When I came into marriage and motherhood, I had various misguided expectations and flawed conceptions, largely stemming from false myths. A few of these myths are as follows:
“God created man with His clean hands, then with His soiled hands, He created woman.”
“The simplest method to enslave a woman to a man is by making her a mother.”
“Having children is like placing obstacles on your path to achieving all your dreams and aspirations.”
Being young and a first-time mother, lacking any mentorship, not having the word of God in my heart, soul and mind, these thoughts and myths in my mind drove me crazy because I thought everything I knew was true.
Mind you, I became a mother while none of my friends did, and I didn’t have anyone to mentor me to become a godly wife and mother. I dove into this role of motherhood as if I were trying on new clothes, to see if they suited me or not. The issue was, I didn’t find them appealing, yet I couldn’t remove them. With all the incorrect and unhealthy beliefs about motherhood in my heart and mind, I began to be filled with murmurs and complaints.
The first two years of our marriage were fantastic. Then we welcomed a human being into this world, and guess what? My life turned upside down. While my husband enjoying being a father—going to work in the morning and returning home in the evening eager to engage with his son and enjoy their time together—I found myself struggling with, without any break, the relentless demands of motherhood. Our little one couldn’t communicate or play with me, yet required constant love, care, diaper changes, and feeding (as I was breastfeeding) around the clock.
The word of God says,
“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.” Psalm 127:3 NASB
A gift?????
Are you kidding me? What constitutes a gift? And gift for who? For me?
Nah!
I regarded the Bible as an outdated book that most of its messages were not applicable to my life in the 21st century. Consequently, I dismissed it. A gift from God? I mean, I am suffering because of this so-called “gift!” How can I refer to this tiny baby boy as “a gift from God?”
No way, José!
Yes, motherhood completely and totally transforms a woman’s life. However, I rebelled against embracing those changes naturally and instead I resolved to maintain my pre-pregnancy lifestyle. I persisted in wearing high-heeled shoes, exercising vigorously to regain my flat belly, and closely monitoring my diet. What remained my focus and goal in life?
ME!
What about the little boy?
I did my best to find a way to accommodate him within my already tightly packed and overflowing busy lifestyle. Failing to do so perfectly, bitterness began to seep in. The man I was deeply in love with and married, I started to believe he was exploiting me by keeping me at home to raise “his child,” while I could put my working brain to a better use.
Little did I know that I was a blessed woman! Little did I know that motherhood was a divine calling, albeit brief. I had no inkling that mothering was the most esteemed and honorable vocation bestowed only by God. God placed a precious diamond on my hand that I regarded as a mere rock.
Then two more little ones followed in the footsteps of the first, and I believed my life was in ruins. Amidst all this, the state of my marriage was the least of my worries. When my husband returned from work, he was met with a cold reception, greeted by my upset and annoyed expression. If he dared to speak, he would encounter the unpleasant side of his wife, the one he believed he had loved and married to spend the rest of his life with.
Then I started encountering American mothers and observed how they tirelessly shuffled their little children from one activity to another throughout the day. Assuming that I was emulating a good thing, I decided to copy them. I desired for my little ones to engage in various activities at such a young age, just like everyone else.
Following God’s deliverance of His people from slavery from Egypt and guiding them into the Promised Land, God assumed the role of king over His people. He was the one responsible for their well-being. Whenever an enemy threatened, God would raise up a judge to defeat their adversaries. However, one day, upon observing the surrounding nations, the people of God said to Samuel, the most respected prophet of God:
“Now appoint for us a king to judge us like all the nations.” 1 Samuel 8:5b ESV
The people of God insisted that they should also have a human king like all the other nations around them, rather than the God who created the heavens and the earth being their King.
In the same way, I also desired to mold my young children into replicas of everyone else’s kids around me.
Oh, even writing about it fills me with anger and disgust!
I had no clue that the vitality of my marriage was indeed the paramount and foundational factor that shapes the mental, spiritual, psychological, and physical well-being of our children.
God, as stated in Exodus 34:6, “the LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness,” showed mercy upon my ignorance. Gradually, I started to regain my senses. With the restoration of my prayer life by God and the opening of my heart’s eyes to the understanding of His word, I began to think more clearly. I started listening to daily radio family shows such as Focus on the Family and Family Life Today ministries. Both of these ministries emphasize the importance of God’s word and cultivating a healthy marriage/family.
Oh, I am so grateful and thankful for God’s mercy and for these ministries!
I am deeply grateful for my husband too, who remained steadfast in God’s truth. I recall his words to me as he left for work, “Remember, yenei emebet, you’re undertaking something you’ll be grateful for the rest of your life. Mothering your children is a precious privilege eko. You may not perceive that beauty now, but you will soon.”
May God bless his heart!
Indeed, I am blessed with a wise husband, and I owe him a great debt of gratitude. I thank God for him, as he tirelessly encouraged and uplifted my spirit.
Why am I sharing this with you?
Hoping to inspire at least one young mother to recognize the beauty of her calling, realizing how God entrusts her with the next generation to shape, mold, and guide. And if just one mother is encouraged to stay home and nurture the next generation in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6), then the purpose of this post is fulfilled. ///
P. S. By the way, we are pausing on our series of teaching and mentoring young men in the word of God for this special post. God willing, we will resume our series next time.