I guessed it, the first thing he noticed was my proposal ring. So, he asked, “I see ring on your finger. Congra! Praise the LORD! So, where is our brother?”

I smiled and didn’t reply. He insisted and said, “Seriously, where is he? I want to meet him.”

I knew that he wouldn’t take a smile for an answer. So, I said, “He doesn’t come to church.”

He stopped as if the whole world stopped moving. Without saying a word, he stared at me as if he would hear me say something like, “Kidding.”

Then he asked, “What do you mean he doesn’t come to church? Does he believe in Jesus?”

I wanted to cry. Trying to pull myself together, I said, “No, he doesn’t come to church and he doesn’t believe in Jesus.”

I began to bit my cheeks from the inside to chase away my tears which were quickly welling up in my eyes. I vividly remember his sad look; and he said,

“Missy, then this ring doesn’t belong to you. You belong to Christ and the person you are talking about doesn’t belong to you. You can only marry a believer as the Bible says. There is no exception to this biblical principle. The Bible clearly says that we can’t marry an unbeliever. Do you understand me? You are a child of God and you can only marry a man who is a child of God. No way around this! Take this ring out.”

I felt like throwing up; not because I was disgusted by what he was saying but because I was confused to the point of not knowing what to do with my life.

I didn’t even know where the Bible says that believers shouldn’t get married to an unbeliever (now I know where to find it, lol, 2 Corinthians 6:14) but I heard that verse being preached and I wanted to do it as it says but didn’t know how to do it.

Oh, how I wish you could see his face. He was speaking to me shutting off everybody who was standing and waiting to talk to him. I knew he cared about me. I could sense his brotherly love for me. He was speaking the truth in to my life. But I didn’t know what to say to him.

Well, my “an unbeliever boyfriend” promised to pick me up from the church. So, he came and picked me up after the church service ended and asked me if I wanted to go to DC for lunch.

“Lunch? No, I don’t want lunch. I want to disappear from this life,” I said to myself, looking away from him.

When I didn’t reply to him, he asked me, “What’s wrong with you?”

Oh, how I love that question when it is asked at the right time. Without wasting my time, I said, “You and I can’t be together. We can’t get married.”

Without exaggeration, I hated the next breath my lungs took at that moment because I didn’t want to see myself after saying those words to the man I love to death.

Beloved, that was nineteen years ago. Oh, there is a God who hears our prayers; there is a God who collects all our tears in His hands. There is a God who hears our “unspoken” prayers. I praise Him forever!

I didn’t know that God had already been working in his soul. Oh, before I or he realized it, God put his soul on “the royal chariots” (Songs of Solomon 6:12). Christ was already sitting on the throne of his soul and changed his life forever.

Then, within a very short time, he became the man of my dream, a man who lays his hands on me and prays for me and says into my ears things like, “Oh, how I praise God for giving me you as a wife”.

I’m very thankful for the people God put in my life during those tough times. I thank God for that brother who risked his relationship with me as he decided to confront me about my compromised lifestyle. He stepped into my personal life to tell me the pure truth of God. He was determined to tell me that what I was doing was not right.

Yes, let’s not pass a brother or a sister in Christ when we see them living in sin. When they want us to celebrate with them about their compromised lifestyle, let’s let’s dare to step in to their life in love and truth. Let’s say to them something like: “No, I won’t celebrate with you and for you because what you are doing to yourself will hurt you; will hurt your children; will hurt the Body of Christ and will hurt the next generation. I love you and I care about you. So, I don’t want to see you get hurt like this. You are rebelling against God and if you continue in this path, you will ultimately destroy your life.”

Yes, let’s speak the truth in the life of our brothers and sisters but we have to make sure that we do it with care, love and respect. When the truth reaches out to others with respect, love and compassion, it does miracle in their life. ///

A4P Guest: I read most of your articles but your last two articles about kissing changed my life forever! Thank you!

Now it is getting very hard for me to convince my girlfriend for her to embrace God’s standard of sexual purity. I told her to read some of your articles. She liked your page and read some and unliked your page the next day. I don’t know what to do?

