I had a wonderful time with young adults for the last two Fridays and we finished our program with a Q&A session and I thought it would be nice if I share with you at least five of their questions.
Question 1: – You said “a man should get married in his early 20th” but if he is not finished his school or don’t have enough money to provide to his wife and kids, do you still encourage the guy to get married just to keep him from sexual immorality?
My Answer: – You see, for a Christian, the goal of life is not to get married and lead a nice life. The goal of a born-again Christian life is to live for the glory of God through obeying the word of God.
It is not me by the way who said a young man should get married as long as he gets of age but the word of God.
The word of God says,
“Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 NASB
We have to ask, “How come the word of God didn’t say that the man has to finish school, at least get a degree and make agood money to provide to his wife and children before he gets married?”
Because, I believe, money and education are not priorities. What is the benefit of having degrees, master’s and PhD and a fat saving account while one is swimming in the sea of sexual immorality?
The word of God says,
“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” Matthew 16:26 NASB
That being said though, we have to remember this: The word of God is written for the Body of Christ, the church, not to the world or to people who think they are Christians while their lives testify that they are not. So, a boy in a church is trained in the teaching of the Bible, starting at his early age, he gets groomed to this chapter of life called marriage. That means he grows preparing himself for marriage being responsible and accountable for all his actions.
The word of God does not teach a young man to kill his sexual nature! Never! At the same time, the word of God does not tell a young man to ignore his sexual desires. Rather, the word of God in a way says to a young man: Get married because the spirit of self-control I gave you won’t take you any longer. You need a sexual outlet and that outlet is not porn, is not masturbation, is not flirting with other women and lusting after other women on social media. Your God-given sexual outlet is called marriage, one man and one woman, a one-flesh relationship.
Then everything that comes after marriage whether it be degree, Master’s, PhD or money or all of the above will be counted as blessings to the marriage and the family as a whole.
Question 2: – I am a young minister in my church and there are many occasions where I need to counsel young women. So, how can I protect myself from unwanted sexual temptations?
My Answer: – Good question!
These days, it seems like young men, in the name of “I am a minister of God,” try to counsel girls. They call girls into their small offices so they can “teach them the word of God.”
Knowing the sexual nature of man, it is always good for a man to stay away from mentoring, counseling, and guiding a woman. If it is possible, let the girl be counseled by other women and the men by men. If the men ministers are the only ones with that responsibility, the church should have clear guidelines as to how men interact with women in the ministry, guidelines such as, don’t close your office door when a woman is inside; you can only talk to women when other ministers are in their office and their office doors are open.
In that way, you can stay away from subjecting yourself from sexual temptations and traps you cannot run away from.
Paul writes to the young pastor, Timothy, like this:
“Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.” 1 Timothy 5:1-2 NASB
Did you see it? “the younger women as sisters, in all purity!”
Giving a ride to a woman while you are a man, in the name of “I am a minister of God” is a way to Sheol.
Question 3: – I repeatedly caught myself doing wrong things on social media with women. I sinned against God through social media many times. But I know that social media is important. So, how can I use social media safely?
Answer: – Yes, social media are great platforms for the Gospel. They are also great making our lives easier in many ways. However social media are dangerous places to be especially for Christian men.
Jesus said,
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28 NASB
“looks at a woman with lust” – Isn’t that what almost all social media are encouraging men to do?
Yes!
So, one has to know how to use social media safely. I know Christian men who decided to stay away from social media because they couldn’t resist the temptations. And you have no idea how much I admire them for doing that.
Yes, some people say, it is good to have your presence on social media even for your professional career, but again, if one gains the whole world but loses his soul, what is his profit or benefit?
Well, if you think you have to use social media, use the privacy features of every social media platforms have and protect yourself by limiting, for example, as to who can contact you. And the most effective way to protect yourself as I’ve heard from many people is to have an accountability partner who receives all your browsing history, in that way you can protect yourself from giving in to all temptations.
Question 3: – Do you believe sexual purity is achievable as a miracle from the Holy Spirit? Does sexual immorality be causes by demon possessions?
My Answer: – I don’t believe that the Holy Spirit chooses and bestows on him a special gift or power to lead a sexually pure life and leave the other children of God by themselves. There is no such kind of gift or miracle written in the Bible.
The message of sexual purity is written to the people of God, saved and rescued from sin, the devil and this dark world by the blood of Jesus Christ. This life, sexually pure life, is to be pursued by those who follow Christ. It is a lifetime battle, though, to be sexually pure because all our enemies, sin, the devil, our own flesh and this dark world promote sexual immorality and pursuing sexual purity is a total an uphill battle. When we stumble and fall, we don’t blame the devil for it because the Bible says,
“Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.” James 1:13-15 NASB
Do demons involve in sexual immorality? I believe so! For example, porn industries are closely working with demons, no question about that. However, I don’t believe for a second that a born-again Christian can be possessed by demons to do all sorts of sexual immorality. A born again Christian is a temple of God. Demons cannot enter the temple of God. However demons influence the life of a Christian when the Christian gives them a chance to do so.
But at the end of the day, what we born-again Christian should know is this: There is no “the devil made me do it” kind of joke in Christianity. Whatever we do, we choose to do it and we are responsible for it.
Question 5: – Regarding age difference in marriage, is it okay if my girlfriend is older than me? Is there any Bible reference that forbids a man to marry a woman who is older than him?
You know, in the Bible, we don’t find even one story where the wife is older than the husband. But we find many examples in the Bible where the man is much, much older than his wife, Sarah and Abraham, Boaz and Ruth, David and Abishag the Shunammite.
Some people say, “You see, just like Sarah and Abraham, my wife is 15 years younger than me and we pray that God will make our marriage like Sarah and Abraham.”
Hmm! What a wish! Like Abraham and Sarah! To wait until you turn 100 to get pregnant? And in the process, for you the husband to be “rented” out to another women? What a wish!
Anyways, for you and your spouse be best and close friends, it is very important that you two are to be from the same generation, I will say from three to five years difference, for the husband to be older. If a woman is one or two years older than the man she wants to marry, I don’t think it is a big difference however still it is good to seek marriage where the man is older than the woman. When he is older and matured than his wife, he can lead his home properly. Yes, there are many immature men who destroy the lives of people who are under them, their wives and kids, but generally speaking, it is better for a man to be older than his wife. ///