“Thinking of Leaving My Husband”

A4P Guest: I am very stressed to the point of thinking of leaving my husband.
A4P: Wow! Leaving your husband? That is not good. What is going on?
A4P Guest: I hope you understand me. So, my husband and I have three boys. I work day and night to give to my boys a better life. My husband, on the other hand, doesn’t do a thing.

A4P: Hmm. That is not good at all. I mean, your husband doesn’t have a job?
A4P Guest: He does; it’s just that he doesn’t put any effort to go to school and do something better that pays him well. I came to the US with no education background. After I came here, I studied nursing and I am now trying to get my masters. My husband studied accounting back home but he is driving taxi. Can you believe that? I told him how he can take few courses that will help him to take the board exam to be a CPA (certified public account). Does he listen to me? No! I mentioned this to him just last week and guess what? He hasn’t been speaking to me since.
A4P: Hold on a second. So, you tell your husband to go to school and improve his life?
A4P Guest: Yes!
A4P: You think he hasn’t been thinking about that? Do you think he is driving taxi for fun?
A4P Guest: I know why he drives taxi. It makes him lazy and he likes that.
A4P: And by you nagging him to go to school, did you bring any change in him so far?
A4P Guest: Absolutely nothing!
A4P: And trying the same thing over and over that has never worked is insane! Don’t you think so?
A4P Guest: I hope you’re not telling me to leave him alone?
A4P: Yes, I am! Leave the man alone. Helping and encouraging him in what he chooses to do in life is your call, “a suitable helper”. It is not your place to dream for your husband and make him do and be what you dreamt he would do and be. I know, this might be hard for you to swallow especially if you had been like this since day one, trying to change your husband. And this is the only thing that can save your marriage. Quick question: How old are your boys?
A4P Guest: They are 4, 6 and 7.
A4P: If your husband drives taxi, that means he has very flexible schedule that allows him to spend more time with his boys and he may help you a lot driving the kids to school and back and all that, right?
A4P Guest: Yes, he does. I am thankful about that but you know, now is the time for him to go to school since three of our boys are in school.
A4P: My sister, I don’t know what kind of dream you have for your boys but if I were you, I will be very thankful for my husband to spend as much time as he can with the boys. And what better life are you dreaming to get to? Taking your boys to a vacation? Buying a bigger house and brand new cars? These things won’t make your boys to turn out to be good kids. Your kids primarily need to grow in a healthy home where mom and dad love each other; and their parents are spending valuable times with them. So, focus on your marriage, not on getting more “toys” and making “the American dream” a reality. Yes, leave your husband alone. I mean, other than leaving him alone, what solution is there? Nagging him more will destroy your intimacy with him and eventually destroy your marriage. That means, your kids will be the primary victims of all that.
So, be wise! ///