A4P Guest: “I’m a 24-year-old Christian man. I know that sex before marriage is a sin and I don’t want to sin against God but because of my unique sexual nature, I’m sinning against God almost every day with porn and everything. My sexual desire is getting stronger and stronger every day. What should I do to decrease it? It is driving me nuts!”
A4P: First, congratulations for having sexual desires, one of the signs of good physical health.
Second, as far as I know, there is no “my sexual desire is getting stronger and stronger every day” kind of thing unless you have a serious health problem, for example, high testosterone level in your bloodstream.
Having abnormally high testosterone level is a serious health problem and its signs and symptoms are not only limited to heightened sexual desires but they also include things such as being involved in high risk-taking behaviors; such as deciding to be a sex object (working as a male-prostitute or a porn actor), and being involved in the most serious criminal activities since the high level of testosterone gives them abnormally high strength, stamina with little or no fear of death and more. Most of these men, if they don’t get medical help may end up in prison or die at an early age. (Note: the common problem today is not too high testosterone but too low)
Again, don’t forget, heightened sexual desire IS NOT the only sign of high testosterone level.
From your Facebook profile, I don’t think you are one of those men who are struggling with high testosterone level. If I am not mistaken, you are a normal and healthy young man who wants to live for Christ (which is the case with most young Christian men). So, assuming that you are a healthy young man, let me say few things:
There is one beautiful old Chinese saying that goes like this: “There is a good dog and a bad dog fighting within each of us. The one that is going to win is the one we feed the most.”
The Word of God puts the above idea this way: “. . . walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other . . .” (Galatians 5:16-17)
So, are you feeding your flesh or your spirit? You may ask: “How does feeding my spirit look like?”
1. Reading, studying and meditating on the Word of God daily as you eat food daily. As you can’t live physically unless you eat and drink, you can’t live a healthy spiritual life unless you eat and drink “Christ” who is the Word of God (Revelation 19:13, Matthew 4:4).
“And I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse, and He who sat on it is called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and wages war. His eyes are a flame of fire, and on His head are many diadems; and He has a name written on Him which no one knows except Himself. He is clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God.” Revelation 19:11-13 NASB
“It is written, ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.’” Matthew 4:4 NASB
2. Praying and fellowshipping with other believers.
Are you a man who seeks God with others or are you a lonely young man who comes to church and disappears in thin air? If the latter is true, you can’t keep yourself from sinning against God because YOU SIMPLY CAN’T! Your carnal nature takes over at the absence of your spiritual life.
“How can a young man keep his way pure?
By keeping it according to Your word.
With all my heart I have sought You;
Do not let me wander from Your commandments.
Your word I have treasured in my heart,
That I may not sin against You.” Psalm 119:9-11 NASB
Remember, the life that is in Christ can only be lived IN CHRIST.
My brother, you are not the Body of Christ but a part of the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12). Your safety and health is found only in the Body. You need to be plugged into one of the Bible believing churches in your area and seek growth in the Body.
And as you abide in Him and His Word, and seek/worship Christ with others (2 Timothy 2:22), you find out that your sexual desires are not abnormal but in fact NORMAL. You will also come to a realization that your sexual desires are actually there to push you closer to God and other believers; to strengthen your trust and faith in God as you struggle with all sorts of temptations (as Jesus struggled in the wilderness).
I mean, you don’t need to see anything for you to get tempted. As a young man, your own sexual nature creates its own dream and fantasies in your brain. If you decide to let your eyes wonder around, you should be willing to be driven nuts by your own lusts.
So, see to it if you are living as you are called, as a child of God. For example, see to it if you are spending most of your time in front of screen (or, your phone), watching all-those half or fully naked women’s pictures which seared your mind and soul with sexual fantasies. If you are, you can’t live for Christ but for your flesh and this world; and sin takes over your life and it gets stronger and stronger as it leads you to death.
“But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.” James 1:14-15 NASB
My short advice is then this: As a child of God, strive to feed your spirit daily so that your spirit will get stronger and stronger as it leads you to life!
“It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing; the words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life.” John 6:63 NASB ///