A4P Guest: I’ve been married for three years now. My husband and I have a one year old son. My husband is a good Christian man and I always strive to be the best wife to my husband and the best mother to our son. I attend church regularly and read lots of books about marriage, family and relationship. My husband one the other hand does nothing when it comes to trying to learn about me, how to do marriage and raise kids. I bought some books for him to read so that he could understand me but he refused to read or go to marriage seminars. How can I convince him to read books and attend marriage seminars?

A4P: Early on in my marriage, I used to buy books about marriage and read them from cover to cover (which I still do). I used to “nag” my Berhan to read all the books I was reading. But I realized that he didn’t like to read books. So I came up with strategies to convince him to read all the books I wanted him to read.

So, my strategies were first, pouting, second, preaching. trying to tell him how God wants him to read and learn about me and marriage; and my third strategy was leaving a book about marriage open on his bedside. When I leave the book on his bedside, I make sure that the book is open on the page where it says something like, “Everything you need to know about your wife”.

I quickly learned that those three strategies were actually the lamest strategies ever! They made the situation worse, especially my first strategy (pouting). My Berhan TOTALLY avoided books, even to look at their covers. And my “preaching” and leaving the books open on his bedside I realized were doing more damage to my marriage than any good.

So I changed my strategy. Instead of trying to teach and change my Berhan, I concentrated on changing me. Instead of trying to “preach” to him how the authors said about wives and killing my husband’s interest to know about me, I turned the “radar” on me.

I slowly trained myself to close “my big mouth” when it comes to preaching to him. I also got my acts together and stopped pouting. I took those “sarcastic” statements out of my conversation and started to focus on changing my character and attitude towards him.

When I did that, what I found in me was literally “ugly.” I realized that I only knew most of the Bible verses about what a wife should be mentally. I never challenged myself to put them into practice. I came to know that I was the most hypocrite wife ever.

So I “zoomed in” into my heart and as the same time, I “zoomed out” of my husband’s personal life (which I still strive to do). I gave him full autonomy to do whatever he wanted and chose to do.

Then I began sharing with him, not what a husband should be to his wife but what a wife should be to her husband. I began to ask him to help me in the area of respecting him and submitting myself to his leadership (which I still strive to do). And I was doing all these things having only one goal in mind: To change myself so that I would be a “suitable helper” to him.

Oh, my dear sister, listen what the Bible says:

“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” 1 Peter 3:1-2

Did you see that? Pay attention to these words: "won over;" "without words;" "by the behavior of their wives" "when they see the purity and reverence of" their wives’ life.

Oh, my dear sister, the Word of God works! It is spirit; it is alive! It does wonders if you take it as it is and put it into practice (Hebrews 4:12). The grace and mercy of God is with us to help us do just that.

As I learned to let the "information" I got from the Word of God transform my life, my marriage took a different turn!

Now, my Berhan and I read books turn by turn. Now our understanding of what marriage is and what our spousal roles are on the same page. I know he has deeper understanding of the Word of God than me. I don’t get threatened by it, rather, I get blessed and benefited by it every day as I learn from him how to apply the Word of God into my life.

What am I saying to you then?

Precious, God didn’t call you and I to change our husbands but to INFLUENCE them by the purity and reverence of our lives. Focus on your own role as a wife and a mother.

Assuming that there is no emotional, mental and spiritual abuse in your marriage, I advise you to leave your husband alone so that his own God deals with him. Leave the way for God to come to his heart as you deal with your own heart and motive. Then you sure will start to see how your transformed and renewed attitude and character attract your husband not towards you but towards to God who in turn is going to push him towards you, his wife!

Isn’t that awesome! Yes, it is! God’s Word is True! It works! Go ahead and try it! This is the safest strategy you can try in your home and marriage starting from today. ///

Yes, I’m back from Minnesota. I flew back yesterday afternoon.

Minnesota folks treated me so well that I invited myself to go back there next week but it didn’t work, lol.

Did I deliver my message? You better believe it! They were ready to accept and eager to hear what I had to say! Praise the LORD! The covenant renewal dinner party was just “off-the-chart!”

Holding each other’s hand, each married couple renewed their marital vows. Then the senior pastor, Pastor Abebayehu, said, “Okay, now you guys can kiss.”

Well, you guys might think that they just kissed lightly. Oh, no! Beloved, some of these married couples forgot that we were around them. Yeah, they kissed as if nobody’s business!

I love it! I love it! I love it! I was so joyful that I became very emotional! Seriously, it was one of those “breath-taking” moments!

Do you want to know the theme of the covenant renewal night? Well, the theme was: "Sexual intimacy is a celebration of oneness!"

I only have one complaint about Minnesota though. I couldn’t accept the weather at all. Precious, it is COLD down there! No, no, no! Not acceptable for me on September! And I took all my summer dresses and you can just imagine how I was clinching my teeth together to preserve my body temperature. I put the thermostat of my hotel room on heat, 75 degree. They were laughing at me when I told them because for them 45 degree is like summer. Anyways, I’m glad I’m back to Maryland where the weather today is going to be 75 degree. Don’t you love that! I do!

Other than the weather, I had a wonderful time. I was spiritually revived and challenged by the ministers’ zeal and passion for the work of the Kingdom of God.

So, I would like to take this moment to say, “Thank you so much” to Pastor Abebayehu Abebe for opening the door for me!

“Thank you” Pastor Abebayehu, for all the love and care you and your better half have shown me during my stay! “Thank you” especially for the Sunday night dinner at your house! Yes, I agree with you, as you told me million times, lol, that your wife is the best cook!

