In our last post, in the second-to-last paragraph, we wrote:
“A wife finds the grace and faith to obey God’s word, including the call to submit to her husband, through the word of God alone.”
We would like to revise that sentence to include two essential words we had missed:
“A wife finds the grace and faith to obey God’s word, including the call to submit to her husband, through prayer in the word of God alone.”
This addition reflects the full biblical truth, for the word of God says,
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” — Hebrews 4:16 (ESV)
We pray according to the will and word of God. We approach God’s throne in prayer, and we rise from prayer with the confidence that we have received mercy and found grace to help us in our time of need.
And where do we more urgently need God’s mercy and grace than in our marriages? This sacred union is meant to be a source of blessing, growth, and joy as it was originally meant to be. But for it to be nurturing, good for both husband and wife, and ultimately glorifying to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, we must continually depend on God’s mercy and grace.
With that, we continue today from where we left off last time. We’ve already spent multiple days discussing Ephesians 5:22. Today we move to verse 23:
“For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” — Ephesians 5:23 (ESV)
This paragraph (verses 22–24) speaks directly to the wife. God, in His word, is revealing to her how He has designed marriage. This divine order is given for her good, so that by embracing it, she may walk in obedience and enjoy God’s blessing in her marriage.
Scripture says the wife is to her husband as the church is to Christ. Just as Christ is the head of the church, so the husband is the head of his wife. But does this divine order imply superiority and inferiority?
By no means!
We’ve already addressed this question when we reflected on 1 Corinthians 11:3, but it’s worth revisiting:
“But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” — 1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)
The headship of God over Christ does not imply that Christ is inferior. The Son is co-equal and co-eternal with the Father. We worship one God in three persons—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—of one essence, as Reformed theologians rightly affirm. This is the doctrine of the Trinity.
Likewise, the headship of the husband over the wife does not imply inequality. It is simply the divine order God has ordained—for His glory and for the good of both husband and wife.
So, how many persons does God see in a marriage? One: the head and the body—joined together in unity. Understanding this shapes how a wife sees her husband and her marriage. She learns to pray for her husband’s well-being, knowing that his health—spiritually, emotionally, and relationally—is tied to her own. If he unintentionally wounds her, she does not retaliate or seek to “even the score,” because she sees his pain as hers too. Instead, she turns to God in prayer, asking for wisdom to address the matter lovingly and redemptively.
She takes her marriage seriously—not carelessly or lightly. She prays that neither her own sinful flesh nor the schemes of the devil would gain a foothold. She brings to mind God’s word:
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” — Ephesians 4:26–27 (ESV)
In her daily life with her husband, she does not live according to worldly wisdom, her own emotions, or inherited cultural norms. Instead, she seeks to live by God’s word. She prays, studies, meditates on, and memorizes Scripture. These spiritual disciplines are as essential to her as breathing, because she knows that apart from the grace and mercy she receives through them, she cannot live out God’s truth—and she suffers spiritually and emotionally when she neglects them.
She not only understands that her husband is her head, as Christ is the head of the church, but she also reads that Christ is the Savior of the church—and Paul says in Ephesians 5:23 that the husband is the wife’s savior. This is a weighty truth.
To be clear: the husband is not a savior in the same way Christ is. There is only one Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. No human being can redeem another from sin.
So how does a husband “save” his wife in the sense Paul means here?
He does so by nurturing her mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In God’s design, the husband’s care protects and saves his wife from undue burdens and from vulnerabilities she may carry—especially those tied to the emotional and hormonal realities of her body. Moreover, the husband guards her from spiritual dangers, including false teachers who exploit emotional appeals and lead astray. The husband’s spiritual leadership is meant to anchor her in sound doctrine and godly stability.
But a husband cannot nurture what he does not understand. He cannot guess what wounds or burdens his wife carries. He must care deeply enough to give her his full, undivided attention. He must listen carefully when she speaks. This kind of intentional, sacrificial listening is one of the most Christlike—and romantic—ways a husband can love his wife. . . . cont’d ///