A4P Guest: “If I ask you to give me only one principle to do dating and courting right so that I won’t sin against God, what would be that principle?”

A4P: Excellent question!

Only one principle: When you want to hide an action from others, you should know that you are sinning against God and others.

Let me ask you: If you want to kiss your date, do you do it in the church, in front of your pastor, and other believers or do you want to do it at the back of your car, at night time, a time that nobody can see you?

Do you “pet” your date in the church or in the dark room of your apartment?

If you are honest, you will say that you won’t do those things in public. I mean do I need to say that those things are considered as "foreplay," an important step for a sexual intimacy of married couples? I don’t think so because I recently said that. Foreplay is not for you as a single person. So when you want to do those "biblically illegal" stuff, you want to hide them. Don’t you? The moment you want to do that, remember that you are sinning against God and others. So, stay away from those things.

Well, that being said though, there is a question that begs an answer: Do you have high regard to the church of Christ and to the believers of Jesus Christ?

Similar question: Do you have anyone you honor and respect enough for you to limit yourself from acting out inappropriately, sinfully?

If your answer to any of the above questions is “No” or if you say something like, “I don’t have a church. I don’t care about anyone and I don’t care what anyone says about my life,” then the above “principle” is useless for you!

That means if you don’t have a home church which you are part of and believers who care about you, you are right there in a danger zone. The stage is set for you to fall in sin. And when you are in that zone, you have no choice but live in sin.

Remember, we need each other (as the part of a Body of Christ) so that we stay away from the trap of the devil (our body organs, such as stomach or liver can’t fight alone apart from the body but when they stay in the body, they can fight virus, bacteria and even cancer).

The moment we decide to separate ourselves from the Body of Christ, we will be snatched by the devil. Then we start to hide everything.

Remember, devil steals us first from the family of God; then convince us not to care about others; then kills us (kills every good thing we have and may even kill us) and at last he destroys us to the point of nobody is able to remember neither us nor our descendants. Read John 10:10 ///

Most teens are losing their lives in the middle of this corrupted world not because they want to get lost but because their fathers are not getting involved in raising them.

Most teens are 100% dependent on their mothers who work two or three jobs to make the ends meet or try her best to be a mother and a father to her kids since her husband doesn’t get involved.

Are you a father? Are you involved in your sons’ and daughters’ life?

Making money and bringing the money is not all about fathering but being there for kids and being 100% involved in your kids’ life. Please don’t let TV and the culture raise your kids. It is not the church’s responsibility to raise your kids. The Bible says, “Teach your children about the law and precepts of God.” It never gives this instruction to the church but to you, fathers. Fathers you are not called only to be providers but protectors, servant-leaders, teachers, spiritual models, mentors, lovers and representatives of God to their daughters and sons.

Boys may get older physically in years but they can’t be MEN without a father who shows them how to be A MAN; or more how to be A MAN OF GOD! There are 40 and 50 years old or even older boys walking around. They are stuck in boyish-hood status because they have no way of knowing what it means to be A MAN! And one way for a boy to claim his manhood is through finding his sexuality and letting his sexuality be under the control of the Holy Spirit. Henceforth, one of the identifying characteristics of A MAN is SELF-CONTROL; (He knows how to control his sexual urges!) He knows how to channel his sexual desires to its rightful place (marriage); he is not given over to his sexual instincts. He uses his brain to harness his sexual urges; his sexual body part doesn’t tell him when to have sex but his heart which is molded and shaped by the WORD OF GOD!

Are you that man? If you are not, seek men of God in churches. Stick with them! Tap in to their lifestyle and “catch” their character. Find a mentor for you to follow after so that you come out of “boyish-hood”. Then you will know how to fight for your boys; know how important it is for you to be there for your boys and girls! ///

I was very excited to see this brother of mine in Christ preaching in my home church. I remember that Sunday morning as if it was yesterday. I met this brother in one revival conference immediately after I received Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. He was a bit older than me and he had been a follower of Jesus Christ for quite sometimes. Though our meeting was for a brief period of time, he left a mark in my heart when it comes to loving Christ and being sold out for the cause of Christ. After that meeting, I didn’t see him for a couple of years.

