When it comes to what the Word of God says about marriage—how a husband and wife should conduct themselves in this sacred institution—we’ve all heard these two verses, even if we don’t know them by heart:
(By the way, as always, this is a continuation of our teaching series, “Marriage is Spiritual,” which we began a few weeks ago.)
“Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” – Ephesians 5:24 (ESV)
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” – Ephesians 5:25 (ESV)
I don’t know about you, but after reading those two verses, didn’t you find yourself thinking, “Were these really written for sinners like me, or for some ‘holy aliens’ who’ve secretly populated our planet?”
Wives, submit in everything to their husbands? Submit in what? Everything? Well, I’m a wife to one man, and if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that my husband—just like me—is a sinner, full of weaknesses and flaws. And I’m supposed to submit to him in everything? That almost sounds like a command to erase me from the picture, doesn’t it?
Husbands, love your wives unto death—to the point of giving up every right, prerogative, privilege, and entitlement, even your very own life, for the sake of your wife.
Say what? Who’s out here taking a bullet for his wife? A man? This must be a joke because let’s be real—that’s not happening. Men are naturally selfish (women too), constantly thinking about themselves, worrying about their comfort, safety, and security 24/7 – as Martyn Lloyd-Jones beautifully said, “the morbid preoccupation with ourselves.” So where’s he supposed to find the time, energy, or even the desire to put someone else—his wife—first? Yeah, right!
So, what’s the verdict on these commands? Well, simply put, they’re impossible for people like us—descendants of Adam and Eve—to obey. Period. Right?
Not so fast! Those two verses don’t stand alone. They’re part of something bigger—one “whole part” of a much larger picture. They come from the Book of Ephesians, which is just one of the many books of the Bible. In fact, they’re just two verses out of the 155 in the entire Book of Ephesians. So before jumping to conclusions, we need to go back and examine the source they came from.
The Book of Ephesians is one of Paul’s prison epistles, along with Philippians, Colossians, and Philemon. He wrote these letters while under house arrest by the Roman government.
But did Paul actually know the church in Ephesus? Absolutely! According to Acts 19:1-41 and Acts 20:31, Paul spent a full three years with the believers there, serving them and preaching the Gospel. Unlike his letters to the churches in Galatia and Corinth—where he addressed specific problems—this letter wasn’t written to correct issues. Instead, Paul wrote to the Ephesians to remind them who they are in Christ and the incredible privileges they have for being in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians is often called “the queen of the epistles” because it’s packed with deep theological truths Christians should not dare to forget throughout their pilgrimage and practical teachings. To get a clearer picture of the book and understand the context leading up to those two verses, let’s take a moment to read through at least parts of the first four chapters.
Ephesians 1:1 says:
“Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,
To the saints who are in Ephesus, and are faithful in Christ Jesus.”
Right away, we see that Paul is writing this letter to a specific group of people—those he calls “saints.” But what does saint mean? It refers to those who have been set apart in Christ Jesus by God the Father for a specific purpose—ultimately, for His glory.
So, what do we know about these people? Well, Paul actually answers that question—not just for us, but for them as well—so they could fully understand who they were in Christ and what God had done to bring them into His family and call them saints.
Interestingly, Paul doesn’t write from a position above them. Instead, he includes himself because he, too, is in Christ just like them. He lays it all out beautifully in Ephesians 1:3-14:
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will, so that we who were the first to hope in Christ might be to the praise of his glory. In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.”
— Ephesians 1:3-14 (ESV)
I mean, I’ll just leave this passage here for you to soak in and be blessed by as I move to the next chapter.
Paul continues:
“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
— Ephesians 2:1-10 (ESV)
Paul then reveals the incredible mystery of the church—that in Christ Jesus, Jews and Gentiles are now one.
“Of this gospel I was made a minister according to the gift of God’s grace, which was given me by the working of his power. To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to bring to light for everyone what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God, who created all things, so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places.
This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in him. So I ask you not to lose heart over what I am suffering for you, which is your glory.”
— Ephesians 3:7-13 (ESV)
The first three chapters of Ephesians focus mainly on all blessings believers have in Christ, doctrine, laying the foundation to be in Christ. But from chapters 4 to 6, the focus shifts to practical living—how those whom God has re-created in Christ should live. These chapters provide instruction, insight, and encouragement for believers to walk in their true identity as saints, children of God, and children of Light.
Paul puts it this way:
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” — Ephesians 4:1-3 (ESV)
Then, in chapter five, Paul continues:
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
. . . And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
— Ephesians 5:1-2, 18-21 (ESV)
Paul isn’t just giving them a list of dos and don’ts—he’s calling them to a lifestyle shaped by Christ’s love. Instead of being influenced by things that dull their minds, they are to be filled with the Spirit, living in gratitude, worship, and mutual submission—all out of reverence for Christ.
Then, only then, Paul writes:
“—wives, —husbands” — Ephesians 5:24, 25 (ESV)
Do you notice how these verses are stacked right in the middle of chapter five in this letter to the Ephesians? That’s important point to note! These verses don’t stand alone—they’re part of this letter, which is part of the Bible. We can’t just pull them out, separate them from their context, and try to interpret them in isolation. Doing so will lead to serious misunderstandings and misinterpretations.
That’s exactly why these two verses might sound strange—or even unrealistic—when read by themselves. If we don’t know who this letter was written to and what Paul was teaching throughout the whole book, we’re bound to miss the bigger picture.
From reading the entire Book of Ephesians, it becomes clear that Paul and the people he was writing to were, in a sense, “aliens” on this earth—just as the Bible describes in 1 Peter 2:11. They were not just ordinary people; they had been re-created by God in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17).
These were individuals who had been resurrected from spiritual death and now lived for the glory of God, the One who redeemed and saved them from eternal separation from Him (2 Corinthians 5:15). Their calling—and God’s commands to them—weren’t random or unrealistic. Rather, they were perfectly aligned with who they had become in Christ.
God didn’t just give them commands; He equipped them with everything they needed to obey—not just those two verses, but so much more . . . cont’d ///