The Bible says,

“Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he grows older he will not abandon it.” Proverbs 22:6 NASB

Whenever I read this verse, I always see in my imagination a little boy or a toddler who just started standing up on his own and little by little trying to walk by himself. A child never asks his parents, “Which way can I take?”

You may probably say, “Well, the child cannot speak and doesn’t even know what he wants. That is why he is not asking his parents.”

Yes, that is true! But the main reason is that standing up and trying to walk is a natural instinct. The desire is naturally ingrained in a child’s DNA. His Creator already put in a child a desire to stand and walk by himself without anybody’s help. The child naturally and instinctively wants to stand and walk by himself independently. He never asks permission or he never asks anyone to show him “the way.”

Yes, we all learned to stand and walk by ourselves like that. What was our parents’ role in our lives? To see our growth and be grateful for that and to keep us safe as we find our way. The same is true for our children.

Once a child reaches that terrible two, parents need to totally remodel their home to make sure that the child can crawl, stand and walk safely.

I remember that season of life when my Berhan and I raised our three beautiful children. I designed the living room in the way I liked it. Then our son came along and our living room turned into a soccer-field. I still remember enjoying seeing my son taking one little step and looking up to see if I admire that step. Oh, how time flies!

Anyways, we parents train our children how to stay away from danger and walk in “their way.” But when they grow up little and start declaring their independent way, we are not willing to let them follow their way. The thing is, sometimes, we don’t even realize that we are actually blocking “their way” by our ideas, opinions and unending suggestions, which we usually call those suggestions “danger-free” or “risk-free” or “the only way to be successful in this life.”

As a parent, I too struggled early on before I came to know this truth about the creation of God. Some people say, “Children are white papers and we can write on that paper whatever we want to!” What? What does that even mean? What are we talking about? Our children are not given to us as “raw materials” for us parents to build in whatever way, shape and form we want to.

Children come to this world, like all of us, with “their way.” They have their own bents, talents, gifts, hobbies, likes and dislikes, mentioning a few. Yes, some of these traits can also be found through nurture but not all of them. God, the Creator of all of us, didn’t just create us by a machine just to populate this earth. NO! He did not! Do you want evidence for this?

Look at your fingerprints? Do you find an exact copy of your fingerprints in somebody else’s finger? What about your eye-iris? Look at yours and find if anybody has the exact iris you have?

NONE!

You are the only one who has those unique and different fingerprints and eye-iris. God is God! He is not a man!  When He makes one human being, He doesn’t need to see what He so far made in case He gets some creative ideas. Yes, this is beyond us. We cannot fathom His greatness eko, can we! We cannot search out all His ways!

“Oh, the depth of the riches, both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became His counselor? Or who has first given to Him, that it would be paid back to him? For from Him, and through Him, and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever. Amen.” Romans 11:33-36 NASB

This sovereign LORD created each one of us “fearfully and wonderfully” (Psalm 139:13-14). And guess what? God, the Creator of us, has specific and unique plans and purpose in creating each one of us.

What is the role of parents in their children’s lives then (children who are still under their parents’ care)?

To mainly love them, protect them and help them to know their Creator. By the way, we don’t put in our children a desire to look for their Creator. NO! It is there in them, printed on their DNA!

“The God who made the world and everything that is in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made by hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation, that they would seek God, if perhaps they might feel around for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist,” Acts 17:24-28a NASB

Did you see that? “if perhaps they might feel around for Him and find Him,” – find who? Their Creator!

So, our role as parents is to first know our Creator and know His word so we know how to “train up” our children in the way they should go. This training is not only theoretical, giving them lectures after lectures. Rather, it is more practical!

How can we “train-up” our children how to be truthful and stay away from anything that doesn’t belong to them if we ourselves are liars and thieves? Simply put, we can’t!

Sometimes we want to say to our children, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Just try to think that in a child’s mind? They cannot process that information. Rightly so! Do as I say? Don’t copy me???

“Train-up a child in a way he should go!” – We role model truthfulness for them so they can see it in a practical way.

Moreover, in the process of us, parents, training our children, we sometimes, knowingly or unknowingly, take “God’s place” and want to define our children’s way for our children. This is totally ridiculous eko, to say the least.

While we see, for example, our daughter focusing on art and music, we lecture her to follow the science path. But all her cells, nerves and neurons are designed by God to excel in art.

Do you know how dangerous that can be? Do you know how discouraged our children get by us and lose hope in this life? We can actually break our children while our intention is not to break them but build them. What if someone says to us, “By the way, your son is designed by God to be a medical doctor and says, “So, your role as a parent is to help him grow in a good and healthy home so his brain works to its potential. Provide to your son what you can provide so what God put in him will come out and be realized in his life”?

I mean, do you see my point?

Let us not try to make “the way” to our children. Let us not force our children to fit in the mold we shaped for them. They are given to us by God with “their already made and designed “way” by God. Let us help them to be what God designed them to be. Let us love them through this process of finding “their way” and excelling in it. ///