“An enabler is a person who deals with the negative effects of an addict’s behavior by shielding them from the consequences of their behavior. Not dealing with or learning from the negative behaviors can cause addicts to continue their behavior unchecked and possibly worsen their conditions over time.” from Psychology Glossary
Most of the time, wives are guilty of being enablers. When, for example, a wife finds her husband viewing porn and confronts him, he cries and asks her to forgive her. If she says, “Okay, I forgive you. Let’s move on with our lives,” she is definitely enabling her husband to just continue to be a porn addicted.
Instead, she has to demand that he seeks help and counseling and she has to demand change of behavior from him.
It is the same thing with adultery acts. When she finds her husband chatting with girls on social media and confronts him, he lies to her. Knowing that he lies to her, she moves on as if the problem was solved.
What is she doing here? She is actually enabling her husband to continue doing what he always does.
When men become physical (abusing their wives and children physically), their action has to be reported to the authorities. There is no, “If I report on him, he will lose his job,” kind of thing. He might need to lose his job for him to stop physically abusing you and your children.
The same thing with gambling, alcohol and stealing!
So, do not be an enabler of the very thing that has a potential to destroy your marriage and family, even your life.
Instead, be a helper to your husband, a “suitable helper,” helping him the person that God created him to be. Whatever he strives to do, be his cheer-leader. When he gets discouraged and depressed, be there for him to lift him up, reminding him the many good things he did and what he so far has accomplished.
But never, ever be your husband’s bad, sinful and destructive tendencies and characters enabler because God didn’t create you to be an enabler but “a suitable helper”:
“The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make A HELPER suitable for him.”” (Genesis 2:18, CAPITALIZATION IS MINE) ///