A4P Guest: I’m 26 years old and I am tired of dealing with my sexuality. I feel like I’m the weakest man in my church. Even if I know that most single men (including single women) struggle in this area, I feel like mine is just too much. So my question for you is this: What is the best way to pursue a girl for marriage? 

A4P: Wow! So that is your question? 

A4P Guest: Yes. What did I do?

A4P: Your question sounds like getting married is a medicine to break free from sexual temptations/sins/addictions. 

A4P: Oh it is not?  

A4P Guest: Let me explain it for you in this way so you can have a good understanding of what you just asked me. 

It is like asking me to give you a flu-shot so your neighbor stops smoking. 

I hope and pray that you see your question in light of the above analogy.

I mean how can you be free from sexual immorality by marrying a woman? How can a woman cleanse your life? She can’t! She also needs someone to cleanse her life let alone she cleanses yours. 

1 Corinthians 7:2 is not saying that if you marry, you will be free from the bondage of sexual sin. It says, “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)

Paul is appreciating the single men from the Corinth church for abstaining from sex but he is also advising them to get married and have sex with their own wives. Here we see marriage as the only holy way to have sex but it doesn’t say, “If you marry, you will break the bondage of visiting a prostitute, going to a massage parlore  and getting your fix and viewing porn and getting engaged in masturbation.”

So listen to me carefully please: Your sexuality is the number one nature of God that teaches you how to depend on God, how to seek God and delight in Him and His laws, how to trust God and win all your battles, how to develop noble characters such as faithfulness, moral uprightness and more. Your sexuality is not your enemy in your walk as a follower of Jesus Christ; rather it is your best companion. So fight for your sexual sanity so the devil won’t hijack it. Guess what? God fights for your sexuality too because your sexual sanity protects all areas of your life including your spirituality. 

So this was what you were supposed to ask me: “How can I pursue God and authentic relationship with other men who follow Jesus Christ so I can put to death my earthily nature? 

“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.” (Colossians 3:5)

“Flee the evil desires of youth and PURSUE righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22, capitalization is mine)

May God open up your spiritual eyes so you can understand what I wrote you above! 

By the way, it is not only singles who struggle with sexual sin but married people too. The best thing for you to do now as a single man is to know how to tame your sexuality in the Spirit and Word of God so when you become a married man, you won’t be a real pain in the neck to your wife like many married men are (assuming that you marry a woman who tamed her sexuality as a single woman.) ///