Within those two years of time, he began an international ministry and was invited to our church to speak. I was very excited to see him behind the pulpit. I could tell he recognized me from far away and I couldn’t wait to see him after the service. In the middle of his message, he mentioned about his marriage and their first child. So I learned something new about him that I didn’t know before.

Sitting there and listening about his ministry and family, I began preparing answers for the possible questions he might later ask me. I knew I had to congratulate him for his marriage and son but didn’t know what to tell him if he would ask me about the proposal ring I was wearing on my ring-finger.

So, the service ended and I ran to him and we hugged and exchanged warm greetings. I sure was very happy to see him. As I guessed it, the first thing he noticed was my proposal ring. So, he asked, “I see ring on your finger. Congra! Praise the LORD! So, where is our brother?”

I smiled and didn’t reply. He insisted and said, “Seriously, where is he? I want to meet him.”

I knew that he wouldn’t take a smile for an answer. So, I said, “He doesn’t come to church.”

He stopped as if the whole world stopped moving. Without saying a word, he stared at me as if he would hear me say something like, “Kidding.”

Then he asked, “What do you mean he doesn’t come to church? Does he believe in Jesus?”

I wanted to cry. Trying to pull myself together, I said, “No, he doesn’t come to church and he doesn’t believe in Jesus.”

I began to bit my cheeks from the inside to chase away my tears which were quickly welling up in my eyes. I vividly remember his sad look; and he said,

“Missy, then this ring doesn’t belong to you. You belong to Christ and the person you are talking about doesn’t belong to you. You can only marry a believer as the Bible says. There is no exception to this biblical principle. The Bible clearly says that we can’t marry an unbeliever. Do you understand me? You are a child of God and you can only marry a man who is a child of God. No way around this! Take this ring out.”

I felt like throwing up; not because I was disgusted by what he was saying but because I was confused to the point of not knowing what to do with my life.

I didn’t even know where the Bible says that believers shouldn’t get married to an unbeliever (now I know where to find it, lol, 2 Corinthians 6:14) but I heard that verse being preached and I wanted to do it as it says but didn’t know how to do it.

Oh, how I wish you could see his face. He was speaking to me shutting off everybody who was standing and waiting to talk to him. I knew he cared about me. I could sense his brotherly love for me. He was speaking the truth in to my life. But I didn’t know what to say to him.

Well, my “an unbeliever boyfriend” promised to pick me up from the church. So, he came and picked me up after the church service ended and asked me if I wanted to go to DC for lunch.

“Lunch? No, I don’t want lunch. I want to disappear from this life,” I said to myself, looking away from him.

When I didn’t reply to him, he asked me, “What’s wrong with you?”

Oh, how I love that question when it is asked at the right time. Without wasting my time, I said, “You and I can’t be together. We can’t get married.”

Without exaggeration, I hated the next breath my lungs took at that moment because I didn’t want to see myself after saying those words to the man I love to death.

Beloved, that was nineteen years ago. Oh, there is a God who hears our prayers; there is a God who collects all our tears in His hands. There is a God who hears our “unspoken” prayers. I praise Him forever!

I didn’t know that God had already been working in his soul. Oh, before I or he realized it, God put his soul on “the royal chariots” (Songs of Solomon 6:12). Christ was already sitting on the throne of his soul and changed his life forever.

Then, within a very short time, he became the man of my dream, a man who lays his hands on me and prays for me and says into my ears things like, “Oh, how I praise God for giving me you as a wife”.

I’m very thankful for the people God put in my life during those tough times. I thank God for that brother who risked his relationship with me as he decided to confront me about my compromised lifestyle. He stepped into my personal life to tell me the pure truth of God. He was determined to tell me that what I was doing was not right.

Yes, let’s not pass a brother or a sister in Christ when we see them living in sin. When they want us to celebrate with them about their compromised lifestyle, let’s let’s dare to step in to their life in love and truth. Let’s say to them something like: “No, I won’t celebrate with you and for you because what you are doing to yourself will hurt you; will hurt your children; will hurt the Body of Christ and will hurt the next generation. I love you and I care about you. So, I don’t want to see you get hurt like this. You are rebelling against God and if you continue in this path, you will ultimately destroy your life.”

