This is one of my favorite verses of the Bible:
“In the same way, you husbands should live with your wives in an understanding way, since they are weaker than you. But show them respect, because God gives them the same blessing he gives you—the grace that gives true life. Do this so that nothing will stop your prayers.” (1 Peter 3:7 NCV)
Well, in the beginning, it was not my favorite verse. The first time I came across it, I didn’t like it at all, especially where it says, women “are weaker than” men.
I was like, “What? I am not weak! I don’t think so!”
Yeah, that word didn’t sit well with me. So, I decided to skip that passage whenever I read this particular chapter. But at the same time, I had this nagging curiosity and desire to know exactly what the word of God was saying when it called me “weaker” and my counterpart, “stronger.”
Yeah, the truth always triumphs over darkness but only if we seek it with a sincere and genuine heart and an open mind.
Then I learned, of course after I got married, that my wiring is completely different from my husband. One moment, I am the happiest person in the whole wide world and the next moment, I am the most dejected person you can ever find. One day, one simple and small gift makes my day and the next day, I don’t even want to see that same gift.
My husband, on the other hand, my dearest, I mean, talk about constant, this is it! Early on in our marriage, I concluded that I had married a man who had no emotion whatsoever. Why? I was expecting him to act like me.
Oh, you have no idea how thankful I am now that my husband is not like me, the woman. If he was, he would have divorced me ten thousand times. Phew!
Anyways, here is my message for today, well, my message is to you, a husband of one woman:
The Bible tells you that your wife is weaker than you, means, living with her is like walking on eggshells. She is wired more in the emotional side of life than the other side, rational and logical. Everything for her is colored by emotion, starting from her house, car, dress color, people, your aftershave, literally everything. Unless you learn how to live with her “in an understanding way,” knowing and considering her wiring, forget it, your life would be a litter better than a dead man. Joy? Forget it! You won’t have joy while the Bible commands you to rejoice in your own wife (Proverbs 5:18).
Let me give you one simple example: In the middle of a heated argument, if your wife calmly says to you, “Hun, correct me if I am wrong,” just ignore that statement. Consider it as if she didn’t say it. Don’t try to analyze her to show her where she is failing or missing the jigsaw of life. If you do, you will curse the day you were born. It is a TRAP! Her statement is like a tiger inviting you to pet its belly.
She will list all your faults and flaws from A to Z. “Correct me if I am wrong,” means, “Affirm and validate me that I am doing everything I can to make our marriage and home beautiful.,” Yeah, this is what “understanding” is all about.
You want peace, don’t you? Then learn how to listen to her heart, not to her words and speak love and care into her soul. If you do, she will give you her undivided attention to learn from your widom. The problem with most husbands is this: They want to treat their wives as they treat their five year old daughter. Brother, it doesn’t work like that! What works is to follow the way of the word of God, to treat your wife with “respect, because God gives” her “the same blessing he gives you”(1 Peter 3:7).
Understand her wiring so you can speak to her heart. You see, you are the leader. You are the stronger. And you are the head. But unless you have that servant-hood attitude, the attitude that always seeks the best of your wife, your wife desires to be over you (Genesis 3:16). She wants to be over you and rule your life because she wants to save herself from the oppressive way you want to lead her. “Oppressive” because if you don’t understand her wiring, you will oppress her.
So, make wisdom your best friend so you know how to live with your wife, the weaker one of you two, “in an understanding way.” If you do, you keep your leadership and headship for life.
Believe me in this: Your wife doesn’t need that much from you. As long as you recognize her effort and contribution to the family, to the marriage, affirm her role of mothering as you give her hand in the house when she’s least expecting it, she submits to you with joy.
Sitting on the sofa waiting until she sets the dinner table kind of life will shorten your days on earth. Get real and take the word of God seriously and live happily ever after. ///
P. S. In some cases, there is some crossovers on the basic defining natures of men and women. In some marriages, the woman is the logical person who speaks and acts rationally while the man is the emotional partner. So, the above post may not be applicable to all possible ways of “coupling.” But for the good of all, everybody, both wives and husbands, is responsible to know and understand the basic wiring of his/her life-partner.