Forgiveness in marriage.

Yes, this is the series we began a few weeks ago, and today we come to the third part. If you haven’t read the previous posts, you may want to do so, so that today’s message will make fuller sense.

Although we plan to wrap up this series today, this is a topic we may revisit again in the future.

Repentance: The Bridge to Restoration

Last time, we discussed how repentance is the bridge that connects forgiveness and restoration in a marriage. In the absence of repentance, forgiveness may still be present — but restoration may not be possible. Instead, pain and suffering may continue to mark that relationship.

We also emphasized that repentance cannot be replaced by ceremonies — such as washing feet, holding a Bible and swearing never to repeat the sin, or making emotional promises. Repentance is not a performance. It is a turning.

True repentance means that the one who has sinned — for example, a husband who has cheated on his wife — recognizes the seriousness of what he has done. He understands that he has sinned not only against his wife, but against God, against the covenant of marriage, against his children, and against the testimony of the church. He confesses his sin, turns away from it, and begins the humble and often long process of rebuilding the trust he destroyed.

Immediate Forgiveness, Gradual Restoration

Forgiveness can be immediate. But repentance, restoration, and the rebuilding of trust take time, effort, prayer, accountability, and many honest conversations between husband and wife.

The Misuse of Scripture to Excuse Sin

Sadly, some husbands attempt to avoid true repentance by misusing Scripture. They quote 2 Corinthians 12:7–10, where Paul speaks about his “thorn in the flesh,” and say something like this:

“Flirting with women is my weakness. I asked God to take it away, but it remains to humble me. So please accept it and pray for me.”

This is a serious misuse of Scripture.

Paul was not speaking about ongoing moral sin that he tolerated. He was speaking about suffering — whether persecution or a physical affliction — that God sovereignly allowed in his life. Scripture never teaches that God gives His children a sinful habit in order to make them more spiritual.

Yes, God is sovereign. Yes, He can use even our failures for our sanctification. But He never assigns sin as a divine instrument for our spiritual growth. That is a dangerous and deeply unbiblical idea.

Sin must be called sin. It must be confessed and forsaken. Renaming sin does not heal a marriage — it prolongs the wound.

The Command to Forgive

Now let us return to forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not optional for the Christian. It is commanded. Why? Because a Christian is someone who has been forgiven by God through Jesus Christ.

The wife in our example forgives not because her husband deserves it, but because she belongs to Christ. She has received immeasurable mercy and grace through the cross. Her forgiveness flows from the forgiveness she herself has received.

Jesus says:

“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25)

This does not mean that we earn God’s forgiveness by forgiving others. Rather, it means that an unforgiving heart may reveal that a person has not truly grasped the mercy of God.

Forgiveness and the Evidence of New Birth

When professing Christians persist in hardened unforgiveness, it is reasonable to examine whether they have truly experienced the new birth. One of the evidences of regeneration is a growing desire and Spirit-enabled ability to forgive. Christians give freely what they have freely received in Christ.

The Hidden Cost of Unforgiveness

Finally, there is also a physical dimension to unforgiveness. Many studies suggest that chronic bitterness and unresolved anger are associated with increased stress, anxiety, depression, and even cardiovascular problems. While we must be careful not to oversimplify medical conditions or claim that all disease is caused by unforgiveness, it is clear that bitterness harms both the soul and often the body.

It is no surprise, then, that God commands forgiveness — not merely for His glory, but for our good.

Behold our God and His truth. ///