I also would like to say, “Thank you” to all the pastors and ministers down there for opening your doors, hearts and arms and accepted me and my message as if I was literally sent by God. May the LORD bless you and yours!

And last but not least, I would like to say “Thank you” to all the folks at the Minnesota “The Unique 7000 Church!” You guys are just amazing! I already missed each and every one of you! May the LORD bless and keep you all! And those of you singles who promised me saying, “We will be married people by next year,” don’t forget to invite me for your wedding, lol! ///

First thing first: Thank you all for the beautiful birthday wishes! I seriously sat down and read all of them. Thank you so much my friends! I really appreciate each and everyone of you! God bless you!

Well, I’m packing now for my trip to Minnesota tomorrow at 4am and I thought it will be nice to say "Bye" to all of you, my Facebook fans.

And, don’t forget to invite your friends who live in St. Paul, Minnesota or closer to come over there and worship God with us. I pray and hope God will give us a wonderful time!

If you especially know married couples who live there, please tell them to attend the Saturday program which is going to be one of a kind! I’m telling you! I know I’m ministering at the service but you know what excite me a lot? Well, before dinner, all married couples will take their wedding ring and renew their marriage vows and the ceremony of putting ring on their spouse’s finger and exchanging gifts will follow.

Believe me in this! I will bring all the beautiful culture I’m seeing there and "copy and paste" it in DC for our Valentine’s Party. So, get ready if you are going to be around here during that time.

I’m telling you, I’m more than excited! What is there to be excited about in this dark world than to see marriages thrive! For me, NOTHING ELSE!

So, please invite yourself or your friends to come over there!

Some of you dropped me some questions about the whereabouts of the hotel or the church, but believe me in this, your guesses are as good as mine, lol. This is my very first trip to Minnesota. So, please look at the address on Google maps or on your GPS (make sure you get the correct address from the flyer first).

And some of you told me that you already invited your friends to come over. Please tell them to meet me at the end of the program, on Saturday or Sunday and tell me who send them over there so that I will send you a "Thank you" note!

You guys are just amazing! Thank you! If God’s will, I will see you all, of course on Facebook, lol, on Tuesday. Till then and until Jesus comes, stay in Christ!

In Him, Missy.

Three of our kids play for their schools’ sport team (our daughter plays volleyball and two of our sons play soccer for their schools.)

If you are a parent, you know what that means for me, their mother.

Well, if you want to find me after 3pm, all you have to do is to look for me on 450 Annapolis Road which is the main road I use to drive back and forth.

Their games, practice and pick-up times can be at the same time or 10 minutes apart or worse. Sometimes dropping their cleats or jerseys pretty much keeps me on the road. Yes, sometimes they forget their stuff home and I have to take it. (But I don’t do it always because if I keep on doing it, they don’t learn responsibility.)

But these days, three of them are really good at remembering and preparing their stuff before morning. But today, my little one mistakenly switched his jerseys with his big brother’s jerseys. When we got to their school, my older son called to let us know that my little one had his jerseys. So, I dropped two my kids off and drove back home as fast as I could so that my older son could get his jerseys before he left for his school.

Then I grabbed my youngest son’s jerseys and drove back to his school.

So, I got to the school and headed to my son’s class. My youngest son’s classmates know me. Whenever I come to his class, I usually show my face through the glasses so that somebody sees me and calls for my son. This time, all his classmates were looking at me and didn’t call my son. They just stared at me. For a moment I thought I was invisible but the thing is they all were looking at me. So, I opened the door. The moment I opened the door, everybody shouted, “Happy Birthday Mrs. Banko!”

I looked like a 10 years old girl standing in front of an 11 years old boy who said to her, “I like you!” I mean, naturally I am not a shy person but if you catch me off-guard, you will find out that I’m in fact a very shy person.

I said, smiling, “Thank you guys!” And my son came out, closed the door behind him, took the jerseys from my hand and said smiling, “Happy Birthday Mom and I love you!”

Isn’t that lovely and sweet!

And my Berhan, oh how he surprised me! I thought he left for work. I mean I saw him off. I thought he left for the day. Little did I know that he came back with my favorite freshly cut red roses and big "I love you" balloon and stood at the door!

Oh, LORD, please help me to serve this family to the best I know how. I can’t pay them back for all the love and care they are showering on me but at least help me be the person You want me to be to each one of them. ///

P. S. Do you want to know what my teens said to me? "Happy 100 years birthday, Mom." Yeah, that sounds like a teenager wish, doesn’t it?

And today is my birthday!

Yes, as I was told, I came to this world at 7am at the Ethiopian New Year’s Day! Well, if you connect the dots, you should know why they called me “Meskerem.” I came on the first day of the first month of the brand new year! Fantastic! Isn’t it? Can you just imagine the joy of my family to see a brand new baby on the New Year’s day! I can only imagine!

For those of you who don’t know the meaning of my name, it means September; however in Amharic, if I’m not mistake, the exact meaning of Meskerem is brand new joy, new sunshine, new moon, brand new season, brand new beginning on and on and on. Praise the LORD!

Happy 2007 for all of you who are celebrating Ethiopian New Year’s Day!

Oh, how I missed my home town back in Ethiopia! I still remember the morning breakfast and all the singing the neighborhood kids used to bring to each house. I heard that people don’t do that anymore. How sad it is! That was the highlight of my memory of the Ethiopian New Year’s Day. Oh, well, it is gone now. The new generation will have another memory. ///