Whenever this question comes up, everybody giggles, smiles and says, “The usual!”

But the thing is, we always need to remember that there is a big difference between a boyfriend and a husband.

If the above question was “What does my boyfriend want from me”, giggles and smiles would have made a lot of sense but the question says, “What does my husband want from me?”

And only the word of God has the right answer since it is God who created us all. So, the Bible says,

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” 1 Peter 3:1-4 NASB

This passage and other similar passages cannot be politically correct because the word of God is not written to this dying and perishing world but it is written for people who are filled in the Holy Spirit, for people who yearn to live according to the word and will of God, knowing that God’s way is the only best way there is in this life.

A wife who is filled in the Holy Spirit is called to submit to her own husband so that her husband leads the whole household in God’s way.

However, a wife has to have respect for her husband before she tries to submit to him. Otherwise submission will always feel like climbing on Mount Everest.

So, I think, it is pointless to talk about submission before we address respect because no one can submit to the person they have absolutely no respect for.

The Bible says,

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 NIV

We can only submit to one another when we have respect for God. Out of reverence and honor to God, we learn how to respect and submit to one another.

I love verse 21 because before it starts commanding husbands and wives, the word of God lays out the basic and the source of all honor and respect, which is: “reverence for Christ.”

And it continues saying,

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22 NIV

The operating phrase is “as you do to the Lord.”

A wife can only respect her husband and submit herself to his leadership if she first submits to Jesus Christ. When she gives herself to the word of God and prayer, the Holy Spirit Himself leads and teaches her how to respect her husband and submit to his leadership. That means, her attitude towards her husband is a direct reflection of her attitude towards God and His word.

With the same level and intensity of respect and honor she shows to the Lord Jesus Christ, she shows to her husband.

Notice what the word says,

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”

“As you do to the Lord”

Do you see that?

As she strives to submit to the Lord Jesus Christ, her “hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God” will become evident before her husband.

This hidden person doesn’t believe in arguing and nagging, rather in living out the word of God. And a woman who is living out her godly-call attracts her husband as well as God by her “chaste and respectful behavior.”

Don’t you love that?

When a wife submits herself first to God, she finds it very easy to see her husband as God sees him and submits to his leadership. A wife who doesn’t seek God and His ways always struggles to respect her husband and submit herself to his leadership.

That is why the Bible says,

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10 NIV

How true that is!

Therefore a woman who is full of wisdom is “her husband’s crown,” as the Bible says,

“A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown,
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4 NIV

May God help us all, wives, to be crowns to our own husbands. ///