You have no idea how I love Maryland! Yes, I do!
Whenever I travel, I cannot wait to be back to Maryland where I find my earthly home. So, it is good to be back to Maryland.
I was away for a few weeks and thank you all for all your patience especially those of you who waited for me to continue marriage counseling and/or Marriage Classes you started with me.
I traveled to Ethiopia with my beautiful, only, graduating daughter, Lydia Banko. Lydia graduated from University of Maryland this past May and she is now a Chemical Engineer. You have no idea how proud we, her parents, are of her. Praise God! It’s always been my wish and desire to travel with Lydia, only we ladies, without any man, all by ourselves. It was such a joyful but short trip. I spent my time with this pretty girl not as a mother with her daughter but as I spent my time with my best friend. We talked for hours, cried, prayed and studied the Bible together. Anyways, may the name of Jesus be blessed for giving me this precious time with my only daughter!
But I missed you all! I seriously did! Hope all of you are doing well.
Since I spent the last three weeks with my only daughter (a daughter of diaspora parents), I wanted to make my first message after a vacation to be for diaspora parents (parents from Ethiopia who are raising their “Ethiopian-American” children here in America).
Our children may belong to one of these generations depending on their age: Millennials, Generation Z (or, commonly called the Zoomers) and Generation Alpha.
Today I want to focus on children who are older than 14 and up, especially the ones who are in their late teens and early twentieth (Gen Z).
We diaspora parents (note, I am included in this) sometimes don’t seem to know and realize the tough life path our children are on. Putting all life stressors on a side, Covid by itself turned our lives upside down in many ways especially our children’s lives. Many young people now, after Covid, struggle with panic attacks, generalized anxiety, depression, loneliness, isolation and on and on.
But we parents, without taking into consideration our children’s struggles, still lecture our children to strive more in school, to get good grades and excel in every area of life. I mean, every parent advises and encourages children to do well in school. There is nothing wrong with that. But when such things as Covid interrupt our lives in a major way, we need to pay close attention to our children to find a way to ease their stress and anxiety. No parent can do that unless they come close to their children, not in a judgmental way, but in a compassionate and understanding way, to know and understand them.
You see, sometimes we parents focus on the end while we ignore each step and process that leads up to the end and every “pump” that delays or stops the process in between. Do you know what kinds of parents we’re going to be when we do that? We become mean, senseless, mindless, and narcissistic parents who demand success and all kinds of achievements from each one of our children regardless of their God-given gifts, talents, potentials, struggles, challenges, limitations, desires and dreams.
This is not good!
The first thing our children need to know from us parents is that each one of them are loved by us unconditionally, that they don’t need to do anything to deserve our love and don’t need to perform to earn our love. We cannot communicate this message to our children by words but mainly by our actions.
Do we have any relationship with our children? Do we listen to them? Do we laugh at their jokes? Do we take time to know them? How do we react when our children won’t do well in school? Do we come close to them to see if we can be of any help for them; or do we threaten them with our merciless and harsh statements such as, “You will never amount to anything! You may as well drop out of school now and be homeless!”
The Bible says,
“Fathers (or, Parents), do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 NLT
Children who don’t do well in school or struggle to stay in school won’t need our lectures and threats but our willingness to help them and be on their side in whatever they choose to do. Sometimes they choose to take a gap year(s) to collect their mind and sharpen their focus so they know and decide what they want to do in their lives.
Our presence in our children’s life and journey hopefully brings the Lord’s instruction in a loving and respectful manner, without stepping on their toes or disregarding their bents and unique personalities. But if we are parents who don’t stay tuned with the word and Spirit of God to instruct and guide our children in the Lord’s way, we literally become annoyance to them in everything we say and do and we “provoke” them to anger as the word of God says.
What am I saying today?
We diaspora parents need to try our best to be our children’s best allies in these trying, difficult and tough times! There is no way we can be though unless we ourselves know how to spend time with the word of God and the Spirit of God in prayers so we know when to speak in knowledge and wisdom or when to keep quiet. Sometimes our children need our respectful presence without saying a word or two. Parents who spend most times before God in prayer on behalf of their children know when to speak or when to shut up because after everything is said and done, it becomes clear to them that only God knows how to lead their children “besides still waters.” No one else!
May God help us all! ///