Yes, let’s speak the truth in the life of our brothers and sisters but we have to make sure that we do it with care, love and respect. When the truth reaches out to others with respect, love and compassion, it does miracle in their life. ///

A4P Guest: I read most of your articles but your last two articles about kissing changed my life forever! Thank you!

Now it is getting very hard for me to convince my girlfriend for her to embrace God’s standard of sexual purity. I told her to read some of your articles. She liked your page and read some and unliked your page the next day. I don’t know what to do?

A4P: You know, sometimes it takes time for all of us to take the Truth of God to heart and make it ours. We all need time to process it through. Sometimes we struggle and try to defend our side of the story. We may quote Bible verse here and there and try to give million excuses and explanations why we are right. And most of the time, we know that we are wrong but we do it anyways because we need time to let go to what we hold on to for years. And that my dear is not easy to do for all of us as it is for you.

The good news is the Truth of God patiently waits for us, unwaveringly. It changes us but no one and nothing can change it!

So, give her time. Approach her in love and respect. Try to understand why she is saying what she is saying. You see, we usually don’t choose sexual immorality because we are sexually immoral people but we have deep seated unresolved issues, hurts and pains which we bring with us wherever we go. We may be struggling with low self-esteem; inferiority and/or superiority complex, we may not know how to give and receive love; we might be rejected as a child and we fear being rejected as adults and the only way for us to make sure that one is not going to reject us is by taking control of the sexual side of life. So, bear with her. Don’t preach to her. Make sure you stand on your ground but not in a judgmental way. Be open to try to understand her. Listen to her heart and mind. However never try to comfort her by giving her what she is asking you. Stand your ground!

A4P Guest: Let me tell you more about our issue so that you will have a good understanding of what is going on. I’m not new to your page. I’ve been following you for the last seven months. My girlfriend and I were sexually active. We both go to church. She is in choir and I help out in the music department. The first day I read one of your articles about sex before marriage, I got convicted. I read it while I was at work. I couldn’t wait until I went home and I cried before God. I knew that day what has been destroying my life. I wanted to glorify my God in my sexual life. So, I called her and told her about your page. She read the article I read and she said, “she is writing what she thinks is right. She is entitled to her opinion. What is a big deal about that? We can’t put God in a box and say, sex before marriage is a sin.”

I was about to hung up the phone but I knew I shouldn’t act that way. I realized that she was not convicted but I told her that I wanted to stay away from sex. We were not doing sex every day or anything but like once a month. She was very upset with me. After that we never had sex but we continued kissing and everything else. I knew it was wrong but I felt like I needed to do it for her and I didn’t know how to tell her that it was wrong.

Now, after reading your article about kissing, I told her that I wanted to stop kissing and petting too. She was very upset with me.. She even said, “Is this woman your God or you are still following the God of the Bible? If you are following the God of the Bible, then God is not against love.” She always thinks that she knows everything about God and the Bible.

Right now, even seeing her makes me nervous. I feel like I am losing my relationship with Christ whenever I am with her. I think I am at the crossroad where I need to choose one road since I can’t take both. Do you think I am right to think that way?

A4P: It is a very sad reality. Yes, I believe you are right to think that. I think you have to let the girl go but don’t just shut her off. Tell her that you decided to move on with your life without her. Your decision may quicken something in her. I hope she won’t fake conviction but she may be willing to listen to you. Don’t force her to like my page. That won’t usually work. Instead, make the door open for her. Let her know that you still care about her. Tell her that you can be reached at the Cross of Jesus Christ and of course you make sure that you stay there. If she comes to you, she is yours brother! If she says “Good-bye,” let her go.

Oh, what a sad story! Many women out there are crying to convince their boyfriends to stay away from pre-marital sex; not the other way around. Yours is exceptional but not unique! Anyways, good luck my brother; and remember this: “If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.” 1 Peter 4:14. ///

Just because a girl loves to death the man she is in a relationship with doesn’t mean that she is his wife. She is still one of the girls who have a potential to be his wives.

