A4P Guest: I am not really sure what I need to do to keep my marriage together. I thought I was the best husband but every time my wife and I have an argument, my wife leaves the house and goes to her friend’s house or something.

A4P: Wow! That is not good! How long you guys have been married?

A4P Guest: A little over one year.

A4P: Hmm! So tell me what you do to your wife for her to do such a thing.

A4P Guest: Nothing to hurt her! I do everything in the house so she comes from work and relax. I made her coffee in the morning before she leaves for work. And I cook our lunch and dinner and leave for work. I vacuum clean the house and do laundry every weekend. I wash her car and change her car oil and everything so she won’t have any problem with her car.

A4P: Interesting! So tell me about your latest argument. What was it all about?

A4P Guest: Our arguments are always on the same issue. She picks on me saying, “I wish you were somebody else.” It is not like she says like that but she mentions names, like her ex-boyfriend’s name. And the annoying part for me is this: her ex-boyfriend was not a good person. He abused her physically. And she broke up with him and a common friend of ours introduced me to her and we started dating. She told me all about it and I did everything I could to help her forget her past. Our dating period was very short and she insisted that we get married right away and we got married.

A4P: Were you dating a girl before her?

A4P Guest: Yes.

A4P: Why did you break up with her?

A4P Guest: She walked away on me saying, “You remind me of my mom. I wish you reminded me of my dad.”

A4P: Very interesting! So, from these two girls, your last girl friend and your wife, what did you learn about yourself?

A4P Guest: I am too kind to girls. Even my guy friends told, “Girls love rough and mean men.” And I think I need to be like that.

A4P: I don’t know where your guy friends got that but as a woman, I don’t like mean and rough guys and I am not married to one of them, thank God! But this is what I think you need to look into: If I am not mistaken you grew up with your mom hearing how your dad made her suffer as she cooks and cleans for him 24/7. Am I right in my assumptions?

A4P Guest: Absolutely true!

A4P: So as far as your concerned, a good husband should act like a maid. You see, in the process of living with your mom, having no right and godly father figure, you made your impression of what a man should be and a kind of man a woman loves to have.

You see, a woman always looks for a man, not for a maid. A man means the one who challenges and encourages her to be a woman who knows and fears her God. A woman is naturally created to nurture and care. Getting pregnant and giving birth to a child is given only to a woman, not to a man. When a woman breastfeeds her child and cares for her little one, she finds meaning and purpose of her life and in the process, she gets joy and fulfillment in what she does. Does she need her husband’s help? Absolutely! She wants her husband to appreciate her role of mothering and help her in wherever she needs help. But telling a woman to sit and watch TV or be on social media until you cook and make the dinner ready robs your masculinity from you and your woman loses all her attraction to you. She actually starts loathing the idea of sleeping and being intimate with you.

So my advise is find guys who are godly husbands to their wives. First just watch them how they respectfully relate with their wives. Then ask them questions as to why they do what they do so you will have biblical understanding.

And since your marriage is too young, I also encourage you and your wife to seek marriage counseling, not like a one- or two-hour long counseling session but multiple sessions which focus on your present problems.

In the meantime, always remember, when a woman wants to get married, she wants to marry a man, not a maid. And a woman does not want a mean spirited and rough man but a loving and caring man who cherishes and respects her as a woman.

Hope this helps! ///