“I’m the Victim of Lust”

“I read your article titled, “Lust on a Driver Seat”. Well, I’m a victim of lust.

I contributed to the problem big time. I’m that wife who cries herself to sleep because my husband of three years doesn’t want anything to do with me. We have a one year old son and I live as if I was a single mom. Looking back, I think, I sexually seduced my husband to marry me. Please don’t judge me. I was very scared of getting old. I know my body figure is the one which put me in trouble. I also used to dress up “immodestly”. I did some wrong choices. After dating few men and being sexually promiscuous for some time, yeah, while I was in the church and serving in the church choir, I decided to make one of the guys I dated my husband. And I did every “not good” thing to fulfill my dream. I made it all happen but at the cost of losing it all. As you said in the article, my nightmares began to be realized right after our honeymoon. I got pregnant after three month. My pregnancy was okay but our son has a health problem and I believe that my son is suffering because of the consequence of my sinful lifestyles. I always cry my eyes out when I see my son suffer, going from this clinic to that clinic. Because of what I chose to sow in my life, I’m harvesting pain and hurt in bounty almost in every area of my life. Regardless of what I’m going through, though, I really don’t want to lose my marriage now. I’m willing to do anything. I’m now trying to build a relationship with some devoted Christian women. I know my restoration is on the way but what do I need to do to save my marriage and to bring my husband back to me.”

My heart goes out to you, my dear!

Building meaningful relationship with other women of God is the most important first step and you already took that step. I’m very proud of you! Excellent!

Now move on with your life while you are forgiving yourself of your past mistakes. But please don’t forget your past mistakes because if you do, you sure will repeat them all. Try to learn from them.

Ask yourself why you chose that life? What was the reason for you to want men lust after your body? What was the status of your spiritual life, like your prayer life and the reading and meditating of the Word of God during that time? Who is Christ for you? Were you active in the church or were you just come in for choir practice and stand on the stage to sing and that was it?

Find answers to these questions and the answers may show you the path that may lead you back to the Shepherd of your soul.

Changing the way you do life by aligning your life according to the Word of God most likely guarantees you of God’s blessings to come to your life. You see, expecting a miracle to happen while you keep on doing the same things over and over again is nothing but foolishness.

Let me warn you about one important thing here. Most wives in a similar situation tend to do this mistake to solve their problem: They try to use their beautiful body figure as an instrument to bring their husbands back to them. They try to dress up seductively as they had done it before thinking that their husbands would fall for it.

Beloved, that is just the most “lame” technique ever to use to bring your husband back to you. It may bring your ex-boyfriend back to you but not your husband. Yes, that technique may work for all the premarital sexual consummations to happen but in marriage, it doesn’t work, my dear. So, if you are trying that technique, stop it because it doesn’t work.

It is not you or your body who can return your husband back to you but your God. Did you hear me? You can’t do that. Only God can!

How? By you becoming the woman of God.

What do you wear? What are you listening to? What are you watching? What are you dwelling on the whole day in your mind? What is taking your time for you not to have time with your God?

Answer all these questions and see all the answers through the eyes of the Scripture. And be willing to fast from those filthy things which make you go astray.

Dress up nicely but modestly. Throw away those clothes you know for sure are there in your closet to entice men. Save your body only to your man. Decide never to let other men feast on your body by the way you dress up.

Make time to sit down and meditate the Word of God, especially the ones which talk about the role of a wife. The Word itself gives you the strength to be the kind of wife God wants you to be. You can’t do it by yourself, my dear. You need supernatural power and you can only find that supernatural power through the Word of God; not through rebuking the devil.

And as you stay on prayer and meditation of the Word of God and fellowshiping with other believers, practice respecting your man as a man of his house. Contempt towards your husband is something you need to get rid of from your verbal as well as body language, COMPLETELY!

Don’t raise your voice when you speak to him even when you guys are having conflict. Surprise him by your godly attitude.

Don’t worry. For few days, it may feel like you are faking or trying to be someone else that you are not, or you may feel like you are letting the man walk all over you. That is fine. Remember, you have a goal in mind; a goal which includes God. Just concentrate on training yourself to be godly (1 Timothy 4:7). TRAINING!

Listen to him when he speaks to you. Not just being quite but listen to him intently. Do something you refused to do for the last three years.

Let’s say he asked you multiple times to go with him to his families’ gathering and you refused. Now, ask him if you can go with him.

Believe me in this. God is with you! You can do this. Yes, tell him that you want to go with him.

Get those cute skirts and modest dresses, wear them and look bright and beautiful but not even close to be seductive.

Remember: A woman with God can change not only her man but every man who comes into contact with her!

Pray for your husband every day. Not so that he will love you. Oh, no. Rather pray that God will be with him; so that God will give him a personal encounter with His Spirit. Pray that God will help you submit to your husband, respect and honor him.

When you get a chance to thank, appreciate and admire him, seize the moment. Don’t expect him to bring home a trophy for you to do that. No, not like that. For example, if he takes the trash out, say “Thank you, Honey.”

Get rid of “POUTING” from your life, completely.

If he doesn’t pray and doesn’t want to go to church, just go to church by yourself without making any sarcastic statements or making faces and without holding grudge against him.

Let me tell you something. You can draw your man to God or pull him away from God. Yes, Beloved, God puts that power on your hand and use it wisely (1 Peter 3:1-6).

Of course, embrace his sexual advances as if they were sent to you as gifts directly from God. You can calm the storm very easily just by welcoming his sexual advances.

Don’t gossip about your husband to anyone. If they are the very ones who can help you with your marriage as they give you wise counsel how to be a godly wife, they need to hear it. Otherwise whenever you gossip about your husband with others, know this: you are adding more things to the problem and healing will be a far-fetched reality for your marriage.

Last but not least, serve him to the point of feeling being taken advantage of. You see, the principles of Jesus Christ are always the same in whatever way you look at them. They are: Love your God with all your mind, heart and soul and love your neighbor as yourself.

Who is your neighbor more than your husband whom you see every day while he seeks someone to help him? No one!

Do you know one more critically important principle Jesus has for us? Well, here: “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you” (Matthew 7:12)

Do you want your man to love you, to sexually desire you, to pursue, treasure, cherish and nurture you as his “only ewe lamb” (2 Samuel 12)?

Well, I believe with all my heart that if you follow the above spiritual and biblical principles and instructions, you will first attract the Holy God to your life and marriage. And then UNDOUBTEDLY, you shall attract your man to yourself. He will hopelessly fall in love with you and can’t do anything else except to love, pursue, treasure, cherish, nurture and listen to this: Sexually desire you! Yes, you shall receive what you desire to receive from your husband in double portion.

What else do you desire to have from this life than that?

May the LORD be with you. ///