A4P: You know, sometimes it takes time for all of us to take the Truth of God to heart and make it ours. We all need time to process it through. Sometimes we struggle and try to defend our side of the story. We may quote Bible verse here and there and try to give million excuses and explanations why we are right. And most of the time, we know that we are wrong but we do it anyways because we need time to let go to what we hold on to for years. And that my dear is not easy to do for all of us as it is for you.

The good news is the Truth of God patiently waits for us, unwaveringly. It changes us but no one and nothing can change it!

So, give her time. Approach her in love and respect. Try to understand why she is saying what she is saying. You see, we usually don’t choose sexual immorality because we are sexually immoral people but we have deep seated unresolved issues, hurts and pains which we bring with us wherever we go. We may be struggling with low self-esteem; inferiority and/or superiority complex, we may not know how to give and receive love; we might be rejected as a child and we fear being rejected as adults and the only way for us to make sure that one is not going to reject us is by taking control of the sexual side of life. So, bear with her. Don’t preach to her. Make sure you stand on your ground but not in a judgmental way. Be open to try to understand her. Listen to her heart and mind. However never try to comfort her by giving her what she is asking you. Stand your ground!

A4P Guest: Let me tell you more about our issue so that you will have a good understanding of what is going on. I’m not new to your page. I’ve been following you for the last seven months. My girlfriend and I were sexually active. We both go to church. She is in choir and I help out in the music department. The first day I read one of your articles about sex before marriage, I got convicted. I read it while I was at work. I couldn’t wait until I went home and I cried before God. I knew that day what has been destroying my life. I wanted to glorify my God in my sexual life. So, I called her and told her about your page. She read the article I read and she said, “she is writing what she thinks is right. She is entitled to her opinion. What is a big deal about that? We can’t put God in a box and say, sex before marriage is a sin.”

I was about to hung up the phone but I knew I shouldn’t act that way. I realized that she was not convicted but I told her that I wanted to stay away from sex. We were not doing sex every day or anything but like once a month. She was very upset with me. After that we never had sex but we continued kissing and everything else. I knew it was wrong but I felt like I needed to do it for her and I didn’t know how to tell her that it was wrong.

Now, after reading your article about kissing, I told her that I wanted to stop kissing and petting too. She was very upset with me.. She even said, “Is this woman your God or you are still following the God of the Bible? If you are following the God of the Bible, then God is not against love.” She always thinks that she knows everything about God and the Bible.

Right now, even seeing her makes me nervous. I feel like I am losing my relationship with Christ whenever I am with her. I think I am at the crossroad where I need to choose one road since I can’t take both. Do you think I am right to think that way?

A4P: It is a very sad reality. Yes, I believe you are right to think that. I think you have to let the girl go but don’t just shut her off. Tell her that you decided to move on with your life without her. Your decision may quicken something in her. I hope she won’t fake conviction but she may be willing to listen to you. Don’t force her to like my page. That won’t usually work. Instead, make the door open for her. Let her know that you still care about her. Tell her that you can be reached at the Cross of Jesus Christ and of course you make sure that you stay there. If she comes to you, she is yours brother! If she says “Good-bye,” let her go.

Oh, what a sad story! Many women out there are crying to convince their boyfriends to stay away from pre-marital sex; not the other way around. Yours is exceptional but not unique! Anyways, good luck my brother; and remember this: “If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.” 1 Peter 4:14. ///

Just because a girl loves to death the man she is in a relationship with doesn’t mean that she is his wife. She is still one of the girls who have a potential to be his wives.

So, whenever you find a girl who acts as if she is married to a man she is seeing, if you find her saying things like, "We usually like to eat steak on the same plate," make sure you lovingly pull her on a side and advise her like this:

"Don’t be foolish my Sista. You ain’t his wife and don’t act like one. Rather put distance between you and this man so that you encourage him to take the next step, the step to make you not one of the girls but the only girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Once he is yours legally and biblically, then you can even say, "We don’t like to drink from separate coffee mugs."

Isn’t the last statement sweet when it comes from a married girl who refers to her relationship with her husband! I’m telling you! It is just sweet! It is like listening to one of King Solomon’s beautiful and romantic love songs! And when we hear that, we tend to say to her, "Please say it one more time because it is sweet to our ears and pure and holy to our eyes! But when we hear it from a single and "in a relationship" girl, – – – – ///