Before You Leave . . . Remember

The Attraction of Divorce — Part 4

It is good to be back to this interesting and informative series called The Attraction of Divorce.

We are already in Part 4 of this series. I do not know about you, but for me, this series has been such a blessing to my soul.

Without further ado, I want to continue from where we left off last time. But before I continue, I want to briefly clarify and strengthen the point we made last time.

God Restores Broken Things

Last time, we read Isaiah 42:1-4, and we also looked at Matthew 12:18-21, to see how God deals with broken things so that we can imitate Him.

And we said this:

God restores broken things; He does not discard them.

Isaiah 42:3 says:

“A bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench.”

That verse shows us the heart of God toward His broken people.

He does not look at a bruised reed and say, “Useless.”

He does not look at a faintly burning wick and say, “Finished.”

He restores.

He strengthens.

He revives.

He brings life.

When a Marriage Feels Too Broken

When Christians feel that their marriage is broken, the Word of God calls them to think first about restoration, not divorce.

As I have said before in this series, I am not talking about situations where there are biblical grounds for divorce, or situations involving abuse, violence, abandonment, or serious covenant-breaking sin. Those situations require protection, wise pastoral care, and biblical counsel.

I am talking about marriages where one or both spouses feel disappointed, tired, unhappy, emotionally distant, or convinced that their marriage is too broken to continue, even though there are no biblical grounds to end the marriage.

In those situations, Christians must not let pain become their teacher.

They must let the Word of God teach them.

Because pain speaks loudly.

Disappointment speaks loudly.

Bitterness speaks loudly.

Loneliness speaks loudly.

But none of them is Lord.

Christ is Lord.

And His Word must have the final authority over our feelings, our thoughts, our desires, and our decisions.

Before You Look at Your Spouse

Before a Christian looks at his or her spouse and says, “This person is too broken,” that Christian must first remember:

“I too was broken.”

I was also like a bruised reed.

I was also like a faintly burning wick.

I was also dead in my trespasses and sins.

But God, in Christ, breathed life into my deadness and brought me back to life.

Ephesians 2:1-10 reminds us that we were not merely weak. We were dead in our sins. But God, being rich in mercy, made us alive together with Christ.

This is a basic and foundational mindset every Christian should carry throughout their pilgrimage.

We must never forget where God found us.

We must never forget what God has done with us.

We must never forget how many times He restored us, even after we believed in Him.

From a Bruised Reed to an Oak

While we were a bruised reed and a faintly burning wick, God restored us back to life:

“that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.”
Isaiah 61:3

Do you see the transformation?

A bruised reed becomes an oak of righteousness.

A faintly burning wick becomes a life that glorifies God.

This is what the grace of God does.

God does not merely patch people up so they can barely survive.

He restores them for His glory.

So when Christian couples remember what God has done with their own “good-for-nothing” lives, they begin to trust God to bring healing and health to their broken marriage, in and through them.

Remember Before You Decide

When the enemy comes with lies, presenting divorce as the only road to peace, Christians must bring the truth of God to mind.

They must remember how many times God has restored them back to Himself.

They must remember how patient God has been with them.

They must remember how much mercy they have received.

They must remember that God did not throw them away when they were weak, sinful, confused, stubborn, and broken.

And that remembrance gives them strength to fight for the truth of God and for their marriage in God’s way.

Not in the flesh.

Not with manipulation.

Not with revenge.

Not by pretending nothing is wrong.

But with truth, repentance, forgiveness, humility, prayer, patience, and faith.

Jesus Takes Us Back to the Beginning

When the Pharisees asked Jesus about divorce, Jesus answered them by taking them back to the beginning:

“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said,
‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Matthew 19:4-6

You see, every marriage is mysteriously established by God, even though every couple has their own unique story of how they met.

Some couples meet at church.

Some meet at school.

Some are introduced by family or friends.

Some meet in ways they never expected.

But behind the story of how they met, there is the mysterious providence of God.

It is God who joins two souls in this institution called marriage, between one man and one woman, and makes them one.

God Provides for What He Establishes

Whatever comes to attack and destroy this institution God has established, God provides to the couple everything they need to stand firm and stick together to the end.

God’s provision is always available under the umbrella of His Word.

This does not mean marriage will be easy.

It does not mean there will be no tears.

It does not mean there will be no painful conversations, no disappointments, no seasons of dryness, and no need for repentance.

But it does mean that God does not establish a covenant and then abandon His people inside that covenant.

He provides grace.

He provides wisdom.

He provides conviction.

He provides repentance.

He provides forgiveness.

He provides endurance.

He provides His Word, His Spirit, and His people.

The Storm May Be Refining You

When Christian married couples know these basic truths, they will be able to view their conflicts, struggles, disappointments, attacks, and temptations differently.

They will begin to see that God can use those storms to grow them in prayer, faith, humility, endurance, repentance, forgiveness, and love.

The storms that threaten to destroy their marriage may actually be the very instruments God uses to purify and refine them.

Why?

Because under that sacred covenant, the covenant God created for the good of man and for His glory, God’s provision is available according to the needs of the married couple.

They lack nothing.

More Holy Than Happy?

Gary Thomas, one of my favorite authors on the topic of marriage, in his bestselling book Sacred Marriage, famously asked:

“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?”

I highly recommend this book to all married people.

Thomas states the truth about the covenant of marriage eloquently in the form of an intriguing question. And yes, some of us who have been married for more than 25 years are living testimonies of this truth.

Marriage is not only about finding happiness.

Marriage is also one of the places where God exposes our selfishness, teaches us repentance, trains us in forgiveness, humbles our pride, strengthens our faith, and makes us more like Christ.