Many marriage experts agree that no one can have a perfect marriage.

Duh! We all are imperfect people and when two of us come together, we can’t create a perfect life.

Okay, that is like one of those “no brainer” facts. But do you know that many marriage experts (means, people who spend most of their days studying about marriage) agree that there are only two kinds of marriages: Good or bad? Yeah, it is very true.

And they said, you have a good marriage if: 

• You both try your best every day to spend a certain amount of time, from five minutes to half an hour a day (or more, depending on where you live and what you do in life), to talk, not about issues that need to be solved but to talk about life in general, like, “How was your day today” kind of talk;
• You don’t leave any conflict unresolved; that means you don’t hold any grudge against each other;
• You know how to fight “a good fight;” means you don’t slander and insult each other and you don’t assassinate each other’s character even in the middle of a heated argument – you respect each other;
• You both don’t go to sleep being mad at each other and you both are quick to forgive and overlook each other’s wrong doings (but after issues are dealt with appropriately and respectfully);
• You and your spouse strive to take each other as number one priority in life (then kids come next); – means you feel responsible to “fill your spouse’s emotional tank” – which includes your spouse’s sexual needs;
• You and your spouse still go out for a date as if you guys are still dating;
• You and your spouse don’t gossip about each other to anyone because you finish your issue between yourself;
• You and your spouse are always ready to seek marriage counseling when one or more than one issues keep coming between you two and neither of you seem to be able to come up with practical solutions;
• Both of you don’t include your families in any of your decisions; you may ask advice and help here and there but when it comes to making the final decision, you two decide (issues such as where to buy a house or where to send your kids to school or where to find the best loan, etc.);
• You and your spouse laugh at each other’s jokes and silly mistakes because both of you accept each other’s unchangeable weaknesses and inadequacies such as being a “night owl”;
• You and your spouse never doubt each other’s motive even in the middle of a heated argument or conflict; and
• Both of you are cheerleaders of each other’s passion and call in life. Next to Holy Spirit, you both are “encourage-rs” of each-other’s effort and hard work.

If you read the above twelve points, you can clearly see that they are good habits; means they are at the reach of anyone who wants to develop them. As we all have a capacity to develop bad habits, we also have a capacity to develop good ones. We just have to be willing to change ourselves and give ourselves and our spouse enough grace time to grow. God’s will for all of us married people is for us to have good marriages, not bad ones. If it is His will, His power is available to help us if we strive to make our marriages good ones. ///