Phew! Is today December 24th? My! My! Time flies!
Anyways, Merry Christmas to all of you who are celebrating Christmas on December 25th!
I am an Ethiopia immigrant living here in the US and according to Ethiopian calendar, Christmas is on January 7. That means I get to celebrate two Christmas Holidays every year, isn’t that exciting? I think it is.
I actually encourage my soul to celebrate Christmas every day! Yes, it’s a day God has given to us a precious Gift! His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.
“For a child will be born to us, a son will be given to us;
And the government will rest on His shoulders;
And His name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6NASB
I don’t think we can ever fully comprehend the magnitude, meaning and value of this precious Gift of God! So, enjoy your Christmas with your loved ones reminding yourself and others the true meaning of the season.
In this video, I am addressing one question coming from a young married woman regarding the common sexual intimacy challenges she and her friend are facing in their own marriage, a challenge I hear about most frequently: “My husband doesn’t want sex and he sleeps in a different bedroom.”
I wish there was one simple answer to address this question that fits every marriage that faces the same problem but there is none because every marriage is unique and every marriage faces a unique problem and the solution can only be unique to that specific marriage.
But in general, yes, this is a different era. What used to be a norm 20 or 30 years ago is not a norm today anymore. Now young couple gets married and the young husband has very low or no sexual desire. And these young wives have heard a lot from older people that men, all they want is to be intimate with their wives all day long. And when the opposite of that story happens in their marriages, they get scared and terrified.
But nothing could be further from the truth. Everybody has a smartphone now and everything is at everybody’s fingertips. This means it is becoming a very challenging thing for a young man to keep his sexual sanity. His sexuality gets assaulted every time he decides to view anything on his phone. Fighting against this “Goliath” gets tiring and at some point he gives in. In the process, he loses his sexual sanity and valor and starts dealing with erectile dysfunction (ED) in his late twenties and early thirties.
His clueless wife silently blames herself and doesn’t know how to share this problem with anyone. So she quietly keeps it to herself, praying and waiting hoping that something will change anytime soon. When nothing seems to change, she starts trying to talk to her husband. Their communication always ends with nasty conflicts and arguments. Then silent treatment sets in and from the get go they start growing apart.
Well, most cases are not as simple as this. Sometimes some untreated or not well-controlled disease states are involved, diseases such as high blood sugar, high blood pressure which can make the problem even worse.
The one problem I commonly see with this problem is husbands who blame their wives for losing interest in sex just as Adam blamed God and Eve for his own sin. Listen:
“They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” He said, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid myself.” And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.”” Genesis 3:8-12NASB
Did you see that? Adam, instead of taking responsibility for his actions and saying to God, as David said:
“Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.” Psalm 51:1-4NASB
Adam blamed his wife and the God who blessed his life with a wife.
Guess what? Most men faithfully follow the fallen Adam. They absolutely take no responsibility whatsoever. Instead they blame their wives.
So, wives have to guard their hearts from these unnecessary blames coming from their husbands. However they too have to look into their role as wives asking themselves hard questions such as, “Am I a good wife to my husband? Do I respect my husband as the word of God calls me? Do I talk to my husband respectfully?” These questions help her to take responsibility for her wrong actions.
But even then the problem may persist. When this happens, I encourage couples to seek counseling so their unique marital problems will find unique solutions. ///