I am a mother of three beautiful children. They are now older than 20 but I still remember those early years of parenting, when all our kids were in diapers and pull-ups. I remember wishing to have two or three babysitters in the house, just like parents I saw in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, so I can dress up and put on high-heel shoes and go out to have a cup of coffee with friends, as I used to when I was single.

I thought I was not blessed by God not to have those options. I was spending my 24-hour time with my little kids, in the house.

Wow! Sometimes we don’t know what kind of precious opportunities God puts before our eyes. We innocently give ourselves to the idea and thinking of this world.

I mean, I am a mother, am I not? Then why do I wish to give my role of parenting to someone else? Knucklehead!

Anyways, by the mercy and grace of God, I didn’t spend long in that kind of thinking. I began reading books on parenting (such as books written by Dr. James Dobson: “Raising Up Boys” and “Raising Up Girls”) and slowly but surely I began to see the beauty and precious privilege of parenting my own children. I realized that parenting was not all about changing diapers and putting food on the table but more than that.

I was (still am) blessed by a husband who was willing to read books with me so we both could learn about raising our children. And we both quickly realized that parenting was not an easy job and it was not a call that can be transferred to someone else.

Sure, we were (still are) very thankful for the availability of daycares, babysitters, schools and churches’ children ministries; however we realized the truth that these “helpers” could not replace our parental roles and calls. And it is God who makes one a parent, is He not? And when God makes a person a parent, He bestows parental authority, right and privilege to that same parent. Nobody can replace this person as a parent to their child who comes to this world.

Yes, we are thankful for “helpers” but these helpers cannot possibly replace us even if we passionately want them to. (Note: I only focus here on a common family situation here. I do not touch unique and exceptional family situations where, for example, a child lost both parents in a sad tragedy or something like this.)

Some people, sadly Christian parents too, look for a church that has a good “children ministry” so that they send their children to the church’s children ministry. For what? So the children ministry “ministers” to teach their children about God and the word of God!

This is nothing but tragedy!

Think about it for a second. Parents have their children 7-days a week. The ministers in the church have their children for 40 or 45 minutes a week. Who do you think impacts the child’s life, a parent who has the child 7-days a week or a minister who has the child for 40-minutes a week?

No brainer!

Yes, parenting is hard, very challenging and at times frustrating. But parenting is a sacred call of God. We cannot ask anyone to take that call from us and play the role of parenting on our behalf. It simply doesn’t work.

So, if you are a parent of a child/children, do everything you can so you can be with your children so you can train your children “in the way” they should go, teaching them how to pray, read and study the word of God, and focusing and working on the health of your marriage. As many different studies have shown again and again, there is a direct relationship between the health of our marriages and the mental, emotional and spiritual health of our children. What does this tell us?

Children are made or destroyed in the home!

Very scary, isn’t it?

Other than paralyzing us, fear doesn’t do any good to us. Instead of being paralyzed by fears, it is good to face our fears and address each of our fears in a timely fashion.

It is very easy to find a mother or a father who tends to say, “You know what? I am in this marriage only for the sake of my children!” This means, their marriage is already dead and/or destructive things, such as different abuses, are going on in the home. How can one say then that they are in the marriage for the sake of their children? This is nothing but foolishness!

Children love to see both their parents loving and caring for each other. Their small brain, mind and heart get well nourished by the love, care and respect they see between their parents. Even a two-month old baby shows signs of stress (traces of cortisol is found in their blood) when they are cared for by a sad or mad and angry mother. This is significant! I mean, we are talking about Cortisol, a stress hormone which can do many damages to the child’s brain.

What am I trying to say here?

Simple!

If you’re gifted by God to be a parent, do everything you can not to try to transfer your parenting opportunities to others because parenting is non-transferable. And if you are raising children in a marriage setting, make the health of your marriage your number one priority so that you will be able to raise, not perfect kids but kids, who are mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong enough to face this life. ///