As far as I know and understand the word of God, it is not a sin for a woman to marry a man with a child/ren. A man may have children out of wedlock or become widowed by the death of his wife or he got divorced. And when a single woman entertains the idea of marrying a man with a child (or children), she has to ask herself some important questions which help her to work through her decision making process wisely. Some of these questions are: –
- Am I too desperate to get married?
This is a very critical question a young single woman should ask herself: Am I desperate to get married? As a Christian woman, she only needs to be desperate to know God and His ways because this desperation is promised by the word of God to be fully met.
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.” Matthew 5:6 NASB
When a woman thinks and believes that marrying a man will fulfill her life, she will be desperate to get married. When she is desperate to get married, she takes any man who is willing to marry her whether the man has a child or 100 children or he was divorced 500 times before or not. No good decisions are made in desperation because desperation is a state of despair that forces a person to do the unthinkable to get rid of the desperation.
Desperation other than to know God and His words always leads to disaster. That is why the word of God says, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33 NASB
If you are that girl who is desperate to get married, please run away from “the marriage market” and hide yourself with the word of God until that wrong desperation is replaced by the right and godly one.
2. Am I too spiritual?
Sometimes a young girl may deceive herself as she blindly interprets her life experiences or incidents only spiritually. If someone randomly comes to her and prophesies on her, she tends to see the person as if he/she came directly from God.
A spiritual woman doesn’t mean a woman who lost her brain; rather it means, a woman who puts her scripturally sharpened brain to work.
The word of God says,
“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God.” Romans 8:14 NIV
What does being led by the Spirit of God mean?
Listen what Jesus said:
“The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life.” John 6:63 NIV
As a woman fills her heart and mind with the whole counsel of the word of God, she will be led by the Spirit of God.
3. Is the man I am thinking of marrying too spiritual?
When a man says to a girl, “My dream is to minister the people of God until I die! I want to be a martyr in my generation,” a young girl who is 10 to 15 years younger than the man thinks that she found Jesus Christ Himself in a human body and she cannot wait to be “Jesus’ wife!”
If the girl is led by the Spirit of God and her dream is also to be a martyr in her generation, it is good that she gives him a warm welcome into her life. If she wants to live life here on earth, she kindly says to the man, “Wow! What a dream! I wish you all the best! Bye!”
Some men try to impress a girl by how many Bible verses they have in their memory bank. But the question the girl should ask is: What am I going to do with his memory bank? Am I going to take them to bank or what? She has to know that she is marrying the person, with all his characters and personalities, not his talents, gifts and all his spiritual achievements.
4. Is the man too good to be true?
If the man’s resume reads something like, “Handsome, has a well-paying job, educated, being a Christian throughout his life, well-mannered gentleman, has a perfect church attendance, divorced twice accidentally because those women took advantage of his likeableness, spirituality and generosity and has two beautiful children from those two marriages but the mothers have full custody since he is very busy man with his work,” run away from this man.
How come a woman, not one but two women, just abandoned a man who has this perfect record? Just run away without asking anymore questions. Remember you should care how this man sees and treats his ex-wives and children because what he did to them is going to be yours in the future too.
5. Do I have all the facts about the man from different sources?
A girl who is thinking of marrying a man with a child/ren has to ask herself if she has all the information she needs to know about the man to make an informed decision from the right sources. If her sources of information are only the man, his families, friends and pastor, she has to know that she doesn’t know all the pertinent information she needs to know to make an informed decision. It is always good and advisable to find information on her own from the man’s ex-wives or people who know his ex-wives.
6. Is the man looking for a mother to his children or a wife to love?
This is a very important question to ask for a girl who is thinking of marrying a man with a child/ren. A man may find himself as the only caregiver to his children. In this case, it is natural for the man and his friends and families to find a woman for him who plays the mother role for his children. That means the man is in search of a mother to his children or a full-time care-giver to his children, not a wife.
So, the young single Christian girl should ask herself if that is her main reason to get married, to be a care-giver. If she takes it as her “God-given” call to minister and serve the man and his children, she cannot complain later on saying, “My husband doesn’t treat me as a wife,” because she didn’t marry him to be his wife but his children’s care-giver.
Yes, it is not a sin for a single Christian woman to marry a man with kids however she has to be fully informed about what she is signing herself up to. ///