Many people who did their research around married couples say that the life of a marriage depends heavily on how the couple is fighting.
That sounds a little off, doesn’t it?
Well, this is what it means: There are right ways or wrong ways of fighting in a marriage. These wrong ways can put our marriages in danger and we have to strive to avoid them and learn how to fight good. The list is not exhaustive but I try to list the main ones:
- Picking the wrong time to bring up an issue for a discussion (at the end of the day, when you or your spouse is hungry or angry) – that means, the good way of fighting in this case is being wise to pick your fight at the right time.
- Calling names: “After all, you are a liar.” Or, “Actually you are lazy anyways.” – calling each other nasty names instead of discussing the issue at hand can bring detrimental consequences to your marriage
- Giving each other a “silent treatment” as a strategy to solve your marital issue. This is something we all need fight against because communication is a lifeline of our marriage. We cannot afford to cut that cord and assume that our marriage can survive in the long run. Communication should be an open channel all the time.
- Demanding your spouse to be somebody else that they are not. This is the worst way of fighting in our marriage. To know this, it is always good to stop and ask ourselves what we want from our spouses. It is good to pray and search our hearts. Let’s ask ourselves difficult questions such as: “Am I asking my husband to be more expressive that who he already is?” “Am I asking my wife to dress and act like Madonna when she is the most modest and loving person I can ever find?” And when you know that you are demanding and trying to change your spouse, stop it! It will never work except destroying your beautiful marriage.
- Comparing your spouse with other’s spouse to make a point. This is a very lame way of fighting. Appreciate and accept the unique nature of your spouse. Comparing your spouse with others can actually change the smallest issue into the biggest one. So, avoid this.
- Don’t use Bible verses when you fight with your spouse. If you want to show your spirituality and maturity, show it by action, by acting and speaking like Jesus Christ.
- Don’t target to teach your spouse! Just focus on the issue and find a solution as a team. If, for example, your husband is short in remembering and paying all the bills, don’t try to teach him how to be that kind of person. Instead, if you are good at that, take over that responsibility and switch with him with other responsibility that he is good at. Trying to change your spouse just doesn’t work especially when a wife tries to teach her husband. God didn’t create and design marriage to be like that. Read 1 Corinthians 11.
- Don’t go to a fight to win; instead go to the fight so that your marriage wins. Come up with a solution, as a team, that is going to work for both of you.
There is more but for today, these are enough points to ponder and try to put them to practice. Have a blessed weekend! ///