The word “love” is something we all struggle to define. Sometimes we feel like we know how to define it especially when we feel loved or we passionately love someone.

Throughout history many have tried to define love and many are still trying. This dark world has its own definition too for love especially love between opposite genders and it teaches especially the new generation what love is. The Titanic Movie took the lion’s share when it comes to teaching the new generation what love is all about in all the wrong ways.

And have you noticed how attraction, lust and love are used almost synonymously in this world? By the way, you don’t have to watch a movie to see that. Just look around!

When we talk about love, it doesn’t only refer to love between opposite genders. There are different love types, love between opposite genders (Eros), love between friends (philia), love between a parent and a child (familial) and the unconditional love that Christians are called into, usually called as Agape Love, the love of God.

Today, I specifically want to talk about love between a parent and a child. This kind of love is a bit different from all other types of love. A love between a parent and a child by the way is also called “Storage” – pronounced as “store-jay.”

Just like the other kinds of love, such as Eros and philia, this kind of love is also marred by sin, by the fall of Adam.

Sometimes some parents describe their love to their children this way:

“I don’t like spanking my daughter. Children only need love and care from their parents, not spanking.”

Makes you wonder, doesn’t it!

One father said to me regarding his 14 year old daughter:

“I love my daughter very much! She is the only child I actually have. The one thing I can’t say to my daughter is “No.” I do anything and everything to get what she wants.”

My jaw literally dropped when he said that to me. I was working with his daughter at the time so she could understand what sexuality was all about and how abortion pills (Morning After Pill) was not really a birth control pill but an abortion medicine that has serious side effects including bleeding to death and barrenness. I mean, what is the point of me spending hours and hours with his daughter while her father, the one who spends many hours with her day in and day out, has a warped and distorted notion of what a fatherly love looks like.

There was one wonderful book that came out few years ago. The title of the book is “Love Must Be Tough” with the subtitle, “New hope for marriages in crisis” – by Dr. James Dobson. I really encourage you to get this book and read it (look for it on amazon).

Well, even if this particular book is focusing on marriages which go through crisis, it gives you great understanding as to how familial love can play a role in a child’s life if and when it applies biblically.

Just look at some of the words of God:

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” Proverbs 13:24 BSB

“Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be party to his death.” Proverbs 19:18 BSB

“Do not hold back discipline from the child,
Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die.
You shall strike him with the rod
And rescue his soul from Sheol.” Proverbs 23:13-14 NASB

“The rod and reproof give wisdom,
but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” Proverbs 29:15 ESB

How can we apply these passages/verses to a son or a daughter who is older than 18?

Let me give you one practical example, actually let me share with you a real life story that I heard few years ago from the parents:

So, their son got in trouble with authorities because he got caught possessing illegal drugs and he was sent into jail. This young man had many discussions with his parents before but he didn’t seem to listen to them.

Now he is in prison. He called his parents from jail because he was told that he could be released from prison if he could find someone to bail him out.

Did his parents pay the money to bail him out of jail?

Nope!

Did they come to jail to see their son out of panic?

Nope!

They let him stay in jail for few days. Then the father came to visit him. Without using too many words, the father simply asked his son: “So, what is your plan?”

The son said, “If you and mom bail me out, I will go back to school and start to work at a descent place. I promise!”

The father calmly said, “Well, we don’t have money to just give away but we can lend you and you will pay us back. Whether you go back to school and work is up to you, not up to me now.”

The son immediately agreed to that but the father, taking a piece of paper out of his pocket, said, “If you sign this paper, we can lend you. This is a contract. It is a legal paper. If you don’t pay us back, you will be brought back here. And we want you to pay us in a couple years. By the way, if you pay in full within two years, we do not charge you any interest.”

The young man, staring at the paper, took a few seconds and said, “I will sign” and he signed the contract and he came out of jail.

Do you think that young man has ever been in trouble again with authorities?

Yeah! This is called tough love!

You may probably think that that couple, the father and mother of that young man, is a mean spirited people who don’t love their son, right?

Wrong!

They love their son to death! And the word that correctly describes them is not “mean-spirited” but
“holy-spirit filled” parents because they both controlled their paternal emotions and followed the path that could lead their son to life, to “rescue his soul from Sheol.”

Yes, young adult kids, older than 18, need us, parents, to have a spine! In the name of “love” we shouldn’t destroy their lives. Whether it is a parent and child love or love between opposite genders, love must always be tough, or else, it is not love or it is not a kind of love that glorifies God and seeks the best of the object of love, a human being.

So, what am I saying?

Our love to our children must be tough so we protect their future, not our images or names. ///