A4P Guest: I am a born again Christian. And I’m seeing a born again Christian man I met through a common friend. We both are 27-year olds – he is three months older than me. I love him very much and he loves me too. After we started dating, he joined my church so we see each other at least three or four times a week. We get along just fine but sometimes I feel like he competes with me.

A4P: What does that mean? Give me a specific example so I understand what exactly you’re saying.

A4P Guest: Oh, yes. Let me give you one example from a recent situation. I just got a good paying job a couple months ago, (I guess better than what he makes) and I have been very excited about my job and I told him why I liked it. But now all of a sudden, he lost interest to listen to me regarding my job and two weeks ago, he started looking for a job.

A4P: I mean, it is good. What’s wrong with that? Maybe you’re pushing him to be a man who makes more than his woman. I think most men want to be in that position. And this desire is natural for a man. So, see it positively. While he was comfortable with his current job, by your courage to grow and find a better job, you woke him up from his slumber to strive for more and better. So, good for you!

A4P Guest: Oh, yeah?

A4P: Yes! “Iron sharpens iron,” right? So, you challenge him and he challenges you, in the end you both will work and live to your potentials.

A4P Guest: Oh, okay. But you see, sometimes I don’t know if this is competition or what but he doesn’t listen to me. He only wants me to listen to him. Unless he wins in everything, he won’t let go.

A4P: Uh-oh! That is not good! But go ahead and give me one specific example so I can see how this can bother you.

A4P Guest: Okay. So, we agreed to get married.

A4P: Oh! Congratulations! You must be excited, I bet!

A4P Guest: Oh, yes! Thank you! But the thing is we’ve been dating now for four years.

A4P: Uh-oh! That is not good! Four years of dating for born again Christians is not good, I mean, unless – – –

A4P Guest: Unless what?

A4P: Unless you have good reasons which prevented you both from going forward.

A4P Guest: Both our families know about it and they are very happy for us but we’ve been talking about getting married for two years now.

A4P: And? What is stopping you?

A4P Guest: He always comes up with all sorts of excuses to do it next season or next year.

A4P: Yes, most men are like that. They naturally are scared of commitments especially when it comes to marriage. But can you tell me some of his excuses?

A4P Guest: Yes! He’s saying, we need to buy a house first and he wants to continue to go to school for his master’s degree.

A4P: I see. Both plans are good but I don’t see why he wants to pause on the wedding to accomplish them. Maybe he didn’t want to take a student loan for his master’s.

A4P Guest: No, he is not planning to pay for it. His Company is sponsoring it.

A4P: Oh!

A4P Guest: Yes! You see! And I told him that we could buy a house after we saved some money for a down payment and we could do all that after we got married.

A4P: I agree with you. That is a good idea! But let me ask you and please be honest with me so I can help you.

A4P Guest: Sure! Ask me anything!

A4P: Are you guys sexual?

A4P Guest: We were not sexual for the first two years of our dating but after that knowing that we would be together for the rest of our lives, we started being sexual.

A4P: Oh, here comes the big “elephant!” I mean, this is the issue. Quick question: Are you both born Christians?

A4P Guest: We both grew up in Christian homes.

A4P: Just because a mechanic works in a car shop for 27 years doesn’t mean that he is a car.

A4P Guest: What do you mean?

A4P: Growing up in a Christian home in and of itself won’t make a person a born against Christian. The question is who are you in Christ? Who is Jesus Christ for you?

A4P Guest: Jesus is my everything!

A4P: Good answer but what does it really mean?

A4P Guest: It means I love Jesus Christ with all my heart.

A4P: Good answer again! But what does that really mean biblically?

A4P Guest: LOL! I know! Even though I grew up in a Christian home, I am not that good in remembering and quoting verses.

A4P: Me too! I am not good at that but without quoting the exact verse, what does loving Christ mean?

A4P Guest: Well, “I love Jesus,” means for me – – –

A4P: I didn’t ask you as “What does it mean for you,” kind of question. I am asking you, what does “loving God” mean according to the word of God, the Bible?

A4P Guest: You know, I love going to church. I love listening to Gospel songs. I actually don’t listen to any other worldly kind of music. I give to church and ministries. I support financially ministries outside the church. And I try my best to pray. And I also try to read the Bible at least two times a week.

A4P: Ok, this was not the answer I was looking for. But okay, what does the Bible say about sex outside of marriage?

A4P Guest: LOL! Again I am not good at quoting verses but I am sure the word of God says not to sleep around and I am not that kind of girl.

A4P: Hmm. So, here is my short advice for you:

You are giving to your man every privilege “a husband” receives from “his wife.” And I don’t see any reason for him to want to marry you in a hurry. Why? To spend money on a wedding, a honeymoon and deal with your parents and siblings on a daily basis; to have someone to ask him where he goes and what he does with his money; and to raise “little children” which will cost him all his money?

Precious, I hope and I pray you’re hearing what I am saying to you. Men are men. They don’t like commitments and if they can to avoid it, they will. And you gave the man every excuse to say no to any commitment. What can he do?

And my second advice is this: If you fall in love with a man, do you say, “I try to talk to him once or twice a week?” No, you just do it and do it gladly and you don’t want anything and anybody to put a time limit for you. You want to see the man you love, you want to talk to him, you want to hear his voice like a beautiful music, you want to spend as much time as you want to. Then you marry him to cut out all the limitations forever and to be with him for the rest of your life.

Christianity is just like that. Christianity is a marriage, a love relationship, between Christ and a believer.

Know Christ first. Spend as much time as you are able to with Him, know what He is saying to you in His word and see how beautiful and precious He is. Then you don’t say, “I try to pray, I try to read the Bible.” Rather, you say, “I want to spend all my time with Christ, in prayer and studying His word. I miss Him every second!”

But the way, “I love Jesus Christ,” biblically means a lot but these two verses/passages may show you the plain meaning of it:

Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” John 14:15 NASB

John, Christ’s best friend and close Disciple while Jesus was on earth, writes:

“And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.” 1 John 2:3-6 ESV

And please find a good Bible believing and Bible preaching church, means “a church that preaches only Christ,” kind of church and get plugged in. If you go to a church where a preacher stands and preaches himself, tells funny stories or stories which leave such impressions on his listeners that he has a special anointing, power and revelation from God to make himself and his listeners healthy, wealthy and smart, run out of that church for your life and find a church where only Christ is lifted up mainly in the preaching of the word.

Remember, God is no respecter of men. Whoever looks and calls for Him will find Him. May God reveal to you His truth! ///