A4P Guest: I am married and my marriage is in trouble.
A4P: Uh-oh! What’s going on?
A4P Guest: Hmm! Where would I start? The thing is, my husband doesn’t understand me at all.
A4P: Oh? Why not?
A4P Guest: He doesn’t listen to me.
A4P: Maybe you criticize him a lot, pick on his errors and mistakes a lot and because of that he may be protecting himself from you.
A4P Guest: Well, I used to do that but now, after I learned from your videos, I don’t do that anymore. But he still avoids talking to me.
A4P: And is that the only problem you have in your marriage?
A4P Guest: No! We have a lot! And I asked him if we could go for marriage counseling and he said no. So, I mean, what do I need to do?
A4P: Oh! That is tough! But let me ask you. Do you want this marriage to work?
A4P Guest: Yes, I do! Oh, Lord! I don’t want to go through divorce. I have two beautiful little kids and I don’t want to be a single mom?.
A4P: Good for you! So what are you willing to do to improve your marriage?
A4P Guest: Whatever it takes! I am willing to do anything as long as it helps me improve and build my marriage.
A4P: Then seek counseling for yourself and work on yourself!
A4P Guest: But that is like trying to clap with one hand, is it not?
A4P: Yes and no! Yes, because to work on yourself, it is good if you get honest feedback from your husband in front of a counselor, not to attack or discourage you but to help you see your side of the problem. If your husband is not going to be there, as you said, it may feel like trying to clap with one hand. And no, because two people make a marriage a good marriage and two people make a marriage a bad one. That means you have your share of contribution for your marriage to look like what it is today. So, with the help of the counselor, you start to know about your faulty understandings and beliefs about marriage and what it means to live with a man. You also learn your mistakes and ways to correct those mistakes.
A4P Guest: Well, let’s say, I did all that and I improved my side. What about my husband? What about his side?
A4P: That is when the spiritual aspect of your life comes. During counseling, you’re not only work on your mistakes and faults but also on your spiritual life. Instead of sitting there and watching your husband, how bad he is doing as a husband – – -,
A4P Guest: Sorry for interrupting you! But my husband is the best dad to his kids!
A4P: If I were you, I wouldn’t say that. If he loves his children, he listens to his wife, to the mother of his kids. Just because he changes diapers and spends time with his little ones doesn’t qualify him as the best dad! Best dads love the mother of their children. That is the best gift a loving dad gives to his children he loves. And if he works to provide to his children, believe me in this, even divorce men work hard to provide ti their children, (to pay their child support).
A4P Guest: I see! I guess you’re right! Sorry again for interrupting!
A4P: No problem! I was just saying, instead of sitting there and complaining about your husband, you work on yourself, you study the word of God, seek the face of God, feed your spirit the word of God. As you do that, you grow in faith. What is faith? Believing what the Bible says. What does the Bible say?
It says,
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”
1 Peter 3:1-4 ESV
Do you see it?
It doesn’t say, “Do such and such things! But if your husband doesn’t do what he is supposed to do, it is pointless because it is like trying to clap with one hand.” Why? Because if you follow the guidance of the word of God, you will never be put to shame for God Himself is the guarantor of His word. ///