Choosing Friends to A Young Man

Providing mentorship to a young boy during his formative years with the teachings of God’s word has the potential to rescue an entire generation.

As you are aware, we have been delivering a series of teachings on mentoring and nurturing a young boy in accordance with the word of God while he is under the care of his parents. If you haven’t been keeping up with these sessions, we strongly encourage you to do so now in order to follow today’s post.

In our previous discussion, we addressed the crucial matter of mentoring a young man in the context of choosing his friends. However, before delving into today’s topic, we want to emphasize a specific message to parents of young children right here: Keep in mind that whatever values you, as parents, seek to instill in your children’s lives may or may not manifest. The outcome is contingent upon the young man’s unique nature and life path, as guided by God’s plan above all else.

Paul writes,

“I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building” 1 Corinthians 3:6-9 NIV

It is God who bestows “growth” upon what we have planted and watered, not us. The outcome always rests in God’s hands, not ours. Our duty and responsibility lie in performing our part, in planting and nurturing. In the context of mentoring a young man, our role is to instruct him during his formative years, providing him with the teachings of the word of God and imparting the wisdom found therein. The ultimate results of our efforts belong to God, not to us. We fulfill our part through faith, relying on trust in God and His word, believing that God will bring our endeavors to fruition. If God chooses otherwise, we have confidence in His superior plan. We place our trust and faith in God.

For instance, parents are not tasked with choosing friends for their children; rather, children make their own choices in friends. Parents, within the home, instruct their children on how to exercise wisdom not only in selecting friends but also in various aspects of their lives. At times, some parents, lacking the guidance and instruction on instilling wisdom in their child’s life based on the word of God, caution their son against befriending those schoolmates they perceive as “bad kids.” Later, to their dismay, these parents discover that their son has indeed formed associations with those boys. Why? The boy lacks the tools, knowledge, or strategies to resist the influence of his peers. He is ill-equipped to counteract peer pressure. Thus, commands like “Don’t do that” from his mother inadvertently prompt the boy to do just that (Romans 7:7).

The wise mentor continuous in illustrating to the young man how friends who may not be beneficial try to draw him into their circle:

10 My son, if sinners entice you,
    do not consent.
11 If they say, “Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood;
    let us ambush the innocent without reason;
12 like Sheol let us swallow them alive,
    and whole, like those who go down to the pit;
13 we shall find all precious goods,
    we shall fill our houses with plunder;
14 throw in your lot among us;
    we will all have one purse”—
15 my son, do not walk in the way with them;
    hold back your foot from their paths,” Proverbs 1:10-15 ESV

They endeavor to allure him with ideas such as “let’s achieve quick wealth by outsmarting others who are considered foolish” and “No hard work is required, just be as clever as us, and we’ll all become billionaire-brothers together.” They instill in a boy’s heart a feeling of belonging that they themselves lack. The boy is drawn in by their invitation to become “one of them,” a member of “their cool club.”

Parents mentor and cultivate their young boys at home to enable them to select friends who value wisdom and believe in hard work to attain valuable things in life. The ultimate outcome of mentoring and nurturing a young boy in wisdom is for him to independently stand on his own feet and make choices and decisions that enhance his life when his parents are not present.

As the mentor continues imparting wisdom to the young man, he emphasizes that wisdom is attainable only through diligent effort and hard work:

1My son, if you receive my words
    and treasure up my commandments with you,
making your ear attentive to wisdom
    and inclining your heart to understanding;
yes, if you call out for insight
    and raise your voice for understanding,
if you seek it like silver
    and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
    and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom;
    from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;” Proverbs 2:1-6 ESV

A well-trained young man understands that wisdom and all the valuable aspects of life can only be acquired through hard work, not through idleness or by exploiting others. According to the sage, to attain wisdom, one must

if you seek it like silver
    and search for it as for hidden treasures,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord
    and find the knowledge of God.” Proverbs 2:4-5 ESV

No one can discover or generate silver by simply relaxing and wasting time in front of a phone screen. The same principle applies to hidden treasures. Have you heard the tales of those self-proclaimed treasure hunters? To reach the desired treasure, they dedicate themselves tirelessly day and night, not just for a day or a week, but sometimes for years. Why? Uncovering these concealed treasures is akin to securing enough wealth for a lifetime. This is the level of passion and pursuit a young man should have for wisdom and understanding, eschewing idleness or clever yet unethical actions like theft and crime.

Some young men believe that attending church every day and actively participating in various church services will lead them to find wisdom, knowledge, and the fear of God. While it is commendable to attend church for worship and to glorify God alongside fellow believers, and serving others within the church community is a positive and blessed endeavor, it is essential to note that simply attending church or engaging in service activities, such as leading worship or producing a song CD, does not automatically make a young man wise. If a young man chooses to immerse himself in church activities 24/7, energetically involved in various tasks and leading all worship services, it does not guarantee that he will become a man of God filled with wisdom and genuine reverence for the LORD. Instead, he may become a domineering figure who, despite claiming to serve in the church, ends up causing harm to the lives of many young women.

Why?

Wisdom, knowledge, and the fear of God are attainable for a young man who consistently surrenders his life to the will and word of God through devotion, prayer, and the study/meditation of the scriptures. Such a young man, trained in this manner, not only engages in church and ministry activities but also allocates time to uphold his sexual integrity and combat the temptations of his own sinful flesh and desires.

Some young girls may be attracted to a young man who is consistently active in church activities around the clock. They may think, “He is very spiritual! You can find him at church anytime.” However, this perspective is fundamentally flawed. If a young girl observes a young man who is always present in church, running around 24/7 and leading all worship services, she should consider distancing herself from him. There’s a significant likelihood that such a young man is not genuinely God-fearing and wise, but rather a pretentious individual- – – Contd. ///