A4P Guest: My son is 19 years old and he is a second year student in college. Since he joined this college, his behavior has changed. He used to be an A+ student but now I don’t know if he gets even C. My husband and I are worried. I think our son needs help. What do you advise us to do?

A4P: Does he live on campus or with you?

A4P Guest: He lives with us.

A4P: Does your son pay for his school?

A4P Guest: No, we pay for him.

A4P: And how come you are not able to know his grades?

A4P Guest: He doesn’t allow us to view any of his school grades.

A4P: Hmm! Does he work?

A4P Guest: No! He is a full-time student.

A4P: What does he use as a transportation system?

A4P Guest: He commits. He drives.

A4P: He drives your car?

A4P Guest: Missy, I told you! He is a full-time student. He doesn’t work. My husband and I bought him a car when he graduates from high school and he drives his own car.

A4P: Does he pay for gas and car insurance?

A4P Guest: Again, he is a full-time student. We pay for his gas as well as for his car insurance.

A4P: Then it is you and your husband who need help, not your son. Your son does what he wants. No problem with him but you two definitely need help.

A4P Guest: Oh?

A4P: Yes! I mean, you guys live here in the US, right? And you allowed a 19-year old young man to retire on you, his parents. No financial responsibility whatsoever! He owns a car to go wherever he wants. His car insurance is covered by his parents. His parents pay for his gas. He is allowed to live for free in his parents’ house and eat for free. And this young man doesn’t allow his parents to see his school records but his parents pay for his school tuition.

Hello! Is this story here in America or where? You’re an immigrant, just like me, right? And is that how you get to where you are, your parents taking care of all your financial needs and all? Didn’t you go to school and work at the same time to support yourself or have two or three jobs to support yourself and families back home? Now, you have a son and you view your son as what?

If you pay for son’s tuition, you have a right to see his school records. If he says, he wants his freedom, let him pay for his school. You are supporting him financially thinking that he will go to school and be a good citizen tomorrow, not so that he bosses you and your husband around and later to announce that he drops all his courses because he wants to be a music producer.

No problem with his choice to be a music producer as long as he finds a way to support himself.

Pull all your financial support! Then see what he wants to do with his life. If he says, he wants to leave the house, let him leave. If he wants you guys to continue supporting him financially, he has to let you see his school records.

I am sure there are many other critical issues that you didn’t tell me here. I don’t think you come to me only to find a way to see your son’s school records.

A4P Guest: We recently found that he is taking drug too but I wanted to see his school records so I would know if he is actually going to school.

A4P: Wow! So, do I blame this young man or you, his parents? Even if you didn’t mention, I can assume that you also pay for his phone and Wi-Fi services, give him pocket money on the top of all that!

A4P Guest: Yes, we do. My husband is against it but I fear that my son would be upset with us and hurt himself if we stop all that.

A4P: But he is hurting himself already, do you see that?

My friend: Please seek marriage counseling as to how to deal with your teen son as a couple. Then, follow the advice you get even if you don’t feel like doing it.

If he is deep into drug, seek help for him. Don’t make it an option for him to seek help. If he wants your financial support, make this a number one thing you require from him.

Please hear me here: Putting your son’s own bad choices on a side, you may be your son’s number one enemy if you don’t do something about this now, before it is too late. ///