When a couple fights or “discusses” an issue, there are so many things that they are to pay attention to so their discussion will build their marriage, not destroy it.
Of course I am not planning to list all the things that, I believe, will help them but I will try to give to both the wife and the husband the one thing they should avoid during a discussion.
Ladies first!
So, if you are a wife of one husband, don’t cry in the middle of a discussion.
Do you know why? Most men don’t understand emotions, especially “when a woman cries”. They feel helpless when their woman gets into these bouts of emotions. So, guess what happens in their brain? When you start crying, their brain alarm-system gets off and sends orders saying, “Stop her from crying as soon as you can or else!” So, some men just quit on the discussion and walk away, not that they don’t want to talk to you, rather, they get nervous and don’t know what to do with you.
Remember, most men, their left brain is not good at communicating with their right brain (read about this more online, you find fascinating facts). That means, they don’t know what to do with emotions such as crying. Some men immediately make a promise never to do again the thing that made you cry, not because they understand your pain and their mistakes but to stop you from crying.
Some men love the after effect of the drama of you crying and them trying to calm you down; they wipe your tears, hug, cuddle and kiss you and the rest is history. Have you two dealt with the issue? Nope! Not even close! Instead, you threw the issue under the rug for it to get bigger and boomerang on you when you least expecting it.
So, don’t cry! Period! Deal with the issue like an adult. When you feel like crying, stop the discussion right away and go to a room and inhale and exhale slowly, 10 times, then come back to the discussion. Through time, you train yourself to talk without shedding any tears. Hey, I am sharing with you what I trained myself to do early on in my marriage. No, ma’am, I don’t cry now. I sit and discuss. When my kind husband and I discuss or fight, we always strive to fight good, means, for the best of our marriage, to arrive to a solution that works for both of us.
Now for the husband.
If you are a husband of one woman, stop being angry during a discussion because you scare your woman when you get angry. If you always get angry every time she wants to talk to you, she avoids talking to you at any cost. That means, she cuts the communication cord which is the lifeline of any good relationship, including marriage.
Anger in general has power to destroy any beautiful marriage “because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:20)
So, you as the leader of your household, the head of your wife, avoid this destructive habit out of your home and set a good example to your wife and children.
And it is good to know this: Psychologists say that anger is a secondary emotion; that means, there is a primary and underlying issue that throws you into this ugly adult “temper tantrum.” The primary cause can be an unresolved problem in your life or work place, depression, anxiety, sleep apnea (sleep disorder), feeling of incompetency, inferiority complex, etc. So, before you destroy your wife, kids (if you have kids) and your marriage, get to the bottom of the primary problem and find a solution for it. ///
P. S. Anger is mostly seen in husbands but in some marriages, the wife is the one who goes into this frequent “temper tantrum,” and the same advice can be given to her.