As a mother of three grown children, I frequently get asked many questions about parenting. Not that I did a perfect job in that department. Not even close! But you know, after you pass through one chapter of life, people, who are going to start to travel on that same chapter of life, tend to assume that since you’ve already gone through it, you are at least able to give them some important tips about that chapter of life. And to tell you the truth, my! I really love to give my two cents of advice to anyone who asks me about parenting if in case my advice makes their parenting job any easier.
From all the questions I receive, there are two main common questions I frequently hear from young parents. Those questions are:
- Is there any one thing that you would do differently if you would be given another chance to raise your children?
- What do you say is the one most important thing parents need to teach their children?
Let me address those two questions here if there is any young parent out there who may benefit from my response.
As I told you on multiple occasions, I am an Ethiopian, born and raised in Ethiopia. I am now an immigrant here in the US.
If God, for whatever reason, decides to give me another chance to raise my beautiful children all over again, I would only speak to all of my children in my own mother tongue, Amharic (the language I’ve grown up speaking from early childhood.)
My husband and I started out strong. Oh, my! My husband, after he comes from work, makes teaching our children how to read and write Amharic his second job. So, both of our first two kids began speaking in Amharic language. Then by the time our third son came along, his older siblings started school and they came home with the English language. And I too went to school and I don’t even remember when or how, but English became the language in our home.
Ugh! I wish I could rewind life and change that piece of story! But too bad I can’t!
So, my advice to young immigrant parents is this: Please speak to your children in your own mother tongue! Don’t worry about their English language skill. They live here in America, aren’t they? So, they will get to learn in English the day they start going to school but your own mother tongue, you are the only one who can teach them. If you don’t, nobody will! And encouraging your children to speak multiple languages is actually an excellent skill to give to your children. Scientists now tell us that children before they turn 6 years old are capable of learning at least six different languages. I mean, I personally would have been okay if my children could have spoken only two languages, Amharic and English. Well, too bad!
If you are an immigrant residing here in the US, believe me in this: You get older; it makes a big difference speaking with your children in your own mother tongue. Language is not only all about your ability to speak the language to communicate with others. Language is all about your culture and identity. It contains in it your unique tradition and culture that you cannot share with anyone except the person who can speak your language. Okay, let me be at least thankful that our children can understand Amharic and speak a little bit, especially our older son and daughter. So, I am very thankful for that. But whenever I see other Ethiopian immigrant parents speaking with their children in fluent Amharic, ugh! I have no words to express what I feel inside!
So, my advice to young Ethiopian immigrant parents (or any immigrants from any country) who reside here in the US, please speak to your children with your own mother tongue. Some people recommend one parent to speak to the children in English while the other parent speaks to them in the parents’ mother tongue. I think that is good!
The second question I frequently get asked by young parents is what is the one most important thing to teach to children?
This is a very easy question, is it not?
The first thing parents need to ask themselves is this: What is important for us in this life?
Well that question by itself gave away my answer, right!
For me personally, there is nothing more important in this life than knowing, loving and fearing God.
The word of God says,
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverb 9:10 NASB
I mean, did you read that?
Yes, I don’t desire to teach my beautiful children anything better than how to know, love and fear God! Fearing God is the source of wisdom and knowing God, meaning, knowing God according to His word, as you know Him you sure will love Him, is the source of understanding.
Think about it! If your children have a mind that works and is filled with wisdom, isn’t that the easy and short way of teaching your children how to have a fulfilled and fun life in this broken world? I think it is!
The problem is parents who don’t know and fear God cannot teach their children that. This is a straightforward truth, right.
So, the first job of parents is to know their Creator. When they know their Creator according to His word (reading and studying His word – the Bible), they by default learn to love and fear God. And parents who know and fear God won’t desire for their children more than helping their children to know and fear God.
One more thing though. The other side of the fear of God is called respecting and honoring parents. These two, the fear of God and honoring parents, in my opinion, are two faces of a coin.
The first four commandments from the Ten Commandments of God, the word of God says are (Exodus 20 & Deuteronomy 5):
“You shall have no other gods before Me.”
“You shall not make for yourself an idol.”
“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.”
“Keep the Sabbath day holy.”
And guess what the fifth one says?
It says, “Honor your father and your mother, – – – that your days may be prolonged and that it may go well with you on the land which the Lord your God gives you.”
In the Hebrew version it says, it may be “shalom” with you – shalom means “an inward sense of completeness and wholeness” – peace with every area of your life, peace with your vertical and horizontal relationships (God’s ward and man’s ward), peace even with every living thing.
I don’t know about you but for me personally, this is the kind of shalom I desire for my children to have.
If parents teach their kids how to honor and respect them, the outcome will be that their children will live in “shalom” all the days of their lives and their “shalom” days will be long! You cannot beat that, can you!
How do parents teach their children how to respect and honor them?
Mainly by parents modeling what respect is before their children!
When children grow up in the home where their mother and father are respecting and honoring each other (in words and deeds), chances are they find it hard not to respect their parents.
Do you see it?
I love the word of God eko! Very much so! The most important things we need to know about God are written in the Bible in a clear and straightforward way so that we don’t miss any one of them! May the name of God be praised forever! ///