It is pointless for a husband to go in bed at night and try to be romantic towards his wife saying, “I love you,” without fulfilling her needs outside the bedroom.
What are a wife’s needs outside the bedroom?
Here are some of the wife’s needs that she is looking to receive from her husband outside the bedroom before she believes that her husband indeed loves her and cares for her:
- She wants him to be spiritual
Yeap! When a husband tends to seek God, his wife feels safe. When a wife feels safe, nothing to fear, she believes all her husband’s “I love you”s, whether inside or outside the bedroom. Otherwise she feels like he treats her like a sex object. By the ways, she doesn’t expect much of spirituality from him but at least she wants to see him showing interest to go to church with her and her kids and to give thanks to God at the dinner table.
- She wants him to be truthful
A husband who tends to lie won’t receive any respect from his wife because she doesn’t trust him nor his love. All his “I love you”s fly over her head. But when he is a man of his word, she respects him and trusts his love. A liar won’t get any respect from his wife nor anybody else.
- She wants him to listen to her
It is very easy for a husband to know about his wife. All he has to do is to give her his pair of ears when his wife speaks. And a loving husband doesn’t only listen to her words but her heart. As you know, wives speak in codes. So, he has to listen to her careful so he will be able to decode what she is saying. For example, when she says, with a big sigh, “Uff! You have no idea how tired I am today. I was cooking and cleaning the whole day,” she is actually asking him, “Am I a good wife?” If she has kids, “Am I a good mother who takes a good care of her kids?”
A selfish man who always thinks about himself thinks, “Ah! Now she is going to say, “I am tired” for sex.”
- She wants him to hide nothing from her
You see, when a husband hides something from his wife, it is a matter of time before his wife finds all about it. And once a wife finds out that her husband is hiding something from her, she struggles to trust him. That means, she throws all his I love you’s out of the window. And if she doesn’t trust him, she doesn’t respect him. If she doesn’t respect him, his children cannot respect him.
I mean, can you just imagine what kind of family/marriage this’s going to be!
Having a hidden Facebook account or a password is an easy way to destroy love and respect from a marriage. Rather, when a husband lays all open before his wife, his wife believes that her husband loves her and she wants to respect him in every way.
- She wants him to notice her
Most of the time a wife gets busy cleaning and cooking in the house especially when she works outside the house. When this happens, she appreciates her husband paying attention to her and what she is up to, checking on her instead of ignoring her the whole day and remembering her for the evening.
- She loves seeing him helping her in the house
A husband who helps his wife in the house usually receives the kind of respect he craves to receive from his wife. Some husbands help out in the house/kitchen but usually they complain doing that and resent their wives. When that happens frequently, their wives try to do everything to avoid their help just so they don’t hear them complaining.
- She wants to see him caring for his kids
But this doesn’t mean that she wants him to make his kids his number one priority. No! A loving husband always makes his wife his number one priority.
But when a wife sees her husband cares for her kids (it doesn’t matter whether the kids are his or not), she believes that her husband truly loves her. And the wife who is loved automatically respects her husband and she submits to his leadership.
- She wants him to make her feel financially secured
When she sees her husband working hard to provide to her and children, she respects him and she believes all his “I love you”s.
Here is a side note to wives: Please, don’t stress your husband to work more than he can. Don’t pressure him to buy a house that you cannot afford with the money he makes. Instead, strive to live within or a little bit lower than your means. In that way, you take away stresses off of his shoulders so he can find energy and time to be home with you and your kids.
- She wants him to speak her love language
Everybody has their own love language (“The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman) and your wife is no exception. Just study her and learn her love language and speak it. If she appreciates to receive gifts, for example, try your best not to forget her birthday, Valentine’s Day, your anniversaries and most holidays. When you speak her language, she thinks and believes without any doubt that you love her and you care for her.
- She wants him to take care of her car
If your wife has a car, take care of her car as if it was yours. Change her car oil on time or take it to the nearby “Jiffy Lube.” When you do that, she believes that you love her and she finds it very easy to respect you and to submit to your leadership.
- She wants him to know and understand her unique sexual nature
God has some sense of humor. He made a man’s sexual nature to be simple and straightforward but not a woman’s sexual nature. And here is the humor: Woman’s sexual nature is so complicated that she, the woman herself, cannot know or understand it. So, it is the husband’s sole responsibility to study and understand his wife’s sexual nature without judging her and comparing her nature with his past sinful sexual partners. When he does that, his wife thinks that he is the most amazing man who ever lived on this planet earth and she respects and submits to him.
Some selfish husbands tend to say this to their wives, “I am the man! I need sex! You need to understand that!” Oops! Lack of knowledge in a full view! There is nothing complicated about his sexual nature. A wife doesn’t need a degree to know what she needs to know about his sexual nature. However he needs a lifetime focus and study so he knows his wife’s sexual nature so that he tries to work around her unique nature. This, by the way, is one of the biblical principles you find in the Bible.
- She wants him to spend time with her
Some genuine husbands think that their wives, all they need from them is to bring money. Well, this might be true to few women but the majority of wives want their husbands to spend time with them and with their kids. When a husband tries to make this happen, the wife believes that her husband loves her.
- She wants him to never leave her alone
Yes, wives need their alone time too but when husbands just leave their wives and hang out with their friends and families for indefinite time, their wives feel neglected and unloved. But when a husband is sensitive enough to never leave his wife alone for a long time, his wife believes that he loves her. And a wife who feels loved is like a precious gift to the husband.
- She wants him to protect her
A wife wants to be protected by her husband from his families, her families, neighbors, kids, and everybody else. If there is something he wants his wife to correct, he talks to her privately. He never exposes his wife before anyone including her kids.
- She wants him to respect her
Some husbands think that the Bible never says to husbands, “Respect your wives.” But the Bible does!
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” 1 Peter 3:7 NIV
To put it practically, a husband respects his wife by respecting her opinion, choice, and way of viewing politics or life in general. He won’t say to his wife, “But my brother’s wife goes to school and she got her doctorate degree.” Appreciating and admiring another woman in front of his wife is like throwing a bombshell on his own home/marriage. So, it is best for a husband never to compare his wife with any woman, even with his mother (this also is true for wives).
The Bile says,
“her husband – – – praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”” Proverbs 31:28-29 ESV
And it says,
“4 You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love,
lovely as Jerusalem,
awesome as an army with banners.
5 Turn away your eyes from me,
for they overwhelm me—
Your hair is like a flock of goats
leaping down the slopes of Gilead.
6 Your teeth are like a flock of ewes
that have come up from the washing;
all of them bear twins;
not one among them has lost its young.
7 Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
behind your veil.
8 There are sixty queens and eighty concubines,
and virgins without number.
9 My dove, my perfect one, is the only one,
the only one of her mother,
pure to her who bore her.
The young women saw her and called her blessed;
the queens and concubines also, and they praised her.” Song of Solomon 6:4-9 ESV
Notice verse 9: It says, “My dove, my perfect one, is the only one,” – Wow! She is the only one! No one to compare her with! She has no kind! She is in a class by herself! Beautiful!
Hey, early Happy Valentine’s Day to you! But if you don’t like Valentine’s Day, happy day to you! ///