Advice to a Single Girl

It is wonderful to see couples tying the knot to be one, never to be two.

As a married person and a teacher in the area of sexual purity, I can’t tell you how I rejoice whenever I see a wedding.

Yes, the Bible says that marriage protects us from being soaked in sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 7). What a joy then to see someone escaping such a “ruthless tyrant” as sexual immorality!

On the other hand, there is nothing for me personally as painful as seeing a beautiful girl, being enticed by the idea of getting married, heading into a mess.

Sometimes, I ask myself, “Do I have a responsibility to stand on her way and say – “No, you can’t do this to yourself. Marriage is not a wedding. You are going to be with this person for life. And I don’t think you know this man very well.”

Sure, it is my spiritual responsibility to do that because I’m “a keeper of my sister” but I can’t do that unless she asks me to speak truth into her life. And if she is not willing to listen, there is nothing I can do.

I’m a woman; I know how important it is for a girl to get married. But, more often than not, when a girl gets desperate to get married and finds someone to marry her, she doesn’t want anyone to stand on her way.

“He is my dream man. He loves me in the way I used to dream to be loved by a man. He has some problems which he will soon grow out of it,” once a girl said to me.

I said, “Oh Precious, don’t marry him hoping what he would be tomorrow rather what he is today. And what he is today is not right. The man has to grow mentally and spiritually. He has no self-control.”

Did she hear me? Oh, no, she turned a deaf ear to any advice. She refused to hear anything which would stop her anticipated, long waited wedding; a wedding all her friends were also looking forward to.

I said, “But he is not a matured man. He is into sex and all sorts of things. You can’t purify him by marrying him. He is in sexual immorality and he will continue to be in it for an indefinite time unless there is a change of heart on his part. And you can’t bring that change in him.”

She immediately said, “But he will change. I believe in God. I’m praying for him day and night. God hears our prayers and the Bible says, ask and you shall be given, doesn’t it?”

I opened my mouth to say something but I chose not to knowing that she was nowhere in a position to hear anything I had to say.

Few months into her marriage, she sank into sadness and depression. She came to me and said, “I knew all along what kind of man he was but I ignored all the red flags purposely so that I would be married just like other girls in my church.”

Did I say to her, “I told you so”?

Oh, no, I didn’t and in fact I didn’t have that much to say because the damage has already been done and there was nothing that could be said which could bring any change. And looking forward, with my understanding of the situation, I saw no future for her marriage. I didn’t want to tell her that blatantly because she was already in a lot of pain. And honestly speaking, she knew that fact too.

Another newly married girl said, “I noticed that he was a womanizer after he proposed to me but I thought he would change. I guess he is not and I’m wrong. And I want a divorce.”

Another girl said, “I was scared of getting old and never be able to bear a child. I knew all along that he was not going to be a good husband for me and a father to my kids. And all my nightmares are now being realized one by one. Right now, I want to go out of this marriage before something happens to me or my kids.”

Yet another married girl with a beautiful daughter said,

“Whenever I see my single friends, I feel jealous of them. The funny thing is they are jealous of me. I regret that I decided to get married. I wish I listened to the people who were speaking against my decision. Oh, well, it is too late now.”

Why? Why? Why do many girls go through this kind of path?

I think and believe that one of the reasons for such stories to become this common these days is this: Very few people seek advice to see if their decision to date and/or marry someone is right or wrong.

They just break the news to everyone, to their parents, siblings, friends, families and spiritual mentors like: “He proposed to me and I’m going to get married.”

What do you say to that?


What else?

Most people go to others to talk about their decision to get married, not to ask advice but to find “confirmation and validation” about their decision. If the people they go to don’t validate their decision, they go to the next one.

If the people they go to say something like: “We think you two need to stay as an unmarried couple at least for another six months before you get married,” blinded by emotional love, they change state and get married there. They don’t want to listen.

Why am I writing this? To say this to those who are not married yet:

Listen precious; please surround yourself with people whom you allow to speak the truth into your life. It is good to have friends in your life, but usually friends see things in the same way  you do. That is why you guys are friends. But find people you can go to and ask about your next move in life; whether it be dating or marriage.

Don’t worry if every single person you know is getting married. You may see fifteen people you know getting married this year, with a luxurious and elegant wedding ceremony people talk about for months to come. But know this: You are in a much better place than those twelve out of the fifteen couples you saw getting married this year.

That is what most studies out there are showing. 50% of newly married people will end up in a divorce; and 15 to 20% live in a marriage which is completely dead.

Take your time my dear. Don’t rush into marriage. Marriage is not a wedding but a lifetime commitment which has no exit. Don’t depend on the option of divorce. God hates divorce because it hurts His children. Divorce hurts soul, mind and spirit. The pain of divorce may disappear through time but the scar of divorce stays for a lifetime.

So, you rather be single for life than marrying to curse the rest of your life on earth.

Involve others in your decision-making process of dating and marrying a person. Don’t just date and marry because everybody is expecting you to date and marry; rather marry to bring glory to God in your life.

If God is number one in your life, you will lack nothing good in your life. The Bible says: “The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.” (Psalm 34:10) ///

P. S. A4P celebrates its three-year anniversary on Monday, October 31, 2016; and as part of the celebration, we will re-post some of the earlier posts so that people who joined us recently will get a chance to read them. The above post is from 2014.