So, whenever you find a girl who acts as if she is married to a man she is seeing, if you find her saying things like, "We usually like to eat steak on the same plate," make sure you lovingly pull her on a side and advise her like this:

"Don’t be foolish my Sista. You ain’t his wife and don’t act like one. Rather put distance between you and this man so that you encourage him to take the next step, the step to make you not one of the girls but the only girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Once he is yours legally and biblically, then you can even say, "We don’t like to drink from separate coffee mugs."

Isn’t the last statement sweet when it comes from a married girl who refers to her relationship with her husband! I’m telling you! It is just sweet! It is like listening to one of King Solomon’s beautiful and romantic love songs! And when we hear that, we tend to say to her, "Please say it one more time because it is sweet to our ears and pure and holy to our eyes! But when we hear it from a single and "in a relationship" girl, – – – – ///

Okay, for those of you who missed my message I presented to the IEEC at DC on Sunday, Aug 17, here is the YouTube link. A brother of mine inbox me yesterday (thank you my dear!). And, I want to share it with you all.

I watched this three times and I learned something about myself, all over again, lol. I am not a linguistic person. Period! It doesn’t matter whether I speak in Amharic or English. My grammar and sentence structure are out of the window. No good vocabulary! Frustrating!

The thing is, I believe God put His message in my heart and I want to communicate that message with the whole world. So, whether I am a linguistic person or not; whether I mess up grammars and sentences in a weird way or not, I won’t stop speaking and writing the message. Don’t you think that is a good decision? May the LORD help me to keep it!

And praise be to the LORD because I heard from many people last Sunday that they got the message. So, I rejoice with that.

The one common comment which keeps coming is this: "Please speak pure Amharic!" I got that and to tell you the truth, I am trying my best. I only flip over to the English language when I get nervous. And remember, the topic I’m trying to address is a very tough one to find a right Amharic word for. In the future, I will correct many things.

But, for now, please, when you notice a mistake or two, just forgive me and pass on to the next one and try to get the message. I love to hear from you though. There is only one mistake I find it hard to forgive myself for, i.e. I said, "I also teach parents how to train their kids in the area of sexual purity and sexual immorality."

For crying out loud, how can one train a child in the area of sexual immorality???? I know I was thinking of saying "teaching kids what sexual purity and immorality is all about" but I didn’t say it that way. I wish I had full authority on this video so that I could have edited it. Anyways, here is the "unedited version" on YouTube.

They cut out the first part where my husband was officially "releasing" me to the Work of God. I have the unedited DVD. So, I will clip that out and post it in the future. That clip has "unparalleled" and timeless message to this generation and the generation to come.

BTW, they wrote my name as Dr. Meskerem Kifetew but my correct name is: Dr. Meskerem Tadesse Kifetew.

So, here we go:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVRnrlZZInI&sns=tw

Pouting, they ask, “What do you mean kissing is a sin?”

I have received some messages in my inbox yesterday referring to my post titled “Issue of kissing, AGAIN!”

Some of the messages sound like this:

“I hate what you’re writing. I love and enjoy kissing my girlfriend. Now, you spoiled it for me.”

Some of them sound like, “What? What are you talking about? Kissing is a sin? What is next? Where is my freedom in Jesus? Are you making up stories and making us all feel bad for enjoying our boyfriends’ lips?”

I know, it is sometimes annoying to hear messages like that, isn’t it? Trust me, I was there once and it can be upsetting but it is upsetting only when we don’t know the plan and purpose of God behind all those “Don’ts.”

Remember, all those things God said “don’t,” are there for our own goodness. God wants to make our marital kissing and sex to be lasting, fulfilling and pleasurable ones as He planned and purposed it. Do you know that most married couples don’t kiss? Yes, they don’t and do you wonder why? I will come back to that some other time. For now, let me stay on the issue at hand.

