When a young woman ends up being a single mom (divorced, or widowed or other reasons), she naturally desires to find “a father” to her child. We all women, especially those of us who are mothers, agree with that desire. It is natural for a woman to want to raise children in the presence of both parents. And finding a man who can play “a father figure” in her child’s life is a blessing.

The Bible says,

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 ESV

Very straightforward, isn’t it?

Here the word of God says, compared to getting married, it is good for a woman to remain single. We can find why it is “good” in verse 34:

“- – – the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:34 ESV

A born-again Christian woman, if she remains single, the word of God says, it is good because “worldly things” won’t take away her attention from her focus on Christ and serving Christ. However Paul does not prescribe this life, “remaining single for life,” to all women because doing so is against the will and word of God.

So, Paul writes,

“But if they [single women] cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 1 Corinthians 7:9 ESV

This is so straightforward!

The word of God doesn’t say, “If a woman cannot exercise self-control, she should date for the sake of her sexual desires.” Rather, it says, she “should marry” because marriage, a covenantal institution, is the only godly and holy institution a man and a woman can be sexual.

So, the single woman with a child in our example wants to get married so she finds a husband to herself and a father to her child. There is nothing wrong with these wants. However, if this woman sees her child as “a stumbling block” to find a sound minded, loving and caring Christ-like husband, she puts herself out there in a way to find “any” man who is willing to take her and her “stumbling block.”

“Any” man means, any man! No criteria whatsoever! At least according to the Bible, a born-again Christian woman should marry a born-again Christian man (2 Corinthians 6). But if this woman in our example thinks and believes that having this kind of criterion in place is reserved for those women who don’t have any “stumbling block” in their lives, she puts herself and her child in danger.

In the first place: What is the stumbling block?

Her child?

What does the Bible say about a child?

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3 NASB

Wow! Did you read that?

This single woman might end up with a child for countless reasons, including her own poor choices but her child is not “a gift” or “the fruit” or “reward” of her poor choices.

“Children are a gift of the LORD!” Period!

Yes, it is good for this woman to desire to raise her child in a household where both parents are present but not at the cost of her. She is the mother of her child. She is a very important person in her child’s life. She cannot sacrifice her life in the name of “finding a father for my child.”

What she needs to ask herself first, I believe, is this: “Am I looking for a father for my child or a husband for me?”

You see these two terms, a father and a husband, are not synonyms. They are two different terms. All fathers are not husbands and all husbands are not fathers.

Any willing and older man can play a father role in a child’s life. This young and single woman doesn’t need to marry the man who is willing to play a father role in her child’s life.

What a child wants, or, what is necessarily for the well-being of a child, is to be raised by parents, a father and a mother, who love and respect each other and care for one another. If a child’s mom is not well-taken care of by her husband, a child cannot be well nurtured especially mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Just bringing a man as a father figure won’t solve everything.

That means, even if it sounds too selfish, a woman with a child should first find a man who can be a husband material before she looks for a man who is willing to be a father figure to her child. A man who loves, treasures and respects a woman naturally loves and cares for whatever belongs to the woman of his love, her child(ren), families, even her pets.

Yes, as the word of God says, it is better for a young woman (with a child too) to get married than “burn with passion” but not at the cost of her and her well-being. She should first know that her child is a gift and a blessing from God! Then she should look for a man who can be a husband to her, a man who has potential to be a kind of husband the word of God calls a man to be:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25 NASB

If she cannot find this man, it is good for this single woman, single mother, “to remain single.” 1 Corinthians 7:8 ///