I made videos and wrote few articles (two or three) and shared on this page about NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) to create awareness in this particular mental disorder so people who have NPD would seek help and counseling for it. At the same time, I wanted to be a voice to many voiceless wives who are married to men who have NPD, to equip wives so they know how to live with their NPD husbands and know their limits.
However, some wives are taking this NPD thing out of proportion and they quickly diagnose their husbands with it. My friends, NPD is a very serious diagnosis. It is a mental health issue and we can only determine for a person to have NPD after the person is clinically evaluated by a trained professional, mainly a psychiatrist.
The main characters of NPD are obsession with self-worth (look or achievement), selfishness, and a lack of empathy, insensitive to other’s needs and desires and more. I mean, look at it: Don’t you know anyone very close to you who exhibits some of these traits to a certain extent?
I hope your answer is, “Yes, I know and that person is me (yourself).”
I mean, hello! We all came to this life as sinners, carrying a sinful gene we got from our fore-parents, Adam and Eve. But through time and life experience, prayer and reading, studying and meditating the word of God, we learn, slowly but surely, how to say “no” to our needs and be sensitive to others; we learn how to sympathize with others. Look at a little girl or a boy? Do you think they care about your feelings, needs and desires?
That is what I’m saying!
But that little boy/girl will soon, hopefully, grow out of it and they mature and learn how to live with others.
In the case of NPD, however, there is no “growing out of it.” They continue to be tooooo obsessed with themselves, being selfish even if their selfishness and narcissism cause others pain. And remember, NPD is rare! So, please, let’s not go around and diagnose people with NPD without knowing enough about NPD. Even after we know enough, unless the person comes to us for a treatment because we are trained psychiatrists, we shouldn’t diagnose anyone with NPD or anything, especially our spouses. Doing so is not good!
Instead, it is always good and right to work on ourselves. It is always easy to hide behind our spouse’s faults and mistakes, even diagnosis, while we ourselves carry “a log” in our eyes that wreaks havoc in our marriages.
The Bible says,
““Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5 NASB
Do you see it?
So, let’s work on ourselves first! Let’s strive to change our nasty attitudes and mean spirited tendencies first before we turn to our spouses and diagnose them. Let’s first seek counseling and treatment for ourselves. Then as the Bible says, we may be able to “clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Always remember this: Two people are involved in a marriage. If one party takes full responsibility for him/herself and work on their side of the fence, 50% of the problem can be solved. Think about it! ///