So, kissing gives gratification closer to sex since it touches our brain part called “a reward center.” My Dear, anything which touches that part of our brain wants to linger around and we, rightly so, want it to linger around. Duh! It is our gratification center. And kissing touches that part of the brain and we won’t let it go without furious fight. When we are told that kissing before marriage can severe our relationship with Christ, we start to quote Bible verses to try to justify our action, even if we deep down know that we are wrong. That action is called “addiction,” fighting to keep the action regardless of its destructive consequence to our life.

So, for those of you who are still struggling to swallow the truth about kissing before marriage, let me take another side to explain it.

CAUTION: Make sure you keep anybody who is younger than 13 years old away from this.

So, when the lips of one man and one woman meet, they trigger the sex engine of their body. How?

Well, there are nerves on the top of their lips. These nerves are similar to the nerves which are found on their private parts. Their job is: At the moment of contact with other lips (or private parts – in the case of sex), they send a message to the brain saying, “Sex is on the way; so send all the sexual hormones to the whole body so that the body gets ready to receive sex.”

Those hormones shut off (or make it cloudy) all the logical and reasoning part of the brain (it is by perfect design of God – this step of sex in the marriage works beautifully, but outside marriage, this step by itself destroys one’s life). Those hormones lubricate their private parts to receive the upcoming sexual act. Those hormones also increase the heartbeat of the couple and increase their blood pressure which is very important step for the engorgement of their private parts for the anticipated sex.

As they exchange saliva through kissing, sexual hormones get secreted in the body and work aggressively for the body to get a relief from the heightened sexual desire through orgasmic release.

REMEMBER, SEX IS NOT PERFORMED YET! ONLY KISSING!

Worldly people go on with the step and finish it with THE actual sexual act BUT born again Christians who choose to take all the steps up to this point, BUT SAY “SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE IS SIN,” go to their separate ways without finishing their steamy moment with the very last step which is sex. (Little did they know that they already stumbled and fell from their sexual purity.)

Well, after those unmarried couple kissed, their body doesn’t let go. It demands sex because of the notorious sexual hormones which are already been secreted in their body. Depending on their exposure to sexual scenes and how much they are given over or yield to sexual temptations, some men will have orgasm during kissing. But some men masturbate before or after the date. Most women get relief through “steamy dream” or will have an orgasmic like experience during kissing or they too turn to masturbation. (Reason? Kissing!)

Does anyone out there want me to go on explaining how kissing is considered as a sin because it is “an appetizer for sex” (foreplay) or as I usually like to name it as a “mini-sex?”

Remember, God is not against our sexual gratification! GOD IS FOR GOOD SEX! But God never rejoices when He sees His children do things which hurt them. Sex and/or mini-sex outside marriage hurts us REAL BAD because it is not designed to be practiced outside marriage. Don’t see marriage as an issue of a legal paper (or a political agenda). My Dear, marriage is a spiritual institution set by God. No vows made before man and God, no marriage. No marriage, no God’s blessing in the sex and mini-sex. No God’s blessing, it is hell on earth!

If you still struggle to accept the truth about kissing before marriage, my advice for you is this: Love Christ! Strive to know and love Him! Baptize in His Word and Spirit! Spend time in prayer and read and meditate the Word. Soak yourself in Him! Don’t concentrate on do’s and don’ts but concentrate on knowing Him. Then as the Bible says,

"As for you, the anointing you received from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you.” 1 John 2:27a

This doesn’t mean that you don’t need to read books or go to church to learn about God and His Word but what it means is when one teaches you according to the Word and Spirit of God, you don’t need any explanation. You take it as it is because the anointing is on you!

Sometimes from the questions I’ve received, I sometimes wonder if the person who wrote those questions is familiar with the Word of God or not.

Please, Beloved, especially before we quote a Bible verse; we need to make sure that we know what it says. We need to read that same verse in different Bible translations; and cross reference it so that we can understand it thoroughly, then let’s quote it in our writings so that we make a strong point.

Yes, kissing before marriage is considered as sexual immorality. What the world says, what other giant Christian leaders say about this issue won’t change this truth. What matters the most for me personally is the unchanging Truth of God which looks me squarely in the eyes. The rest, including my thinking and reasoning which doesn’t agree with the Truth of God, I consider them all as FOOLISHNESS AND RUBBISH BECAUSE THEY ARE! ///