A4P Guest: My plan since I was a child is to get married when I turn 25. I am a born-again Christian man and I am dating a 22-year old girl. She is a born-again Christian too. I am 24 years old now. So, if things go well, I plan to get married next summer. Unfortunately, I found out that the girl I am dating has cheated on me.

A4P: Oh, no! I’m so sorry this happened to you. How did you find out? Did she confess or you caught her?

A4P Guest: Unfortunately, I caught her.

A4P: Ugh! But why “unfortunately?”

A4P Guest: It was unfortunate for her that she couldn’t lie to me again.

A4P: Oh, “again?” Is this her second time cheating on you?

A4P Guest: This is actually her third time cheating on me.

A4P: Oh? So, what is your question for me?

A4P Guest: I am planning to speak to her tonight and I am looking for a wise direction as to how approach this so she wouldn’t do this again.

A4P: Hmm! What does that mean really?

A4P Guest: You know, I told her last time how this thing was affecting her and our relationship and she was crying and making promises never to do it again but here she is again. So, I thought this time I needed to handle it differently.

A4P: I have a quick question for you.

A4P Guest: Sure!

A4P: So, you said, she cheated on you two times in the past. And how did you find out about those two previous affairs?

A4P Guest: In the same way I found out the last one.

A4P: But you said, “Unfortunately” as if this was the first time you caught her red-handed?

A4P Guest: Hard to explain but in the past, she tried to lie but this time, there was no way for her to lie about it.

A4P: What do you want from this girl?

A4P Guest: What do you mean?

A4P: What do you want this girl to be to you?

A4P Guest: I want her to be my wife next year.

A4P: But she is not your girlfriend today. How can she be your wife tomorrow?

A4P Guest: But she is my girlfriend. I am open to forgive her. You know, I understand why she is doing this thing. She has her own struggles.

A4P: Hmm! So, you are looking for a patient that you can take a care of, not a life partner? I asked this because this doesn’t seem like a statement from a man who is looking for a wife.

A4P Guest: I didn’t understand.

A4P: Look! The purpose of dating is to look for a wife, right?

A4P Guest: Yes!

A4P: Good! So, you date a girl and you see if she is a marriage material, means, if she can be a wife, right?

A4P Guest: Right.

A4P: And what are your criteria to judge if the woman is a marriage material or not?

A4P Guest: She has to be a born-again Christian.

A4P: What does that mean?

A4P Guest: A girl who believes in the Lord Jesus Christ.

A4P: How would you know if a girl believes in the Lord Jesus Christ?

A4P Guest: I ask her.

A4P: And?

A4P Guest: If she says, yes, that means she must be a believer.

A4P: Hold on a second! Do you have a male friend that you can open up to and pray together with?

A4P Guest: I grew up with my mother and I get along very well with women than men but I have many friends of both genders but not “close” men friends.

A4P: Oh! That might be it, young man! You see, you first need to find your masculinity before you look for a feminine life partner. Let me ask further question, if I may, did you have a father figure in your life?

A4P Guest: My mother raised us, me and my two sisters, all by herself. She was and still is a strong woman and I am very proud of her. Because of her prayers that I am still in Christ. She taught us how to forgive and let go of grudges for the sake of Christ.

A4P: Young man, listen to me carefully please: By you “forgiving” a girl who cheated on you three times is not forgiveness but a sign that you may not know the difference between a kind brother and a husband. I am sure your mother and sisters love you to death! And I am sure you forgave them many of their wrongs, good for you and you have to!

But a wife is not a sister. When you marry her, she will be one with you. Who she is now before marriage tells you who she is going to be after marriage. Are you looking for a wife who cheats on you, her husband?

A4P Guest: No, no! You got me wrong. I don’t see marriage and dating in the same way.

A4P: Okay. Show me how you see them differently.

A4P Guest: She is cheating because I am not with her 24/7, you know, as a husband and a wife.

A4P: Young man, it will be wise for you to listen to me carefully because the more you talk, the more you express your ignorance in this area. This does not mean you are ignorant in every area of life. It just means, you’re immature in this area. And what you need is a real man in your life, a young man who is married and leads a healthy marriage. Be mentored by him. And read what a husband should be from spiritual books. Read as much as you can until you find yourself at the point where you say to yourself, “I don’t think I can be a husband.” Then, only then will I say that you are ready to look for a wife. Now because you are getting along very well with all the women in your life, including your sisters and mother, that you thought you knew how to be a husband, a man, to a wife/woman. Your thoughts and assumptions are wrong. A wife is different from a mother, a sister, a friend, a neighbor and all that. Please find “men-mentors,” but matured and spiritual men who talk the talk and walk the walk. I hope and pray you heed my advice.

A4P Guest: What about the girl I am seeing now?

A4P: Let the men first teach you how to be a man and a husband. Then you decide later what to do with her. In my opinion, for now, it is better to let go of your dream to get married at the age of 25. If it happens, okay; if it doesn’t, it should be okay too. Life has its own map, a map that sometimes matches your dreams and other times, it doesn’t match your dreams. ///